Growing Pains
by dark rolling sea
Summary: Sequal to Secret Lives: Read that one first. Kate and Gibbs are in a relationship but Gibbs personal life is about to fall apart. Is their relationship strong enough to survive? Final chapter is up guys enjoy. Has follow up story Life Ever After...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The NCIS characters do not belong to me. I just borrow them.**

**AN: This is a sequal to Secret Lives, you really should read that one first. It will give a little more background on characters. **

**AN: If you like my work on here I do have a website with my fan fic and my original works on it. check it out if you want. Thanks. oh and please review...even if you dont like it :-)**

_Washington DC_

Kate opened her eyes and smiled as she felt the weight of Gibbs' arm still draped over her. She rolled as slowly and slightly as she could so not to wake him up. It was the first time in weeks that they had a day off and could sleep in and she didn't want to disturb him. She watched him sleep for another twenty minutes before he slowly started to wake. He opened his eyes, and smiled. She smiled back. She still couldn't get used to the fact that they woke up together every morning.

"Morning," he said groggily and she smiled at him. She leaned in and kissed him softly.

"Good morning," she replied. Gibbs rolled to the side slightly and looked at the clock. He smiled and rolled back towards her.

"You let me sleep in," he said quietly.

"You needed the rest," she replied. He just smiled. They stayed in bed for a while longer before getting up for the day. They spent the day around the house, mostly Gibbs working on his boat and Kate reading a novel on the couch in the basement, with her occasionally picking up a tool to help him.

This was how they spent their days off, just enjoying each other's company outside of the work setting. Kate loved these days, when the gruff exterior of Special Agent Gibbs melted away and her loving boyfriend Jethro came out.

Gibbs looked at the clock on the wall and then put down his tools. He walked towards the stairs pulling his cell phone out as he did. Kate watched him and once he was past her she put her book down and followed him. It was time to call California.

Gibbs and Kate had been in a relationship for almost a year, ever since that day in this very basement where they expressed their true feelings for themselves. The same day Kate found out Gibbs had a son and grandson he kept hidden.

Gibbs' son Jeb had moved back to California with his nephew, Hunter, shortly after Gibbs had rescued Kate and Hunter after being held hostage. They both thought it best for him to start fresh and Jeb decided that being close to his mother and siblings would be good for him. Not to mention that Hunter would get to know his grandmother, uncles and aunt better.

Kate smiled watching Gibbs punch in the number for Jeb's cell phone. She always enjoyed watching him while he spoke with them. Then she would take her turn speaking with them and it always made her day. She had grown attached to Hunter even in this long distance relationship, the bond starting when they had first met.

_California_

Jeb rubbed his temples again. The headache was back. Ann looked over at him and gave him a worried look. He smiled reassuringly at her but he could tell she didn't buy it. He was getting worried too if he would just admit it to himself. The headaches were coming more frequent and were gradually increasing in pain. He sighed and returned his attention to Hunter. He was coming up to bat.

It was his first tee-ball game and Jeb was extremely proud of the six year old. He was tough and he was a fierce competitor, but Jeb guessed that ran in the genes. He watched as Hunter lined his bat up slowly and then pulled it back, took an exaggerated step and swung the bat with all the force he could muster. The ball rolled out towards second base and Hunter took off towards first. He ran his heart out and Jeb couldn't help but smile, even with the oncoming headache. Hunter made it safely and had a gigantic smile on his face as he stood atop the base. He waved towards Jeb and Ann, and the two waved right back at him, his beaming smile contagious.

The game continued and so did Jeb's headache, but he managed to hide it. He could tell his mother was still worried. After the game Hunter was bubbling with excitement and spilling over with play by play, even though they had both watched the game. They couldn't help but smile at him. Ann drove her son and grandson home. Hunter jumped out of the car and raced for the front door. As Jeb was getting out Ann put a hand out.

"Jeb, please tell me you'll go see a doctor about those headaches?"

"Mom, please, I'm ok. All right?"

"Jethro Evan Brock," she replied sternly. Jeb took a deep breath and let it out. "You are not fine, they are getting more painful and I can tell, you're getting them more often. Go see a doctor."

"Fine, Mom, I'll see a doctor. I'll call later and get an appointment. OK?"

"I'm just worried about you," she replied quietly. Jeb felt ashamed. He looked down at his hands. He knew she didn't want to lose another son. He looked up at her and smiled.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll get checked out. I'm due to see Dr. Nash soon anyway. I'll tell him about the headaches, ok?"

She nodded. He felt relief. He didn't like arguing with his mother. This was the third time she had insisted he speak with a doctor. "Have you talked to your father about it?"

"No," Jeb said quickly, and then he got out of the car and left his mother behind him. He let Hunter in the front door and heard the car back out of the driveway. He sighed. But he didn't have much time to brood over the conversation before his cell phone started to hum. He flipped it open and smiled. He recognized his father's number.

"Jeb," he said in a forced cheerful voice. He knew he couldn't fool his father but he had to try.

"It's me," Gibbs said, wondering why his son was pretending to be cheerful. "How you guys doing out there?"

"Good, Hunter played his first tee ball game today."

"How'd he do?"

"Good, he's a natural and he has your competitive spirit."

"Did you warn the coaches?" Gibbs asked with a laugh. Jeb chuckled in return.

"Not yet, I figure I'll wait until he does something to his opponent and then blame it on your influence."

"Thanks." They both laughed then. Jeb felt better, but he could still feel the headache lurking in the background.

They spoke for almost an hour with the phone switching to different people so everyone got a chance to talk to everyone. Jeb was happy that his father finally found someone to share his life with, and Jeb had to admit he really liked Kate. So did Hunter.

After the phone call Jeb sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. It was lasting longer then usual now too. He would have to say something to Dr. Nash soon.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer on chapter one.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It means a lot to me. Here is chapter two enjoy --dark rolling sea

* * *

**

Chapter Two

Jeb stretched in the early morning heat. It was only five in the morning and all ready he could feel the heat of the day coming. When he was done stretching and warming up his muscles he set out on his daily morning job of six miles. He had left Hunter with Kylie and left his worries behind him.

He started at a slow pace working his muscles loose and bringing his heart rate up. He could feel the blood pumping through his body now. He felt good. He started to push himself into a faster pace after the first half mile. Soon he was up to a six-minute mile pace. He used to be able to hold this pace to the end of his run, but lately he had been feeling light headed and nauseous during his run and had to back down to finish.

He was four miles into his run when the headache started. He felt it start at his temple and then slowly creep its way behind his eyes and then down the back of his skull. It was an intense one, stronger than the one the day before. He slowed his pace and tried to regulate his breathing in an effort to control the pain, but it still bore through him. His eyesight started to jump on him. He was seeing what looked like a million tiny bugs all in straight vertical lines about an inch apart crawling forever towards the sky. He felt a little dizzy with the motion and felt his stomach clench. He felt his body sway to the side and corrected it but then the dizziness made him sway the other way. He slowed his jog to a fast walk and breathed in deeply trying to clear his head. The black bugs turned into dotted lines and started to move at a faster pace. He shook his head in an effort to shake the lines away, but they stayed.

He felt his heart rate spike to over a hundred and he looked down at his watch to take his pulse. He was right it was racing at 120 beats a minute. He felt short of breath but knew it was just because of his heart moving so fast. He figured he was still getting close to one hundred percent oxygen. He sat down on the curb and put his head between his knees. His left arm began to tremor and he fought to control it. He felt the panic well inside him and he struggled to maintain control.

He sat for twenty minutes while his body continued to react to whatever was wrong with him. He finally felt his heart rate slow a little and the tremor in his arm subside. He also noticed the black lines and movement fade from his eyesight. The headache stayed but that he could deal with. He stood up and again felt dizzy but fought it and won. He decided to take it easy on the way home. He walked the remaining two miles and finally made it home thirty minutes after he should have.

Kylie came out of the house and watched him come up the drive slowly. She had a look of concern on her face. He knew she was worried that he had taken an extra half hour this morning. He thought about lying to her and telling her he just did an extra mile, but he didn't think she would buy it. None of them would, they knew why he ran those six miles every morning.

He smiled at her and walked into the house pulling his shirt off as he did. She just watched him and didn't say anything. He knew she was waiting for him to explain. He wasn't quite ready to yet. He still wasn't sure what had happened and to say it out loud would mean he had lost control. He wasn't ready for that yet. He instead walked silently back to the bathroom and turned the shower on. He took out three extra strength aspirins and swallowed them with a glass of tap water then stripped down and showered. The hot water felt good and calmed his body.

He came out and got dressed and made his way to the living room. Hunter was sitting at the table eating breakfast. He smiled at Jeb and then continued to eat his cereal. Jeb sat down on the couch and put on his shoes. He had thirty minutes before he had to be at work. Kylie slid into the seat next to him.

"Jeb, you ok?" she asked quietly so Hunter wouldn't hear. He looked up at her and saw the concern in her eyes. He took a deep breath and looked over at Hunter.

"Yeah, look, its ok. It's just a bug. It'll pass," Jeb replied with a smile. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She sighed and then patted his hand.

"Your mom is really worried," she said. Jeb looked away. He knew this was coming; he then looked back at her.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Nash soon. I'll tell him about it. It's ok. Trust me."

"Ok," she said. She smiled at him and he smiled back. She slipped her hand in his and he squeezed.

Kate walked into the bullpen and went to her desk. Gibbs was already at his desk. Tony and McGee hadn't arrived yet. She could tell Gibbs was thinking about something. She walked to his desk and leaned over on it. He looked up at her and smiled.

"What's on your mind, Jethro?" Kate asked. Gibbs smiled up at her and reached across for her hand. She took his.

"Just thinking," Gibbs replied.

"About what?"

"Something Ann said. Don't worry about it. It's nothing," Gibbs said with a small smile. Kate studied his eyes for a moment.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked a hint of concern in her voice. Gibbs let out a breath then squeezed her hand.

"It's nothing really, Kate, don't worry," he replied softly. Kate came around his desk and put her hands on his shoulders. He sighed and leaned back. He closed his eyes. He knew she wouldn't stop pestering him until he told her what he had on his mind. He felt her hands start to move. "Ok, ok, Kate."

"It's not good to hold it in, Jethro."

"Kate, why can't you let things go?"

"Because what worries you worries me, Jethro," she said with a smile. Gibbs smiled and closed his eyes again. He took a deep breath and then looked up at Kate.

"I'm just concerned about Jeb."

"How come?"

"Ann said he was having headaches. I don't know just the way she said it got me concerned. I've also noticed Jeb is more reserved when talking to me lately. He doesn't get too deep into any subject, like he's avoiding me about something. I don't know. Maybe I just miss him and Hunter too much and I'm worrying for now reason."

"It's ok to be worried, Jethro, that's what fathers do," she said with a smile and bent down and kissed the top of his head. He nodded slightly.

"Maybe," Gibbs replied softly.

"Take a vacation. Go out there and visit with them. It'll do you all some good."

"Maybe," Gibbs said with a sigh. Kate walked around the side of him and squatted down next to his chair. He looked down into her eyes and smiled. She still took his breath away. She studied him a moment and then put a gentle hand on his thigh. He locked eyes with her.

"Jethro, if you are truly concerned go on out to California. I know you miss them; hell I miss them. I think its time you saw them anyway, its been almost six months since they last visited."

"Yeah it was just after Christmas."

"You got some time on the books. Tony, McGee and I can hold this place together for a while. Go out there. Spend time with your son and grandson," Kate said with a smile. Gibbs looked down at her a moment then nodded slightly. She was right. He did miss them. He missed them more than he could describe. Kate stood up and went back to her desk. She rummaged through some papers and started to write on something. After a few minutes Tony came in.

"Morning, Kate," Tony said. Kate looked up and gave a little wave before returning her attention to the paper. McGee walked in a moment later and slung his backpack down on his desk.

"Morning, Boss," Tony continued. Gibbs just nodded and continued to stare at his desk. "Probie," Tony continued.

"Good morning, Tony," McGee replied. Kate finished with what she was doing and then walked back to Gibbs desk. She laid the paper neatly in front of him and then held out her pen. He looked up at her with confusion on his face.

"Sign," Kate said gently and then pushed the pen into his hand. Gibbs took the pen and then looked down at the paper she had put in front of him. He read it quickly and then looked up at her.

"Kate," he said strongly.

"No. There is no negotiation on this one. Sign it," Kate replied. Her tone shocked Tony and McGee. They both stopped what they were doing and watched. They had gotten used to the idea that Gibbs and Kate were in a serious relationship but sometimes it still took them by surprise at work.

:"Kate, I don't have time for a vacation," Gibbs growled.

"Damn it, Jethro, sign the stupid paper and go," Kate said. Gibbs glared at her for a moment, but only a moment before his eyes softened and he smiled at her. She smiled back. He signed his name on the line and then looked at the dates she had filled in. He was to leave in a few days. She had also given him seven days off. With any luck he could spend almost six of them in California.

"Thank you, Kate," he replied softly then stood up and took the request for time off up to the director's office. McGee and Tony exchanged glances and both shrugged. Kate smiled and then went back to her desk to start the day.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer in on first chapter.**

**Here is chapter three...yes I'm aware that not much happens, but I gotta get Gibbs to Cali and well its kind of a filler chapter...anyway here you go the next installment. **

**A/N: Thank you thank you thank you to all of those who reviewed and expressed how much they love me work. You have no idea how much that means to me. Anyway, since Twin said I should do this again: check out my profile and catch the link to my web site if you really enjoy my work. Thanks!--dark rolling Sea

* * *

**

Chapter Three

_Washington DC_

Kate drove Gibbs to the airport and parked in short-term parking. They got his luggage out of the trunk and started towards the terminal. They walked slowly and Kate slipped her hand into his. She wished she was going with him, but she knew he needed to go alone, to ease his worries.

They didn't have to stand in line for very long, that's what happens when you fly out at six o'clock in the morning and you're at the airport two hours before your flight departure time. Gibbs checked in with the counter and then checked his bigger bag. The two of them then walked towards the security checkpoint. When they got to the point they stopped.

Kate stood in front of Gibbs and slipped her arms around his shoulders. He put his arms around her waist. She sighed and leaned her head against his chest. He pulled her closer. He bent down and kissed her head. She looked up at him.

"I'm going to miss you," she said with a small smile. "But have a good time."

"I already miss you," he said.

"Jeb and Hunter know you're coming?"

"No, but I did let Ann know. I'm staying in a hotel not to far from them."

"Call me when you get situation in the hotel?"

"Of course," Gibbs said leaning in and kissing her softly again. "Wish you were coming with."

"You need to go out there alone and ease your worries. You need to talk to your son," Kate said quietly. "I'm only a phone call away."

Gibbs nodded and looked down at his watch. It was time to get in line to go through security. Even for the early hour there was still a line to get into the terminal. He leaned in and kissed her again and then reluctantly pulled away from her. She let him go with a sigh.

"I love you," he said with a smile.

"I love you too," Kate replied. With that he turned from her and made his way into the line. Kate watched him go through the security, which took about twenty minutes to get through. She smiled when they made him take off his shoes, the security guard announcing that if anyone refused they would have to go through strip search to enter the terminal. Gibbs gave the security guard a look after she passed then pulled his shoes from his feet and dropped them with his other personal belongings that were in his pockets into the big gray tub. He then slid the tub and his carry on bag through the scanners as he stepped through the metal detectors. Nothing went off and soon his bag and the tub came out the other end.

Kate watched him put his shoes back on and shove the rest in his pockets. He then slung the bag over his shoulder and looked at his ticket. He studied the signs above and then slowly made his way off to the gate. Once he disappeared Kate turned and left.

_California_

Another early morning run, another attack. Jeb walked slowly up to the house and stopped when his eyesight was mostly black. He could see shadows and objects, but he was having trouble focusing. His body felt completely drained. His head was pounding like it was about to explode. The headache had started in his left temple again and quickly spread across, behind his eyes, and down the back of his skull. Finally the dizziness went away and his vision returned. He went back into the house like nothing had happened.

His head still hurt but the pain was bearable now. The levels of pain had subsided with the dizziness and vision blackening. He took a couple deep breaths and then took his morning shower. When he came out Kylie was fixing Hunter breakfast. He ruffled Hunter's hair getting a grin in return. Jeb slid into a seat next to him and started to fix his own plate. Kylie sat down after giving Hunter his food.

"How was your run," Kylie asked. Jeb glanced up at her and then at Hunter. He looked back at her and smiled.

"Fine," Jeb said plainly.

"That's good. You have to work today?"

"No, I'm off. How about we go see Grandma, huh, Hunter?"

"Yee-ah!" Hunter yelled and then started to shovel food into his mouth. They both told him to slow down. Kylie smiled then started to eat her own food.

They finished breakfast in silence and then Jeb helped Kylie clean up the dishes. Then they got Hunter to get dressed and they took off for his mother's house. They arrived and were greeted at the door by Jeb's younger brother, Kayden.

"Come on in," Kayden said and then he was out the door. Hunter sprinted into the house and found his grandmother. He sprung up at her and she caught him with an umpf.

"Heya, Gamma!" Hunter squealed. He smiled from ear to ear at her. She beamed back at him.

"Hey, Buddy. Uncle Jeb got the day off?"

"Yep, an' he said we could come see you," Hunter said.

"That right?"

"Yeah it is," Jeb said with a smile. Ann looked over at her son and smiled.

"Hi, Jeb, Kylie. Come on in guys. Jeb, I'm glad you came over I was hoping I could catch ya today," Ann said setting Hunter down and walking over to the couch. She sat down and Hunter ran off to see what everyone else was up too. Jeb and Kylie both found a seat.

"What's up?" Jeb asked.

"Just wanted to talk with you was all," Ann said. "You going to around all day?"

"Yeah, guess so. Didn't really make big plans."

"Good."

"What're ya hiding, Mom?"

"Nothing, Jeb, how're the headaches?"

"Let's not bring that up, ok? I'll tell Doc Nash about 'em tomorrow at the appointment."

"Ok, but don't you leave that office without telling him."

"Yes, Mother," Jeb replied. "

"Ok, Jeb, change of subject," Ann said. Jeb looked up at her with a curious face. She only said things like that when she had something she wanted to know from him. He smiled but didn't say anything. He was going to wait her out on this one. She nodded knowing he was waiting for her. "When are you going to ask Kylie to join the family already?"

Jeb turned bright red. Kylie just smiled and patted his arm. He looked at her then back to his mother the embarrassment obvious on his face. Ann smiled. Jeb looked away and shook his head.

"Jeez, Mom, nothing like beating around the bush," Jeb said trying to regain his composure. Ann just stared at him expectantly. "But if you must know," he looked over at Kylie for a moment. "I proposed to her last week and she said yes, and we're getting married sometime in the fall."

"What?" Ann said the answer clearly not what she was expecting. She looked from Kylie to Jeb and then back to Kylie. Both had huge smiles on their faces, both enjoying her obvious bafflement. "You're serious?"

"Yes, ma'am. I wouldn't let him joke about something like that," she said as she held out her hand to show the ring to Ann. Ann looked it over and smiled.

"It's about time, Jeb," Ann said with a smile. She then got up and gave Kylie and then Jeb a hug. She was about to sit down when she heard a knock on the door. She glanced at her watch and smiled. Jeb gave her a curious look. "Hunter, go get the door, buddy."

Hunter jumped up from the kitchen table, dropping the crayon he was using and hurried to the door. He pulled it open and his grin was almost too wide for his face and he started to giggle.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer on first chapter**

**AN: ok guys here is chapter four! Thanks again to everyone who took time to review. I'm grateful. Keep it up and the story will keep coming :-) on to chapter four! - dark rolling sea

* * *

**

Chapter Four

Washington DC 

Kate went into work early. She sat silently reading over a report, trying not to think of Gibbs. Slowly people started filling up the office and she put the report down. McGee walked to his desk tossing his bag on the floor next to it.

"Hey, Kate," McGee said.

"McGee," Kate replied. Tony came in shortly after with a smile on his face. He was saying good morning to everyone he saw. He then turned his megawatt smile on Kate.

"Goooood morning, Kate," he said with enthusiasm. Kate gave him a look only to see the smile grow even bigger. Kate thought his face was about to split. She gave him a pleasant smile in return.

"Morning, Tony," she said a little strained. "What's with the grin?"

"Oh nothing, just a week without the boss around," Tony said with a wink. Kate didn't respond she just turned away from him and took the file she had up towards the director's office. "Oh, come on, Kate!"

"Leave her alone, Tony," McGee said from behind him.

"You got something to say, McGee?" Tony asked whirling around his smile faltering a little.

"Not anymore, I just said what I had to say," McGee said, sitting down at his desk and starting to look over the stack of paperwork. Tony stared hard at him a moment then the smile came back.

"Man, what a bunch of stiffs," Tony said and then went to his own desk.

Kate went into the director's office and slid into the seat in front of his desk. She held the report in her lap and waited. He finally looked up at her and smiled.

"Agent Todd," he said.

"Director," she replied with a nod. "Here is the report Agent Gibbs was working on before he left. I finished it up for him." Kate handed the report over to him. The director took it and then smiled.

"When I saw his request for leave time I figured I'd see yours right behind it."

"Yes, sir, most people did. But this is something he needed to do, so I'm going to tough it out here."

"He get off ok this morning?"

"Yes, sir. Luckily he complied with all the rules at the airport. Although he was going to challenge the shoe thing until the security guard said they would strip search anyone who refused to take their shoes off."

"Glad he complied," the director said with a laugh. Kate smiled. She missed him already.

"All right. I'm placing you in charge until his return."

"Yes, Sir."

"I'll let the other know that too."

"Thank you, sir," Kate said with a smile and then got up and walked out. It was going to be a long seven days.

California 

"PAPA!" Hunter squealed in delight.

Hunter bent at the knees and sprung up with open arms and Gibbs caught him. They embraced tightly and then Hunter slacked and Gibbs let him slide down his legs back to the ground. Gibbs smiled and then looked past Hunter.

"Hello, Jethro," Ann said with a smile. He smiled back and stepped around Hunter into the house. He gave Ann a hug.

"Hello, Ann."

"Didn't know you were coming out, Dad," Jeb said with a smile. Kylie stood next to him silently. Gibbs looked over at Jeb and saw the nervous look on both his and Kylie's faces. Hunter was still beaming standing as close to Gibbs' leg as he could, looking up at him. Gibbs put a hand down and ruffled Hunter's hair. The boy smiled.

"I had some vacation time and thought I'd use it to come see you guys," Gibbs said.

"Kate make you come?" Jeb asked with a smile. Gibbs shot him a look for a moment before he smiled.

"She didn't make me, but she did suggest," he replied softly. Jeb beamed a smile and then shook his head. "Hello, Kylie."

"Hello, Gunny, nice to see you again," Kylie said with a smile. Gibbs smiled back. It had been a while since someone had called him Gunny. He remembered when Jeb was younger all Jeb's friends called him Gunny.

"How about we all go out for breakfast?" Ann suggested. She got a nod from both Gibbs and Jeb.

"Yee-ah!" Hunter said with a giggle. He then reached up and latched himself on to Gibbs' hand. Gibbs smiled down at him. Kylie smiled.

"Sounds nice," Kylie said. Gibbs looked from Kylie to Jeb and then back to Kylie. He kept his gaze, a playful smile on his lips, on her a moment before locking eyes with Jeb.

"How long are you going to stand there and not tell me you're getting married?" Gibbs asked with a smile. Ann smiled and shook her head.

"You're here five minutes, Jethro, and you already knew. They had to tell me," she said with a smile.

"Jeez, everyone pushing for this," Jeb said with a laugh. "Yes, Dad, Kylie and I are getting married sometime in the fall."

"Congratulations," Gibbs said with a smile.

"Thanks," both Kylie and Jeb said.

"Let's go eat," Hunter squealed and then pulled Gibbs by the hand out the door. The others followed behind.

While they were at the restaurant Gibbs was sitting between Jeb, on his right, and Hunter, on his left. Hunter was taking most of Gibbs attention as he non-stop talked about everything that had happened since he had last seen him. Six months is a very long time to a six-year-old. Gibbs was keeping an eye on Jeb though; he could tell something was bothering him.

Finally Hunter settled down and started to shovel pancakes into his mouth, which kept him silent for a while. Gibbs turned to Jeb just in time to see the boy wince a little then regain his composure. Gibbs looked at the plate in front of his son and noticed he had hardly eaten anything. He had taken a couple bites of everything but that was it.

"Something wrong with the food, Jeb?" Gibbs asked, leaning in close so no one else would hear. Jeb looked down at the plate for a while before he looked up at Gibbs.

"I'm just not so hungry this morning I guess," Jeb said with a forced smile. Gibbs frowned and Jeb looked away. Gibbs decided to let it go for now. No need to cause a scene in the restaurant.

After they were done eating they all made it back to Ann's house where they sat around catching up on everything that had happened in the last six months. Gibbs was glad he had taken time to come out here. He made a mental note to thank Kate when he got back. About an hour after they had gotten back from the restaurant Jeb disappeared for about ten minutes.

"Kylie, you know where Jeb went?" Ann asked, her concern evident. Kylie shrugged but Gibbs could see the concern in her face as well.

"Stop right now and tell me what is wrong with Jeb," Gibbs said suddenly. Both women looked up at him then at each other. They were trying to decide who had the privilege of telling Gibbs something was wrong with his son.

"We're not sure," Kylie finally said, avoiding making eye contact with Gibbs. His gaze bounced back and forth from one to the other like he was at a tennis match but neither one seemed forthcoming with knowledge.

"Jethro, he has been having headaches lately. I don't know what else, but other symptoms too. Kylie, you'd know more than me you spend more time with him," Ann said.

"His runs take longer and longer but I know he's running the same path," Kylie began.

"Maybe he added some distance," Gibbs said.

"No, he runs those six miles for a reason, Gunny, it's his way of staying close to Jake. Those boys started running those six miles with my brother Colton when they were thirteen years old. The three of them were in cross-country together and that was their training run. Now Jeb is the only one back here. Jake is gone and that run is his one strong connection to him. When Colton is home on leave they run it together," Kylie said sternly. Gibbs smiled at her.

"How is Colton anyway?" Gibbs asked.

"Gunho as ever. Deployed in Iraq right now. But now it's taking almost an extra fifty-three minutes a morning for Jeb. That's bad. He was running six-minute miles before now I think he walks half of it, or is stopped somewhere because he can't go further. Something is wrong with his eyesight too. He won't admit it but I know something isn't right sometimes," she continued.

"What else?" Gibbs asked. His stomach was in knots.

"Just little things, he's not eating as much, he is more irritable, but I think that's from the headaches. He has a tremor in his left arm and hand sometimes. He tries really hard to hide it but I still see it."

"Has he talked to a doctor?" Gibbs asked.

"No," Ann said softly. Gibbs nodded. He got up and walked towards the back of the house. He was about to go down the hallway when Jeb came out of the bathroom wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. Jeb stopped cold and watched Gibbs eyeball him.

"What?" Jeb asked.

"You just disappeared a while ago," Gibbs said with a shrug.

"So I have to tell you when I'm going to go to the bathroom now too?"

"No, but if you're sick I'd like you to let me know," Gibbs said.

"Who said I was sick?" Jeb asked. Gibbs could hear the defensiveness in his voice.

"Easy, Jeb, we're just talking," Gibbs replied with a smile.

"Look, I know everyone is worried. I'm going to see Dr. Nash tomorrow ok?"

"That's good. Let him know about everything."

"I will."

TBC………….


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer on first chapter.**

**AN: ok this chapter was written rather quickly in a campground a couple nights ago. It was a pain to get it edited with my computer throwing temertantrums and IMers and people calling me on the phone :-) but I foraged through all the distractions and problems and I bring you chapter five. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

_California_

Jeb got up early like every other morning. He went out on the front porch and stretched so not to wake anyone else. He was just finishing up and about to start his run when Kylie came out wrapped in a robe. She was still half asleep Jeb noticed. He smiled at her as he leaned sideways against the railing along the steps.

"Jeb, don't go this morning," Kylie said with a yawn. Jeb was a little irritated. He looked down.

"Everything is fine, Ky, go on back in and get some more sleep," Jeb said softly.

"I just got a bad feeling is all, Jeb, please."

"Look, I'm gonna run this morning. I'll be back later," he said quietly then stepped off the porch. Kylie watched him walk down the sidewalk and out into the street. He started of at a walk towards the neighborhood they grew up in that was right around the corner. Her gut started churning but she went back inside and crawled under the covers.

Jeb tried to clear his mind. He was irritated that everyone was trying to baby him. He was fine he told himself. Nothing was wrong with him. He was strong he would be fine. He started his slow jog for the first mile and then gradually worked his way into a fast paced run. He was in mile four when he felt the first stirrings of an "attack", but he pushed on. He was not going to let it beat him. He felt himself get dizzy and then his eyesight started to dance. The black lines started to move through his line of vision and his heart rate increased. His breathing became ragged and forced yet he pushed on anyway. He was going to finish this run.

He felt his legs going numb and he had to keep looking down to make sure they were actually moving. He felt like they weighed a ton each but yet he pushed himself. He noticed he had lost speed and was not moving fast at all, yet he pushed on. He was coming up on mile five when his left knee gave out and he stumbled. He went down and felt the world spin wildly around him. His eyes were dancing and jittery. He couldn't see anything in his surroundings that wasn't flipping in circles.

He felt his stomach clench and fought back the urge to vomit. He was on his knees urgently trying to draw air into his lungs with little success. He sat back on his heels as his chest heaved with the lack of oxygen. He felt the panic start in his chest and slowly spread. He tried to maintain his mental control but he felt himself slipping into incoherency. He wasn't even sure where he was along the path anymore. He fell back and had enough mind to put a hand back to keep his head from cracking off the concrete of the sidewalk.

His legs slipped out from under him and lay at an awkward angle bent at the knee to the side. He was losing control and the panic started to surge through him. But the panic didn't have a chance to overtake him because shortly he wasn't even sure where he was or what was happening. He made one effort to get up but his body flopped like a fish out of water and he had no control over his muscles. He lay on the ground breathing raggedly hoping that someone would come along soon.

Kylie couldn't go back to sleep. The feeling of worry kept nagging at her. She got up and went into the living room and switched on the television. She was careful to keep the volume low so not to wake Hunter. The morning dragged on and she got up to fix breakfast. Hunter came out of his room sleepy eyed and yawning. He rubbed his eyes then slid into the table and laid his head down on his arms.

"Want some breakfast, Buddy?" Kylie asked softly. Hunter picked his head up and nodded. Kylie fixed him a bowl of cereal and he ate it quietly. Kylie couldn't help it, she glanced at the clock every minute, carefully tracking the time that Jeb was gone.

She was worried. He was late. Not later than his usual as of late, but late nonetheless. She watched the clock while Hunter went into the living room with the television. Soon she told him to go get dressed. He reluctantly went into his room and changed out of his pajamas. The bus would be coming soon. She finished getting him ready and then started to feel the unease of panic as Jeb was still not back. This was too long. She got Hunter on the bus and if the boy was worried that he hadn't seen his uncle that morning he didn't show it. As soon as Hunter was off to school, Kylie picked up the phone and called Ann.

"Ann, it's Kylie," she said even before Ann said hello.

"What is it?" Ann said quickly the concern evident in her tone.

"Jeb never came back from his run. I'm worried sick. I'm gonna go out looking for him but I'll need help I think," Kylie said biting back the tears and panic that threatened to take her sound thinking mind from her.

"I'll call Jethro. We'll be over shortly," Ann said.

"I'll start out," Kylie said then hung up. She walked over a block and took a quick glance at the two houses, side-by-side, that they had grown up in. She pushed on following the route Jeb would have taken.

Ann made a quick call to Jethro and barely explained to him what happened when she heard the line go dead. Guess he is on his way she thought. Gibbs was at her house within five minutes or so and they headed the short distance over to Jeb's. Ann explained the route Jeb would have taken to Gibbs as she parked her car in the driveway. Gibbs just nodded got out and headed out. He went the opposite direction than Kylie had. Ann didn't know which way to go so she went the way Kylie had started.

Gibbs walked about a mile and a half at a brisk pace, searching both sides of the street. When he spotted Jeb on the sidewalk up ahead he broke into a trot, which quickly turned into a run.

"Jeb!" he called out but the boy didn't answer. He came up beside him and sunk to his knees on the pavement. He put two fingers on Jeb's neck and pushed gently. He watched his watch. Jeb's pulse was strong but his heart was moving too fast. Gibbs quickly did the math in his head: one hundred twenty beats a minute. He swore under his breath and watched Jeb's ragged breathing. He looked the boy in the eye and could see his eyes moving and twitching, he didn't look like he was unconscious yet, buthe wasn't responsive. Gibbs pulled Jeb's legs out from under him and straightened them out. The boy let out a slight moan as his body shifted.

"Jeb, look at me," Gibbs said softly. He saw movement and noticed Kylie running towards him, with Ann about twenty yards behind her. Gibbs took a deep breath and then looked around. Jeb still didn't respond but his eyes were roving the sky. Gibbs noticed Jeb's left arm was trembling.

The sun was coming up over the horizon and there was a blinding golden light spattering over them. Gibbs squinted as Kylie came up beside him.

"Ohmygod, JEB!" she said shrilly, sinking down next to Gibbs. Ann came up quickly a hand over her mouth. Gibbs saw her fighting back tears. He looked up at her and willed his brain to work.

"Ann, go back. Get the car, bring it over here," Gibbs said quickly. "Ann, go now!" Ann finally snapped back to reality and nodded slightly. She then headed back towards Jeb's house, cutting through yards to make the trip quicker. Gibbs saw someone come out onto the front porch to see what the commotion was all about. He ignored them. He turned his attention back to Jeb.

"What's wrong with him?" Kylie said with a sob. Gibbs reached out and pulled her close to him and she buried herself in his shirt. She sobbed into him.

"He'll be ok, Kylie, I promise you. He's tough, he'll fight it whatever it is," Gibbs whispered quietly. He was also trying to convince himself. It wasn't working. He felt the sickness in the pit of his stomach, he felt he pressure in his temples, he felt the panic in his chest. Not again. That was all he could think about, not another funeral, not another son.

His mind flashed quickly to Hunter. He felt the sickness deepen. What would Hunter do if Jeb were gone? Who would he stay with? Gibbs forced the questions from his mind and let go of Kylie. She seemed to have regained a measure of composure. He looked Jeb over again as time seemed to stand still.

Finally he heard a vehicle, and looked up to see Ann speeding down the road. Kylie slowly got back on her feet as the car skidded to a stop next to them. Gibbs scooped one arm behind Jeb's knees and the other arm around his shoulders and lifted. He grunted with the weight but then carried the boy swiftly to the car. Gibbs noticed more people had come out on their porches. He stuck Jeb in the back seat and quickly slid in next to him. Kylie dropped heavily into the front passenger seat and Ann drove off.

"Where you taking him?" Gibbs asked.

"I don't know. The ER seems like a good place," Ann said quickly. She was driving fast but Gibbs thought it was still too slow. Jeb was moving around now and his eyes were searching, but not focusing just yet.

"You have Nash's number?" Gibbs asked pulling out his cell phone. "I want him to look at Jeb."

"Its in Jeb's phone. He may have it on him," Kylie said quickly. Gibbs nodded and started patting down Jeb's pockets. He located the phone in the second pocket he tried and pulled it free. He flipped it open and stared at it a moment trying to figure it out.

"Give it to me," Kylie said gently reaching around the seat. Gibbs shoved the phone towards her and she pushed a few buttons before placing it next to her ear. It seemed like ages to Gibbs before she started speaking.

"Dr. Nash please…this is an emergency…Tell him it is about Jeb McPherson…Dr. Nash, Jeb collapsed while running today…no he seems to be incoherent…the ER…no we're driving now…yes I'll let her know…thank you, Dr. Nash." Kylie hung up the phone and looked at Ann. "Dr. Nash said take Jeb to his clinic."

"Do as Dr. Nash says, Ann, take him there. You know where?" Gibbs said looking down at Jeb.

"Yes," Ann said and quickly changed course towards the clinic. Kylie was fighting back tears again and Ann was trying to push past the panic.

Gibbs was feeling sick again. He couldn't lose another son, he hadn't had enough time with either one. He beat the panic down again and looked Jeb over. Jeb blinked a couple times and started to sit up. He saw the boy's eyes roll and jitter with the dizziness and Jeb moaned a little. Kylie's head shot around the seat and she stared.

"Jeb, look at me," Gibbs said softly. The boy's head turned and his eyes came up to Gibbs'. Gibbs smiled slightly and Jeb's eyes rolled with the dizziness he was experiencing. His breathing was more normal now and Gibbs took his pulse again. Down to ninety-seven beats a minute. Good.

"What the…where am I?" Jeb said slowly as he started to come back to coherency. He didn't remember getting into a vehicle, let alone with Gibbs, Ann, and Kylie. He tried to sit up but the headache viciously attacked from his temples to the back of his head. His eyes hurt and the spinning wouldn't stop. It was slowing but it was still spinning. His stomach rocked again and he slid back down on the seat.

"On your way to see Dr. Nash," Gibbs said quietly. "You collapsed while running and Kylie called your mother who called me. We found you and got you in the car and then called Dr. Nash who said to bring you to him."

Jeb just nodded but it made his head hurt and he closed his eyes. He was worried now. No attack had taken this much out of him, nor last this long. He tried to keep the fear at bay but it was slowly seeping into his being. He looked up slowly at his father and saw the fear riding in his eyes as well.

_Washington DC_

Kate woke with a start. She had a bad feeling that morning and couldn't shake it. Something just wasn't right. She thought back to her phone conversation with Gibbs yesterday eveing.

He had waited to call her from California. His reason was he didn't want to call her during work. She knew he didn't want anyone around so she could talk freely with him. She playfully scolded him for not calling when he said he would but they quickly moved on.

He had said everything was fine there, but she could hear the undertone of worry in his voice. When she asked if he was sure, and he replied why would I lie she didn't push it any further. He would tell her when he was ready. She had learned that about him this past year. When he was ready he would let you know, but never push him, otherwise he'll never tell you.

They had chatted for a while and she could hear the entire time the worry and concern in his voice, but she let it go. She wished she had gone out with him to California, how much she missed Hunter and Jeb, but he needed this time alone. She knew that. He had thanked her for making the suggestion. She told him it was nothing.

She got ready for work with an ear listening for the phone. When he didn't call she brushed it off to him spending time with the family. She knew Hunter was to start school today, but Gibbs would be spending time with Jeb and Ann. She went through work with a ear out for her cell phone. But he never called. She began to worry. When she took lunch she figured in her head what time it was in California. It was one o'clock eastern time that made it ten o'clock on the west coast, he was supposed to call by now. She pushed the thoughts from her mind, but that nagging feeling she woke up with stayed with her. He would call she said. He was just busy.

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer is on chapter one.  
A/N: Sorry gang it was so long in updating. I'm having major computer issues with the laptop and so I've had to move myself up to the main desktop (which isn't mine, therefore not always accessible) in order to get online and to write. So with that I bring you chapter six. Enjoy and hopefully another chapter coming shortly. Reviews always welcome dark rolling sea.

* * *

**

**Chapter Six**

_California_

Ann quickly made her way towards Dr. Nash's office as Gibbs continued to watch Jeb in the backseat. Kylie was clutching the seat tightly as she peered at Jeb. Gibbs looked up at her and saw her face was devoid of color and her eyes had a glassy hint to them. He reached out and put a gentle hand on her shoulder and it seemed to jolt her from wherever she had gone. He smiled and she nodded and turned back towards the front of the car.

Jeb sat back against the seat, his legs under him now as he had regained some strength. He fought with his brain to produce the memories of the run and just what had happened. Slowly he began to piece it together. _Running, quickening the pace, the dizziness closing in on him, his eyes playing tricks on him, drunk with the dizziness of his brain, his heart rate spiking, his breath coming in gasps, his legs going numb, checking to make sure they were moving, the collapse, the feeling of helplessness, the feeling of loss of control. Nothing._

Jeb looked out the window and started to feel the panic again, maybe there was something seriously wrong with him. This wasn't just going to go away he thought suddenly and it scared him. Was he ready to go through this again? Was he ready for something to be seriously wrong with him? His eyes shifted to Kylie. His heart felt crushed. Damn it. Was she ready to handle something? Was she strong enough to go through this with him? Of course she was he said. She was there for the accident recovery. He couldn't doubt her love for him. That thought gave him a lift, but was it enough?

He looked then at his father. He saw the underline of fear and anger in his eyes. Gibbs continued to check Jeb's vitals about every 30 seconds and Jeb didn't disagree. He let him do it. As he stared at his father his thoughts invaded again. How strong was his father? Could he go through this and come out ok? Two sons, one already gone, how much more could he handle?

Then the shock hit him and he felt sick again. But this time not from what ever was wrong with him. Hunter. How could Hunter deal with something? Jeb knew now that he had to fight no matter what happening to him he could not go down without the fight of his life. He knew that he wasn't as strong as he had been anymore; the accident had wiped him out for a while. He was still only about eighty percent, but he would let that twenty percent take him.

The car had a deathly silence to it as they neared the doctor's office. Jeb was starting to feel better now and his strength was returning. Finally they pulled into the parking lot and everyone scrambled out and meant to help Jeb but he pushed ahead of all of them and walked away from the car under his own power. No matter what happened he had to appear strong…for them.

He walked into the waiting area and Dr. Nash was standing there anxiously waiting for them. He saw Jeb come in and hurried over to him. Gibbs came in next and quickly came up next to Jeb. Ann and Kylie came in and stood slightly back from the group.

"Jethro, so good to see you again, wish it were under better circumstances," Dr. Peter Nash said while extending his hand to Gibbs. Gibbs reached out and took his hand,

"Likewise, Peter," he replied softly.

"Now, Jeb, let's go into the exam room so we can talk," Dr. Nash said putting an arm around Jeb's shoulder and guiding him towards the hallway. They disappeared through a door and Gibbs sank heavily into a chair and sighed. Ann sat softly and clenched her hands in her lap. Kylie paced by the window like a nervous tiger. And they waited.

"Tell me, Jeb, what's been going on. Kylie was quite upset when she called in," Dr. Nash said when they were in the exam room. Jeb looked down for a moment before looking the doctor in the eye.

"Been feeling different lately I guess," Jeb began, trying to put everything in order in his brain. He was having trouble concentrating at the moment. "Been getting headaches, and my vision is messing up, dizziness, vomiting lately. I haven't been all that hungry either. There's been a tremor in my left arm for a little while now, this morning my legs went numb while I was running and I collapsed. I lost coherency but I'm pretty sure I never lost consciousness. My hear rate is irregular, spiking up to 120 beats a minute sometimes, and then coming down to 68 beats a minute at other times. Breathing can be screwy at times."

"Ok, and is there a pattern as to when these symptoms happen?"

"Usually during my morning runs, I get the shortness of breath, the wicked heart rate, the numbness and tremors, the headaches come all the time though, not just when I'm running. The vomiting usually happens a couple hours after I've eaten something, but it's not every time, and sometimes it surprises me. Loss of appetite is recent."

"Describe the headaches to me," Dr. Nash said quietly. Jeb looked at him a moment, seeing the concern in the doctor's eyes before continuing. He didn't like the look Dr. Nash was giving.

"They start here," Jeb said as he pointed to his left temple. "Then they spread across to my other temple and then from there it travels down to the back of my head and stops here," Jeb continued pointing to the base of his skull at the end. Dr. Nash nodded and then pulled a stool out of the corner of the room and wheeled it in front of Jeb. He sat down slowly and then looked up at Jeb. Jeb read the emotion of the doctor on his face and braced for the news. He knew this wasn't going to be something easy.

"Ok, Jeb. These symptoms could mean any number of things. Now since I've known you a long time now and gone through hell with you I think I need to be straight forward and honest with you. The news I'm about to give you isn't going to be pleasant, Jeb."

"I can handle it, Doc."

"There is a long list of possibilities and I'll have to draw blood and run test to find anything out but your symptoms could be cancer. Or it could be a brain tumor, and a nervous system disorder. Has there been any coughing involved?"

"No, none at all," Jeb replied shaking his head.

"Ok, then that most likely rules out TB."

"Tuberculosis?"

"Yes, but with no coughing it's quite likely that you do not have that. But these other's I've mention are possible. Now it could also just be a viral infection. I want to take some blood today and run some tests. So I'm going to have the nurse come in here and take blood. Sit tight," Dr. Nash said and then laid a gentle hand on Jeb's shoulder. The boy only nodded staring at the floor.

Jeb felt heavy. He felt sick in his heart. This was going to be tough he knew it. His brain was on overdrive now as it had fully recovered from the episode only half an hour ago. The thoughts were running so fast he was barely registering them before the next one blindsided the previous one.

_You're going to die. No I am NOT. This is going to be hell on the family. We are strong we can handle this. It's cancer. Its not it is just a viral infection you wait and see. I already know and so do you. It's something more serious. You're going to DIE. No I refuse. I will not die._

His thoughts were interrupted when someone entered the room. Jeb glanced up quickly to see the nurse coming in. She smiled at him but he didn't return it. He couldn't even force himself to smile. She came up beside him and asked him to hold out his left arm. He did and she put a tight rubber band around his arm just above the elbow. She then tapped on his vein on the lower part of his arm just below the elbow. The vein came into view and she stuck a needle into it. The tube attached to the needle started to fill with a dark maroon colored substance that was his blood. _That is your future_ his brain thought as the nurse pulled the needle back and then immediately placed a cotton ball over the hole. She then made him bend his elbow to hold the cotton ball in place. He gave her a small smile and she left the room.

Jeb sat silently in the room waiting. He was drained of everything. He hoped this was all a dream. His thoughts came back to Hunter again. Hunter was off attending school right now. He didn't know his uncle was at the doctor. He didn't know that his uncle could be dying. He didn't know his uncle was even sick. How would he explain to him?

He felt his heart grow heavy. He felt a depression coming over him. His brain screamed at him to wake up a moment before it was too late and he fought. No, I won't give into this; I won't let this beat me.

Dr. Nash came back into the room and sat down in front of him again. He waited a beat then looked at Jeb. He smiled then began to speak.

"Jeb, I know this is going to be tough, but it takes about a week to get the results back. You'll need to come in next Monday and I'll have the results of the blood tests then."

"All right," Jeb said. _A week. An entire week without knowing. This is going to be the toughest week. _

"You want me to go out there with you and help you tell your family?" Dr. Nash asked. Jeb looked at the floor a moment and pondered he doctor's request. He decided it would be best that way.

"Yeah, Doc, if you don't mind. I don't know that I could tell them," Jeb said, holding back the tears in his eyes. He didn't know how much more trauma he could endure in his life.

Dr. Nash nodded and stood up. He put a calming hand on Jeb's shoulder and the boy rose and they left the exam room. Jeb walked out slowly, behind Dr. Nash as they came back to the waiting room. Gibbs looked up when he saw them coming out and sprang to his feet. Ann was next to him in an instant and Kylie was still hanging back. Jeb motioned for her to join them and she reluctantly did.

"Jethro, Ann, and Kylie, Jeb asked that I speak with you. He doesn't know that he could tell you everything we discussed and would like me to inform you of his condition," Dr. Nash began. Gibbs looked curiously at Jeb, then back to the doctor. Jeb stared at the floor.

"What's the problem, Peter?" Gibbs asked his throat suddenly dry.

"Now, this is inconclusive and I want you to know no tests have been run as of yet. We have taken blood and tests will be run and we'll know the results next Monday," Dr. Nash began. Gibbs heart began to ache more and more with each word. His eyes started to fill but he would be strong, no tears would be shed here. "It is possible, with the symptoms that he described to me, that Jeb has any number of aliments. Some of those, and I don't mean to scare you but, they include forms of cancer, brain tumors, tuberculosis, but with no coughing that one not so likely, and there are several other reasons for his condition as well like any number of viral infections he could have. We'll know more and can go from there when we get his blood tests back next week."

"A week?" Ann asked quietly. The tears were about to fall from her eyes as she struggled to comprehend the news she just received. _She was losing anther son._ She tried to remain strong but the tears slipped down her cheeks. _The other twin was going to die too._ She fought hard to maintain control. _Please God don't take another baby from me._ Finally she just looked at the floor.

Jeb couldn't look at any of them. His mother was silently crying, Kylie had gone back to the window and Gibbs was staring at the wall. Dr. Nash was done and he silently made his way out of the middle of the crowd. He patted Jeb on the shoulder as he passed by him and then was quickly gone. Jeb finally looked up at his father.

"Dad, I…" Jeb started but couldn't finish. His throat was tight. He saw the tears in his father's eyes and the ones falling from his mother's and he sucked in a deep breath and swallowed hard to hold back his own insecurities.

"Come here," Gibbs said softly and pulled Jeb to him. He held him tight and the boy let go and cried into his father's shoulder. He didn't care anymore he just wanted it to be happening to someone else. Finally Jeb pushed back and wiped at his face. Ann and Kylie were both standing by the window now and he looked up at Gibbs.

"How am I gonna tell Hunter?" he whispered and almost lost control of the dam on his tears again. Gibbs just shook his head. He had no idea.

_Washington DC_

Kate was still at work and wondering why Gibbs had not called her yet. It was getting later in the afternoon and she still had that feeling that something was wrong. She sighed. She hadn't gotten much of anything done at work. She was now thinking of taking vacation time and doing something on her own just so she wouldn't be so distracted by Gibbs being gone. She stared at his empty desk and sighed. She missed him...a lot.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: WOW two chapters in one day. Arent you guys lucky. :-). Ok this one wrote it self and I figured might as well post it today as well as the other one. More coming soon the story is rolling along and has a full head of steam. Anyway on to Chapter Seven...enjoy and remember to review-- dark rolling sea

* * *

**

**  
Chapter Seven**

_California_

The rest of the morning was spent at Jeb and Kylie's house. No one really said anything they were all lost in the news that they had received that morning. Jeb was struggling to come to terms with the emotions that were building inside of him. Gibbs was trying to throw out the feelings of despair and helplessness. Ann was trying not to think about her son dying. Kylie was holding the tears back while she thought about losing Jeb.

Gibbs had lost all notion of calling DC. He didn't even give it a thought. He was trapped in a world he didn't understand, one of death and loss and depression. They waited. For what they didn't know, but they were waiting. There was nothing else that could happen. A week, a long time to wait for bad news.

Jeb stared at the floor not sure how to tackle the issue at hand. How can he fight something he didn't even know? It was going to be harder than he thought. He had hoped to find out what was wrong this morning but he knew that was stupid. There was no way to diagnosis someone without tests but he didn't figure on it taking so long.

Hunter came home from school and wondered why everyone was at the house, but not happy. He knew something was wrong by the way everyone was pretending to be happy. He put his bag down and took his school shoes off then went and sat down next to his uncle Jeb. He looked up at him and his eyebrows came together as a determined look came on his face.

"Uncle Jeb?" he asked quietly. Jeb looked at him with sad eyes. "I know you're sick," he said in a kid's whisper. Jeb felt the tears fall from his eyes and he nodded. "It's ok; I know you'll be ok."

He had said the last part with such confidence that Jeb couldn't help but let the tears fall. Here he thought he would have to be strong for Hunter and it turned around on him. Hunter was going to be strong for him. It amazed Jeb that the boy could be so tough so young. He was still having a few nightmares from a year ago, but here he was being strong for his uncle. Hunter then climbed down and went over to his grandmother. He crawled into her lap as she sat in the chair silently.

"Gamma, Uncle Jeb is gonna pull through, just like he did when he got shot," Hunter said in a quiet voice and then leaned in and wrapped his arms around her neck. Ann bit her lower lip and held Hunter to her tightly. She squeezed him until he complained he couldn't breathe and then she let him go with a smile. Gibbs was standing off to the side watching. He felt depressed and didn't know how to deal with it.

Hunter looked up at his grandfather and frowned. He had never seen the man with such fear and weakness exposed. To Hunter his grandfather had been a façade of power and strength, always in control, always right. He was on a pedestal no one else could reach. His grandfather was a tower of righteousness and strength. Hunter slid slowly from his grandmother's lap and thought about going to his grandfather, but then he looked at Kylie.

She looked lost. She looked pale. She looked so small to Hunter. She was huddled on the recliner holding herself tightly. She was staring at Jeb but Hunter could see she wasn't really there. Her eyes were hazed and she was inside some thought or memory. Hunter could feel the despair from the family. He diverted his path and came up next to Kylie. He climbed into the recliner and gave her a hug. She seemed to come out of the daze and returned the hug.

"Don't worry, Aunt Kylie. My uncle, he's strong. He'll be just fine, you wait and see," Hunter said matter-of-factly. Kylie just nodded but nothing about her demeanor changed. He frowned and sat still for a moment. Everyone was so down. Everyone was so depressed. He felt he needed to hold it all together but he was only six years old. How could he.

And if he really did admit it, he was scared. He pretended to be brave on the outside because he had to be. No one else was. It was up to him to be the glue. But being so small made that so hard. And the fear of losing his uncle made it ever worse. He didn't want to lose someone else. He barely knew his own father, and never remembered his mother. He was too young. Jeb had been the replacement he had needed at the time, but now he was being taken away too.

But he would be outwardly strong, for his uncle, for his grandmother, for Kylie, and most of all for his grandfather. He would be the one to tell them it was going to be ok. It was going to be all right. He would be the one to bring them though. He hoped.

Ann finally sat up. She looked at the clock. She looked over at Jeb. "Jeb, I have to go back to the house. Your brother and sister need to be told," Ann said quietly. Jeb nodded then he stood before Ann could leave.

"Wait," Jeb said softly. Ann looked at him. "Let me tell them."

"You sure?"

"Yes, they need to hear t his from me. I…yes," Jeb said staring at the floor. Gibbs said he would watch Hunter and Kylie decided to go with Jeb to give him support. Once they were gone Gibbs sat down and rubbed his face. Hunter watched him intently. Gibbs tried to run the pain, the fear, the anger, and the depression away. He did not succeed. Hunter finally came slowly up next to Gibbs.

Gibbs looked at his grandson and felt his heart grow heavy. He bit back the pain and forced a smile on his face. Hunter watched the gesture and nodded. He saw his grandfather attempt to be strong for him. Well it was ok Hunter decided he would be the strong one.

"Papa?" Hunter asked quietly. Gibbs reached out for Hunter and the boy gently climbed into his lap. Gibbs held him tight and kissed his head softly. Hunter wrapped his arms around his grandfather then he looked up. "It's ok to be sad, Papa."

Gibbs looked down at his little grandson and felt the tears escape. He pulled the boy close again and cried a silent cry as the boy returned his hug. They sat like this for a while. Finally Gibbs was done and he released his hold slightly on Hunter. The boy looked up and smiled. Things just might work out. But he still saw the emotion in his grandfather's eyes that must still be battled.

No one had actually told Hunter what was wrong. He didn't mind. Sometimes it was easier to battle the monster if you couldn't see it. But his curiosity was getting to him. He waited a while before he asked his grandfather.

"Papa, what's wrong with Uncle Jeb? I mean I know he is sick. I…I've seen his…problems, but what did the doctor say?"

"How did you know he saw a doctor?"

"Because you all KNOW something is wrong."

"Yes, something is very wrong, Buddy. But we don't know what for sure. You uncle could have cancer. You know what that is?"

"Yeah, people die from it. Billy at school, his grandma died from cancer."

"Uncle Jeb could have cancer. But it could be other things as well. The doctor said one more week before we will know."

"How come?"

"They need to run tests on your uncle's blood to see what is wrong with him."

"The tests tell you if he has cancer?"

"Yes."

"One week?"

"Yes, Buddy, one week."

"That's a long time," Hunter whispered quietly. Gibbs only nodded. He didn't know how his grandson could be so strong right now.

They sat in silence for a while until everyone else was back. Ann and Kylie came in first followed by a very drained looking Jeb. Gibbs watched his son come across the room and drop heavily into the recliner.

"Kayden was so quiet about it. I'd be…distraught if this happened to him," Jeb said softly. "I think I would have reacted like Jasmine." Gibbs didn't have anything to say to his son. He didn't know how to comfort him right now. He didn't know what to do.

_Washington_

Kate left NCIS Headquarters around six in the evening. They weren't on an open case so she enjoyed the rare evening off. She went to the house and let herself in. She immediately started to miss Gibbs even more. She was extremely worried that he hadn't called at all during the day.

She went down to the basement and sat on the couch. She watched his boat. It wasn't very entertaining she had to admit but it made her miss Gibbs just a little bit less. She couldn't stand it more than an hour though and she made her way up to the kitchen to fix something to eat. She still wondered how he planned on getting that thing out of the basement.

She fixed a simple meal and ate it in silence. She was watching the clock and looking at the phone a lot. She finally broke down around eight o'clock and called Gibbs at the hotel. The phone rang and rang and finally the front desk answered and asked her if she would like to leave a message. She told the man to tell Gibbs she had called and left her name with him. She hung up. She wasn't discouraged yet; he could still be out with the family. It was only five o'clock in California.

She dialed his cell phone and let it ring and ring. No one answered it and his voice mail picked up. She thought about leaving a voice message but then hung up before the beep. She dialed him again and waited. Again no one answered and the voice message picked up. She hung up.

The knot in her stomach was growing. That feeling from the morning came back and hit her like a Mack truck. She knew something was wrong now. Gibbs always had his cell phone. She took a few deep breaths. He's just busy her brain said quietly. Yeah. It was half an hour later and she redialed again. This time someone did picked up his phone.

_California_

As Jeb sat in the chair dejected and contemplating his future, Gibbs got up and walked outside. He needed fresh air. He needed a break. He rubbed his neck and blinked at the sunshine. He didn't know what to do anymore. He knew he would need to take more leave time from work. He looked at his watch; it was eight o'clock in DC, too late to call the director tonight. He would have to call first thing in the morning.

Gibbs didn't hear his cell phone ringing from inside as he stood out on the porch thinking. He wouldn't have known what to say had he heard it anyway. He took a deep breath and stared off into nothingness as his mind ran off thinking about how he would get through this ordeal. He was on the porch for half an hour before Hunter came looking for him. He looked at his grandson and saw his cell phone in his hand.

"It's for you, Papa, its Kate," Hunter said holding the phone out for him. Gibbs smiled and took the phone from the boy.

"Thank you, Buddy," he said to Hunter then he put the phone to his ear. "Kate, sorry I didn't call you today."

"I was wondering," Kate said. "How are things going out there?"

"Fine, Kate, listen, it was a busy day and time just got away from me. Sorry I didn't call but I'm really exhausted right now. Can I call you tomorrow?"

"Ok," she said cautiously. Her gut was churning. This didn't sound like the Gibbs she knew. She didn't want to force the issue and have him shut down completely on her, but she was desperately wondering what had happened in California. "You're sure everything is ok?"

"Yeah, it's all ok, Kate. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Ok. I love you, Jethro," she said quietly. Gibbs ended the call.

_Washington_

When Gibbs ended the call Kate felt a pang in her heart. He was shutting her out. He was removing her from his life. Something was terribly wrong in California and he wouldn't share it with her. He had tried to warn her a year ago. He had told her this might happen. She said she would face that fire when it was lit. The fire was here. He had shut her out. She frantically thought of what she could do. First she would need to take leave time. She would go to California. In the morning she would talk to the director, and then she would call Ann.

Ann would tell her what the problem was. Ann would fill her in. She had spoken with Ann several times on the phone over the past year but had never met the woman. Kate knew she wouldn't sleep tonight, she was too anxious.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer on first chapter...although Jeb and Hunter and their family are of my own mind.  
A/N: Ok guys here is chapter eight, chapter nine is coming soon too. It is written it just needs editing and tweaking :-). anyway, here is chapter eight I hope you enjoy. The story seems to be moving fast now so hopefully it will keep on rolling! dark rolling sea

* * *

Chapter Eight**

_Washington_

Kate did not sleep at all that night. She was worried, she was upset, she even cried. How could he shut her out suddenly after the year they had spent together? Then her brain reminded her that he told her this would happen. Well she wasn't going to let it she told her self. She was going to fight for him. She sat down at the computer she had installed in his house and signed onto the Internet. She booked a flight to California for the next afternoon, the earliest flight she could find.

She checked the clock about every five minutes, swearing it was going backwards with each glance. The anxiety was thick as she replayed the conversation in her head. She tried to clear her mind but the sounds and images refused to budge.

Finally the alarm sounded, but Kate was already showered, dressed, and ready to leave for work. Just it was only time to be waking up. She sighed and wandered about the house, trying to occupy her mind while she waited. Finally she gave in and drove to work. She was early but at least she wasn't at the empty house.

No, she was just at the empty bullpen. She sighed again. She was doing that a lot this past day. She glanced at his desk and bit back the tears. She could handle this. She just had to wait.

_California_

Gibbs sat sleepless in his hotel room. It was the middle of the night, or maybe morning by now; he didn't even know anymore. He had left Jeb's house a couple hours ago and the family was still in shock. He didn't know what to do. Once in the solitary of his room he shut off the lights and let the darkness engulf him. He tried to forget. He tried to think of other things. Nothing worked. All that came to his mind was death.

He fought hard to maintain control. He would not weep, he would not falter. He would be strong. He would fold the emotions up and tuck them away. To feel nothing was better than to feel pain. He checked the bedside clock, the only source of light in the room. It was nearing four in the morning. He did the math quickly in his head. The director may be in his office by now in Washington.

He pulled his cell phone out and turned it on. He had turned if off after he hung up on Kate. He didn't want her calling him back. He waited for it to power up and then find service. No messages he thought, guess she didn't call back. A part of him felt pained by that but the rest of him felt relief. He wasn't ready to share the deepest darkest region on his heart with her yet. He didn't know why it scared him to do so, but it did.

He dialed the director's direct line and waited. He half hoped it would be voicemail and he could just say he wouldn't be back and not have to explain right now but the director picked up on the third ring.

"Director Morrow," he said confidently.

"Director, its Special Agent Gibbs," Gibbs said.

"How can I help you? It's a little early in California to be calling in isn't it?"

"Yes, Sir, its ahh, four in the morning here, but I needed to talk to you first thing. I need an extension on my leave time."

"Ok, how long?"

"Indefinite, Sir."

"Indefinite?"

"Yes, Sir. I don't know how long I'll be in California but a family emergency has come up and well I need to take some time."

"Ok, Agent Gibbs. You have enough time to use, I can grant you that. Is everything ok?"

"Yes, Sir, just need some time. And I'd appreciate it if you kept the emergency part under wraps."

"Sure, Agent Gibbs. Anything I can do?"

"No, Sir," Gibbs replied and then ended the call. He sat in the darkness with a tightness in his chest. He was here for the long hall now. He would sit by his son's side, through recovery, or through death, he would be there.

_Washington_

Kate knocked on Director Morrow's office door and waited. He finally told her she could come in and she slid into a chair quietly. She was worried and it showed on her face. He studied her for a moment before he prompted her.

"You need something, Special Agent Todd?"

"Umm, I need to take some vacation time," Kate replied softly.

"Ok, I'm assuming it has something to do with Agent Gibbs' family emergency." The words hit Kate hard but she fought to hide her reaction. She just nodded at him. He studied her again before continuing. "I guess I can authorize this. Seems that the team is on a lull at the moment but understand I may call you back on a moments notice."

"I understand."

"When do you leave?"

"This afternoon. My flight leaves at four thirty two."

"Ok. How long do you need?"

"At least a week, for now. I may…"

"Need more. I know Special Agent Gibbs spoke to me this morning about his indefinite leave." Again the words slapped Kate, but she beat the reaction down a second time. The director knew more than she did and it hurt. Kate nodded and left.

Kate went home and started to pack for California. She thought now she should have done this last night while she was up with the anxiety. She hurriedly stuffed enough clothing into a bag and then set it by the door. She made sure the house was secure and then she called a taxi to take her to the airport. She had three hours left until her flight. She made it through security with no problems and then found her gate. One more hour to go. Her stomach was in knots. She thought about eating then decided against it, she was too upset. She pulled her phone out and then the number she had scribbled down from the house. She punched in the number and waited.

_California_

Gibbs watched the sun come up from the balcony of his hotel room. He was still without sleep. He didn't know what else to do he was lost. Jeb woke and decided against running. He was scared. Kylie stayed in bed a thick depression surrounding her. Jeb made his way to the living room. Ann was awake sitting on her couch staring blankly at a picture of Jeb and Jake when they were four. Kayden was in his room writing his thoughts down to keep them from overwhelming him, and Jasmine was silently crying into her pillow as the morning took hold.

It seemed Hunter was the only one getting any rest. He was sound asleep in his room. Jeb thought back to the confidence the little guy had exhibited earlier when he found out. Jeb was shocked that the boy could be so strong so young.

It was nearing mid morning and Jeb was at work. He didn't tell anyone about his doctor visit yesterday or why he had missed work. No one asked. Hunter was at school and showing the same exterior he normally showed, even if he was scared to death on the inside. Kayden and Jasmine were both off to school, going though the motions, but heavily distracted.

Kylie was still in bed, battling the fear she felt enclosing her. Ann sat on her couch surrounded by pictures of her twins. She pulled out an empty photo album and started to put pictures of the two in chronological order. It was something to take her mind off things. It was a connection to her sons.

She was startled when the phone rang. She wasn't expecting any calls. She nearly jumped and a stack of pictures tipped over. She righted the pictures and then scooped up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Ann, this is Kate."

"Oh, Kate," Ann said softly trying to hide the emotion in her voice. Kate noticed right away something wasn't right.

"I…I spoke to Jethro last night but he told me everything was fine and I could tell he was not telling me everything. Look, I don't know why but I have a feeling…"

"My god. Kate, he didn't tell you?" Kate was taken back by the shock she heard in Ann's voice. Something defiantly was not right.

"Tell me what?" Kate asked cautiously.

"I don't know how to tell you, I mean he really should be the one to tell you. I don't know what…"

"Ann, what's happened?" Kate asked a little more frantic. "Ann, I'm sitting at the gate waiting to board my flight to California. Tell me what happened, I can't take a four hour flight without knowing."

"Kate, we found out Jeb is sick yesterday."

"Sick?"

"Yes. He may have cancer, or brain tumor, or other problems they aren't sure. They are running tests but it's going to take a week to get results."

"My god. How is Jethro?"

"Not taking it well. I haven't seen him at all today. Last night he was distraught."

"How did Hunter take it?"

"Surprisingly he took it in stride I think. At least he is giving the appearance of being strong."

"Ann, I'm on my way out there. I'll be in California around three thirty California time. I'll take a taxi to Jethro's hotel."

"Ok, Kate. It will be good to meet you I just wish it was under different circumstances."

"I agree with that. Oh their calling my flight, Ann, I have to board. I will be there this afternoon." With that the call ended and Kate boarded her flight. Ann thought about letting Jethro know but she knew if she told him he may not be at the hotel when Kate arrived. No better to let her surprise him and take him off guard she decided.

She thought about why he hadn't told her. It was something she deserved to know but he really should have told her last night. She shook her head he was too stubborn. She didn't know what was going to happen next, so she occupied her brain by returning to the photos before her.

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

**  
Disclaimer on first chapter.  
A/N: Here is Chapter Nine y'all. Another quick chapter. Hope you enjoy. dark rolling sea. And thanks a bunch for the reviews!

* * *

Chapter Nine**

_In Flight_

Kate didn't know where she was, just that she was thirty thousand feet above the ground. The flight seemed to take forever. She was distracted and couldn't get her attention on the on board movie. Her mind was wandering. She kept running the past year through her head trying to figure out why he would hide something like this from her. She didn't know what he was thinking.

It scared Kate that something like this could make him shut down. Something that could make him turn away from her. She didn't like the hurt she felt, she didn't like where this could lead. She struggled to suppress the urge to scream.

The flight attendant continued to ask her if there was something wrong. Kate smiled politely and told her everything was fine. Hmm, maybe it wasn't so hard to turn you back on people she thought. But there was a difference, Kate did it to a complete stranger, Gibbs did it to her.

She continually glanced at her watch. Couldn't this plane go any faster? It seemed like each minute was an hour as she crossed the country high in the air. She managed to eat a little trail mix that the flight attendant had brought her and she sipped slowly at the drink they had asked if she wanted. She had a window seat and there was someone in the aisle seat but the seat between them was vacant.

Kate was glad. She wasn't in the mood for someone who needed to fill the air with conversation. The young man sitting in the aisle seat had a Discman with headphones and appeared to be asleep. Kate stared absently out the window.

_California_

Gibbs stood on the balcony of his hotel again. He didn't know what else to do. He couldn't be around anyone right now he needed time to think, time to hide, time to smash and bury the emotions.

He spent the morning and part of the afternoon pulling each thought and emotion apart and hiding them deep inside of him where it could not hurt him. He would void his body of pain. He would feel nothing and he would survive.

_Airport_

When Kate's plane finally landed she let out a sigh. She was finally on the ground in California. She was almost to him. She was almost there. She thought about how his reaction would be.

She de-boarded as quickly as she could, luckily her seat was toward the front of the airplane and she didn't have to wait very long for people in the aisles. She checked the board for her luggage claim station and headed towards it following the overhead signs. She finally grabbed her bag off the carousel and then made her way out to he curb. She managed to flag down a cab rather easily and gave the driver the name of Gibbs' hotel.

The driver made his way though the mid afternoon traffic with little effort. Shortly she was out front. She paid the driver and smiled. Then she turned and went into the lobby. She didn't hesitate; she knew his room number. She found the signs marking which rooms were where and she followed them to his room: 205.

She hesitated at the door, her exhaustion from lack of sleep the night before and the long day of travel made her falter in her attempt to reach him. She pushed past the feeling and knocked quietly on his door. He didn't answer. Maybe she should have called first. She knocked again. Still no answer.

_In the Hotel Room_

Gibbs heard someone knocking on his door but he ignored it. Who would be coming to see him here? It didn't matter he decided he wasn't up to seeing anyone; even it was his family. He needed this time to pull the emotions out and tuck them away, to seal off the pain and the anguish.

The knocker didn't quit. Gibbs grew irritated and glared at the door. The persistent knocking was disturbing his effort to calm his inner being, to displace his feelings. But as he ignored them they didn't give in. Finally he gave in and nearly ripped the door from its hinges as he tore it from the jamb.

Shock engulfed his face for a split second as he saw Kate in the hallway staring back at him. She was a little taken aback by his manner in opening the door. She couldn't read his eyes like she normally could. They were cold, calculated, and empty. They were dull, emotionless pits. It made her afraid.

Gibbs quickly recovered from his initial shock and built stonewalls around his heart and his eyes. No one would see the emotions inside him, because he would not feel those emotions. They stood for a full minute staring at each other.

Kate was worried that he hadn't said anything at all to her showing up. He showed nothing, not happiness, not grief, not even anger. His eyes were blank slates that let nothing escape.

"Can I come in?" she asked slowly. Gibbs contemplated her request for a moment. He studied her face, her eyes, with his own cold blue ones. She felt an inner shudder as the stare penetrated her to the core. He didn't say anything he just stepped back from the opening and turned towards the doors to the balcony. He left her standing in the hallway to make her own decision.

Kate was deflated. He had never acted like this around her. He had never treated her like this. She felt the pain in her heart knowing that he was shutting her out in his time of great need. She felt the anger well inside her that he didn't trust her enough to let her see his pain.

He left the room taking up his spot on the balcony. She stood in his room holding back the tears threatening to fall. She would not lose this battle before she even began to fight it. She would be strong she told herself. She walked towards the open doorway and stood looking out at him. He had his back to her. He was stiff from head to toe. He stood unmoving staring off at the vastness of nothing. Lost in the memories of his life with his son.

Kate pushed herself onward. She came out onto the balcony and strode confidently up next to him. She stood silently waiting. She didn't have the right words. She didn't know what to say to him, she didn't know how to comfort him. She had never seen him this way before. Finally she broke the silence.

"Why didn't you tell me last night?" she asked softly trying desperately to keep the hurt from her voice. She was looking down at her feet. He glanced at her for a moment then returned his hardened gaze back to the sight in front of him.

"Not your business," Gibbs replied sternly. Kate was floored. She felt like he had pulled back and punched her in the stomach. Her chest tightened and her heart shattered. She didn't know how to react to that. They had been together for a year and now he says his life isn't her business. She wanted to beat him senseless, she wanted to make him feel pain, she wanted to run away.

She held fast to her spot and stared at the wooden floor beneath her, as she fought to clear her brain, and come up with coherent thought. She was failing, as her brain wanted to do nothing more than shut down and wail. He was not going to make this easy, but she should have expected that.

"I love Jeb too, Jethro," Kate whispered. She wasn't sure what else to say. "He's part of my family."

"This doesn't concern you, Kate. You should go back to DC," Gibbs said gruffly and then turned and walked back into the room. Kate held her spot on the balcony as the tears escaped. Gibbs slid the door shut behind him and pulled the blinds closed over the glass. He didn't have the energy to deal with a second issue.

Kate was devastated. She didn't know what to feel. She was crushed, this was the moment he had been afraid of that first night in her apartment after Jeb was shot. This was the moment he had spoken of that scared him would come. It was the moment that would drive her from his side.

She was determined; it wouldn't be that easy for him. She would not leave that easily; she would fight for him. She wiped the tears from her face then she spun around, and pulled the door open. The noise of the door in the slide shattered the quiet of the room. Gibbs turned slightly to watch her come in, his eyes still cold and emotionless.

"This may be how you deal with a situation, Jethro, but I will not run," she said sternly with fire in her voice. He just nodded but gave no other indication of emotion. He stood motionless staring at her. She didn't understand what had come over him. She nodded and then decided it was finally time to meet Ann.

She left Gibbs' hotel room. He was still there. She went down to the lobby again and out the front. She dialed Ann's number, explained what had happened and then got directions to her house. She flagged another taxi and told the driver where to go. It was a short ride and again Kate paid the driver and then slowly walked up to the front door of the house. Ann came onto the porch to great her.

She wasn't very tall, maybe five feet four inches and very slim. Kate saw where Jeb got his build from now. She walked up the front steps and smiled. Ann was leaning in the doorway now waiting.

"You must be Kate," Ann said with a smile.

"Yes, and you must be Ann," she replied. The other woman nodded and smiled.

"Come on in," Ann said stepping to the side to allow Kate to pass by her. Kate walked into the living room and dropped her bags on the floor in the corner of the room. She then made her way over to the couch where she saw the stacks of pictures and the photo album sitting on the coffee table. Ann smiled and walked around her and sat on the couch. Kate took a seat next to her.

TBC...

* * *

**A/N: ok ok, so don't be mad at me (I did warn you in the summery!) but you can be mad at Gibbs! But this is just how I feel someone with his character would deal with such a stressful situation. All right there you have it :-) dark rolling sea.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer is on first page.  
A/N: hey guys just a warning but some strong language in this chapter, and probably throughout from here on. Sorry if it offends anyone. That aside! Chapter Ten on a plater for you. Ok, so I've posted about five chapters in the last five days but don't get too spoiled they may slow down over the next couple days...gonna be pretty busy. Enjoy and thanks everyone for the reviews. dark rolling sea**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

Kate sat quietly next to Ann for a while as Ann fitted pictures into the album. She watched silently as she saw Jeb and his twin grow up in pictures. Finally she felt the burden of what happened earlier in the hotel room. She couldn't be strong anymore. She needed to talk to someone.

"Something on you mind?" Ann asked quietly, seemingly reading Kate's thoughts. Kate smiled slightly then sighed.

"Yes, I…" Kate couldn't speak. She couldn't convert the thoughts to words. She was at a loss.

"He can do that sometimes," Ann said with a smile. Kate returned it and it seemed to break the binds the he had placed on her mind. Kate looked at her hands a moment then looked up at Ann again.

"He shut me out, completely." Kate's voice was barely above a whisper. Ann nodded and looked at the picture she was holding. It showed a smiling Jeb in a baseball uniform posing. Kate thought he looked like he was about ten in the picture. Kate realized that her problem was hugely minor compared to Ann's problem at the moment. She realized that no one was here for her either. "How are you dealing with this?"

The question caught Ann off guard. She wasn't expecting to talk about Jeb. After her conversation with Kate earlier she had thought Kate would come over and unwind her anger at Gibbs. But here she was putting it aside. Ann tried to smile but it didn't work, and it quickly turned to a frown.

"I'm losing my boy," Ann said quietly.

"He's not dead yet, Ann. It's only a chance he's dying."

"Thank you, but sometimes you just know. This week is going to be hell," Ann replied, tears slowly slipping from her eyes. Kate put a gentle hand on Ann's arm and squeezed. Ann looked up with gratitude. It would be nice to have someone to go through this with, even if she didn't know the other woman.

Jeb moved slowly through his day at work. His mind was severely distracted. _What do I do? How can I be strong? One thing after another. Brain Tumor, cancer, nervous system disorder, viral infection, something else, something more, something less. _His brain continued to repeat the thoughts. Continued to gnaw away at his sanity. He felt himself barely conscious of what he was doing.

As the day passed along his thoughts were all but consumed with his problem. He didn't know if he would last the week. Then he thought of Hunter and remembered he had to be strong. He had to put up a face like his tiny nephew had and trudge along. He couldn't give, not yet. He didn't even know what was attacking him. He made a decision right there he had to fight all nodes of depression he felt. He couldn't let even a little bit of pity in. He reviewed his life, being born a month early, growing up with his twin not knowing a father until they were five, being adopted by a man that loved them as his own sons, the birth of his baby brother, and then sister, losing the only father he had known, torn away from him at twelve years old, finding his biological father, making a relationship, becoming a marine, losing the marine way because of a stupid drunk driver, becoming an uncle, losing a piece of his soul when he lost his twin, almost losing his life and Hunter's a year ago, and now this. He felt the cards were dealt against him. He knew what he had to do.

As soon as his shift was done he called one person he could talk to. Someone that would know how to comfort him and help him cope with this disaster. He would have preferred to have Jake next to him but he figured his friend R. J. would make a suitable replacement.

The phone rang and rang. Jeb held his breath without even realizing it. He needed his friend to pick up the phone. Finally he heard the line open.

"Donovan," a gruff voice came over the phone.

"Hey, R.J.," Jeb said softly into the phone. The emotions flooding his heart as he prepared to tell his friend his dilemma.

"Yo, that you, Jeb?"

"Yeah, I..uh…"

"What's wrong?" Donovan's voice was full of concern and Jeb took a deep breath and swallowed hard to hold the tears at bay.

"Man, I really could use an ear,"

"You got one, you know that. Always, anytime, any place. Now spill the beans brother, you in trouble?"

"Not like that, it's…it's not something I can't avoid. God this week is killing me, R. J. A fucking week I gotta wait."

"For what man?"

"The doctor, he said…he said I…it might be a tumor or cancer or something."

"Shit," It sounded more like a hiss than a word to Jeb. "You need me in Cali?"

"No, hey don't disrupt your life for me. I just need someone to talk to is all," Jeb said quickly.

"Listen, not a big deal to shuffle and come out there. I can work from Cali you know that. I can get a transfer for that sake. I'm not on tour right now I'm state side. Listen I'll get out…"

"R.J., I just need…"

"How's Kylie?"

"What?"

"How's Kylie?"

"Oh, I um, I don't know. She's well pretty down. Listen it's hard on all of us. I mean we don't find out what for a week you know?"

"Yeah, anytime you need a shoulder, you holler, I'll be there, hear me?"

"I know. I'm just so…scared," he said, his voice trailing off at the end.

"I know. It's hard not knowing. Listen though. You're one tough bastard, remember that. You're a marine, son, the best of the best. Hear me?"

"I know but it doesn't change the dark feeling, you know. It's like on your first time out on your own and you're all painted up and all the noise of the night is surrounding you, I don't know. I don't know how much more stress we can handle."

"That's it. I'm coming out there."

"No, no. It's ok, R. J. Really. I just needed to talk to someone you know, that wasn't balling their eyes out. I don't know it's just…well my dad is even weird now."

"I know. Hang in there man, and whenever you need it I'm only a phone call away, and more importantly I'm only a flight away, you hear me?"

"Yeah man, I hear ya. Thanks."

"That's what brothers are for," he said quietly.

"I really miss Jake, R. J. God how I miss him. I need him right now."

"I know, kid, I know. He's with you though. Remember that. He's inside you. He's with you every step of the way. Remember that. Just look in your heart. You can still talk to him, just close your eyes and speak from the heart. He'll hear ya, buddy."

"Thanks, really."

"Don't mention it. You just call me if ya need ANYTHING."

"Sure will. Thanks again. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

The call was over and Jeb felt a little lifted from his heart. R. J. Donovan was one of his closest friends from his marine days. They had met just after Jeb had finished boot camp and was assigned to Donovan's unit. They had made friends with each other quickly and stuck close to each other. It was a bond almost as tight as Jeb's bond with Jake had been, but not quite. It was comforting to know R. J. was still out there, and ready at a moment's notice to be by his side.

Kate and Ann spent the afternoon getting to know one another, sharing stories of their lives. Ann shared a lot of stories of Jeb and Jake growing up and of Hunter. She filled Kate in on Kylie and Kate was over joyed to hear the news. They fell into a comfortable spell and it helped to forget the stress and troubles that surrounded them. Gibbs failed to show up even though Kate had hoped he would come looking for her. It was all well though. Maybe she needed to give him a little space right now. She found that Ann was willing to let Kate be a part of the family no matter what. Finally the conversation turned to the problem at hand.

"So how is everyone handling this?" Kate asked quietly. Ann looked up for a second and then looked back down at her hands in her lap.

"Jeb, is overwhelmed I think. I think he may be numb from the shock. Kylie, well I'm worried about the girl, she just looked so down last night. Hunter, the brave little soul, he's put on the tough guy face and is determined to hold the glue in place I think. Jeb's brother Kayden is keeping it in, and his sister Jasmine is broken hearted. Neither wants to lose another brother."

"And Gibbs?" Ann looked at her a little shocked that Kate had called him that. Then she saw in Kate's eyes that Kate was a little shocked herself.

"I really don't know. He didn't look very good last night, and then well…you've seen him today, I haven't," she said with a shrug.

"Yeah."

"Me? I'm distraught. I don't want to lose another son. I don't want to lose another baby. But part of me feels hope and strength that this one can pull though."

Kate smiled. It was good to hear her speak like that. There was hope. There was always hope Kate thought. It was nearing dinnertime and they heard a knock on the door. Ann got up slowly and went to it. She smiled and stepped back after opening it. Kate watched as Hunter bounded in with a grin on his face. He turned and saw Kate sitting on the couch and the grin expanded ten fold. The boy raced across the room and sprang up into Kate's arms as she sat on the couch.

"Kate!" he squealed with delight and wrapped his little arms around her. She squeezed him tight and closed her eyes while she held on. When she opened them she saw Jeb and a girl standing just inside the door. Despite his problem Jeb wore a huge grin on his face, until he looked around and didn't see Gibbs. The grin started to falter and his eyes questioned Kate.

"He's uh…at the hotel I guess," Kate said quietly as Hunter slid off her lap and to the floor. He looked up at her and frowned. Jeb only nodded and then turned to Kylie.

"Kate, this is Kylie. Kylie, that's Kate, my dad's girlfriend," Jeb said with a smile. Kylie smiled and Kate returned it.

"Nice to meet you," Kate said. "And I hear congratulations are in order?" Kate saw the slight confusion on both their faces before the look of recognition come over them both. They both smiled a little and nodded. Kate just smiled at them both. They then decided inside of throwing together a frozen dinner they would go out to eat, minus Gibbs. They couldn't get a hold of him.

TBC...


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer is on chapter one.  
A/N: All right back from an exciting weekend (went to OH to see Tonic Sol-Fa Auntie Theo), and after a weekend of lots of live music, and chatting with the guys I'm back to give you Chapter Eleven. Hope you all enjoy. dark rolling sea****

* * *

**

Chapter Eleven

The week slogged forward, as slow as molasses. Kate forged a bond with the family, becoming a member quickly. Even Jeb's two siblings accepted her into their life. She felt honored. She had minimal contact with Gibbs. He seemed to be keeping his distance, from everyone. She felt her heart aching and didn't know how to go about approaching him. She decided to focus on the family in need in front of her instead of her own heart for the moment.

Hunter was ecstatic to have Kate around and he spent most of his time away from school with her. He kept up the brave outside appearance and continued to boost everyone else's spirits with his energy. Kylie slowly came around and started to interact once again and by the end of the week she was smiling again. Jeb felt his burden spread among the many of his family, including Kate, and it was an immense help as he faced the unknown. His stomach grew tighter and tighter with each day of not knowing. As the week neared its end he felt a tinge of panic over take him.

It was late on Friday night when he escaped the family gathering in the living room. They had all decided to watch a movie at Ann's house to help break the tension and after it started Jeb figured he needed time to think. He took himself to the front porch and sat in the calm evening air watching life pass him by. He was deep in thought when he heard the door open.

He looked up to see Kate smiling at him as she pulled the door closed behind her. She didn't say anything just walked around him and took the seat next to him. They sat in silence for a while as they both reflected on what the news in three days could mean. Finally she looked up at him.

"How you doing, Jeb?" she asked softly. Jeb took a deep breath and thought about it a moment. He had been doing wonderful as his family helped him to take his mind of things for a while, but every once in a while it would slap him in the face. _I may die_.

"I'm ok," he replied slowly after a while. He nodded as if to convince himself. Kate frowned.

"It's ok to be scared." Jeb flashed a look at Kate. She sat still waiting.

"I know. I am too. I can't tell you how scared I am. It's this…its not knowing. But what happens when I find out what it is. Does it change? Not really because all it changes is that I'll know what my killer is."

"Jeb, you know there is a strong chance it's nothing too," she said with a comforting touch to his arm. He nodded slowly.

"Yes, but the odds are that it's something more. I can't ignore that, Kate."

"I know. Have you talked to anyone?" Jeb's mind flashed to the conversation he had had earlier in the week with R. J. and again slowly nodded. He then realized that he didn't really talk about much just that he was afraid…and he missed Jake. He looked at Kate. Something in him told him he could trust her.

"Yes, but not a lot. I…I told him I was afraid. And I miss my brother, but it's so much more, Kate. I don't know how to explain it," he said. Kate sat patiently, quietly, waiting for him to continue. It worked. "It's a fear that I've experienced before. I…after the accident I was certain that that was it and I wasn't going to be whole any more. I wasn't going to be able to walk. Now look at me. I can run, I…well I'm almost back to normal except I can't stress my body as much. Then this. I get back on my feet and life kicks me in the teeth. I can't understand why things can't just…"

Jeb felt the tears in his eyes and closed the lids. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Kate said nothing. She sat quietly beside him. She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and left it there. The contact seemed to give Jeb more strength. He wasn't alone. He had known that before, but now it finally felt real. He didn't have to go through this alone. He looked at her.

"This is so hard. How can Hunter be…so strong?" Jeb asked quietly. Kate smiled.

"He's a tough ol bird just like his uncle and grandfath…" she said, her words halting as she said grandfather. Her thoughts went immediately to Gibbs. But not for her own problems. Where was he? He should be with his son. They had seen him sparsely over the last week and when he was around he was cold, disconnected, and emotionless around them. Kate pushed it all aside. Jeb had looked at her and saw the emotion run though her. He looked down. He knew it was hard or her too, the way Gibbs was acting. It was hard on him too. With out Jake he had hoped to lean on his father, but now he was leaning on a friend on the other side of the country.

"I wish I could talk to him," Jeb said quietly. Kate wasn't quite sure who Jeb was referring to but she again stayed silent to let the boy's thoughts come out. It was a few moments before he continued. "I didn't even know him when it was so rough. I mean as a kid it was tough being without a father so young, and then Declan changed our world. We were a family. Then we were a family shattered. But it helped me to find the real father. Now where is he? Dammit, I need him and he's being a bastard."

"Jeb, I don't think he means to hurt you. I don't think he means to hurt any of us. He just doesn't know how to deal with…"

"He's NOT the one GOING through THIS!" Jeb said in frustration. "HE is on the outside. HE is…"

"Losing the only son he has left," she cut in softly. Jeb looked at her with tears in his eyes. The first of them started to fall and he let them. He nodded. He still didn't understand.

"How can you defend him?" he asked. Kate was surprised. She didn't know why she was defending him. She was livid with him right now, yet here she was trying to justify why he was being the bastard he called himself.

"I don't know, Jeb, just that I guess maybe I can see what caused him to hide. He's puts up such a show on the outside as the steel hearted, ice cold bastard, that no one really sees his underside. And when the he starts to lose control of that hardened exterior I think it scares the shit out of him and he shows everything he can away from his heart and his mind to protect that rough exterior."

"Why not let it crumble?" Jeb said slowly.

"How long did it take you to cry, Jeb?" The question caught him off guard and he quickly wiped at the tears tracks on his cheeks. He hadn't really noticed that he was crying until she said something and now he felt embarrassed. He felt himself flush a shade of red. "And now you are embarrassed that I saw it, it's the same concept."

"I…" Jeb started, but couldn't finish. She was right. Why couldn't he just let out the emotion that was bottled and trapped? He felt ready to explode yet it would be simple enough to let some of the pressure out. He dipped his head and let the tears roll slowly down his cheeks. Kate leaned over and draped an arm over his shoulders. His silent cry lasted ten minutes before he sat up and took a deep breath. He looked at Kate and smiled.

"Thanks that…helped."

"Just remember its ok," she replied with a smile. Jeb nodded and looked out into the growing darkness. He checked his watch and then turned to Kate.

"Hey, I have a phone call to make. Thanks for this, Kate; it means a lot to me."

"Anytime," she replied. They both smiled and then Jeb bounded down the steps, pulling his cell phone out as he went. Kate sat on the porch a while longer and just waited. Finally she decided to make a call herself. She pulled out her phone and dialed.

"Hello," the voice on the other line said cheerfully.

"Hey, Ducky, it's Kate."

"Ah, Caitlin, how is your vacation going?"

"Well, could be better, but…"

"Tell me, Caitlin."

"Having…issues with Jethro," she said softly.

"My, my."

"He's closed off, Ducky, he…Jeb needs him and we can't seem to reach through the barrier."

"Caitlin, I know you think I can reach him the best, but believe me, I know this man very well. You, my dear, are the one that can pull him out. You just have to face up to him and not back away. Let him know, dear, let him know what Jeb is feeling as well."

"I don't know how, Ducky," she said in a whisper, the tears nipping at her eyes.

"Sure you do, just go up to him and tell him. I've seen you do it before, you've always captured his attention even when you didn't know."

"Thank you, Ducky," she said and then ended the call. She knew now what she had to do, and she had the weekend to accomplish it. She went inside to find Ann to tell her she was leaving for the night. She then took a cab to Gibbs' hotel and walked back to room 205. She knocked hard on the door and took a step back. The door opened and she stepped through.

TBC……..


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer on first chapter.  
AN: Thanks again for all the reviews! Its always great to hear what people think of your writing. Here is the next installment! Chapter twelve for your enjoyment. I'm hoping Chapter Thirteen will be along shortly...so enjoy...and remember to tell me what you think. 'Sit for now dark rolling sea.**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

Kate stood very still about two feet in from the hallway. He was standing next to her with his hand still on the door. He pushed it slowly closed and turned away from her. He walked out onto the balcony, closing the door behind him. Kate waited. She felt like there was a ton of weight on her shoulders. She had to snap him out of this, and she didn't have much time. Jeb needed him desperately. Kate just needed to show Gibbs that.

She had been there five minutes and they hadn't spoken yet. He was standing at the railing on the balcony watching the night take over. He looked like he hadn't sleep in a while. She figured she looked that way too. She couldn't read his eyes when she stepped onto the balcony with him.

He had glanced at her briefly with dead eyes. There was no emotion. It scared her. She waited, wondering if he would eventually ask her why she had come. Instead he turned angry eyes on her. She swallowed hard and he turned to face her.

"Why are you still here?" he growled at her. She could feel the venom dripping from his words and she felt the first surge of panic.

"Someone had to be there for him," she snapped back at him. He didn't flinch.

"You should leave it all alone, Agent Todd," he spat out at her.

"Why? Because you aren't strong enough to deal with it on your own!"

"I've asked you to leave twice now; if you don't go soon I may just remove you myself."

"Don't do this, don't do this to him."

"THIS is not your affair."

"Have you spoken to Jeb? Maybe he wants me here!"

"Did he ASK you to come out here?"

"Why are you doing this? I don't understand. I mean you've been a bastard in the past but this is just down right cold, Jethro. Don't turn your back on your son, Gibbs! He needs you more than you need him, trust me."

"Don't you dare tell me what I need, or what he needs. You haven't experienced anything compared…"

"Because YOU WON"T LET ME!" she roared at him cutting him off. Gibbs took a step closer, his eyes flashing with anger. He was consumed by it. He was pissed at everyone and everything. His world was spiraling out of control and he couldn't stop it. He was in denial, he was in panic, he was confused, and he couldn't admit it.

"This is MY life, YOU don't need to be here," he growled again.

"This is OUR life, Jethro, or did you just suddenly forget the last year we spent together, living under the same roof, sharing the same bed."

He was silent. She could see his mind turning but he just stared at her. She had no idea what he was thinking. She didn't know what else to do. She had tried the front on attack and he hadn't budged. She looked at his face. The tears ready to fall. She just nodded and turned.

Going through the room quickly she left the hotel. She sat out front and tried to clear her head. This was a pivotal moment in her life. She couldn't lose him; she can't let him shut down.

Coffee. Her first thought was of coffee. She would come back with a peace offering of sorts. She went inside to ask the desk attendant where to get the best coffee in town. After getting directions she set out towards the coffee shop.

Gibbs went back inside the room and felt the walls close in on him. He sat down on the bed and ran the conversation over in his head. He let her words soak in and the pain slapped him in the face. How could he react like that? How could he push her away?

She had been there for him for a year and the first thing he does is shove her down when he really needs her support. His next thought was of Jeb. Jeb didn't do anything to deserve his cold hearted act. He was probably scared out of his mind facing the unknown. Gibbs felt his heart constrict and the pain in his chest made him remember to live. He took a deep breath. His body shuddered with the stress and the first of the tears leaked from his eyes. How could he ever think the best way to survive was to feel nothing?

He let the tears fall now as his heart finally reacted to the stress of the situation. He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands and wept. He didn't know how long he had been like that when he heard a slight knock on his door. He stood up slowly and opened the door. Kate was standing in the doorway with two cups, one in each hand. She gave him a puzzled look when she saw him. He turned around and returned to the bed sitting on the edge again.

Kate slowly approached him and held out one of the cups. He looked up at her with pleading eyes and shook his head to the cup. She pulled it back and waited a second before putting both of the cups on the night stand. She sat down quietly next to him. He stared at the floor with his eyes heavy with sadness, and Kate just watched. Finally he broke the think silence of the room.

"I…I'm sorry," he said in a barely audible whisper. He slumped his shoulders and his chin touched his chest, he closed his eyes. The tears were coming again and he let them fall. "I'm just so afraid of losing him; I thought…I thought the best case was to feel nothing to survive."

"It's ok to be scared, Jethro," she replied soothingly. She reached her arm around him like she had done for Jeb. He leaned into her and accepted her embrace. He let his emotions take hold and they sat for a while in the hotel room. After what seemed like an eternity Gibbs straightened and looked at Kate.

"I need coffee," he said flatly. Kate smiled. She pointed to the cups on the nightstand. He glanced over and grinned. He reached out and dumped half the cup into his mouth on the first gulp. He pulled the cup away and took a deep breath. Kate smiled again.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah…actually I do," he said with a smile. Then he frowned. "Kate, I…I didn't mean what I said."

"I know you didn't. It's ok. But you really need to talk to your son, he needs you right now," she said softly. Gibbs nodded he felt suddenly tired. He glanced at the clock and saw it was nearing ten o'clock eastern time (he was getting pretty good at looking at a California clock and instantly converting it to DC time). He thought back and realized he hadn't slept more than three hours in the last couple nights. Kate noticed the change.

"You should rest," she said quietly. He looked at her and nodded. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. Kate was still next to him and pushed some hair off his forehead. He smiled and opened his eyes to look up at her.

"You look tired too," he said softly and reached up for her. She sighed then curled up next to him on the bed. They were soon both asleep.

After Jeb was off the porch he dialed R. J.'s number in Washington. He waited for the line to go through. Finally it started ringing. Jeb was feeling the weight of the situation and wished desperately that it was Monday. The weekend couldn't pass fast enough. He had already spoken with his boss to be able to take time off it need be.

"Colonel Donovan," R. J.'s voice said in his ear.

"Yo, it's me."

"How are you doing?"

"It's…difficult. Gibbs is still distant. But I feel better. I just wish it was Monday."

"You sound better, what happened?"

"I talked to Kate," Jeb said, a smile playing over his lips.

"Kate?"

"Yeah. Gibbs' girlfriend."

"Ahh."

"She helped you know? What he…can't…do," Jeb said.

"I'm glad someone helped. Listen I wasn't going to tell you this…"

"Don't you dare disrupt your life to come out here," Jeb said instantly cutting R. J. off.

"Look, it's not a big deal, Jeb. I can…"

"It is a big deal. Just…"

"Ok, we'll play it by ear then, ok? These nightly talks are good, but I think you need someone to lean on by your side. I just think that it's better if…"

"It's ok now; I got someone that will stick it out."

"Who?"

"Kate will be here whether he likes it or not. Listen I should go they're gonna start lookin' for me."

"All right. Hang tough marine, semper fi."

"Semper fi," Jeb said and ended the call. He felt better. He had support now in person and on the phone. He could beat this, and he would fight.

TBC……….


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Chapter Thirteen on a golden platter! Thanks for reviews!**

**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen**

Gibbs woke suddenly but didn't move. He felt the warmth of another body curled neatly in his protective embrace. He opened his eyes to see Kate still sleeping. He studied here for a while, making sure not to wake her. He rolled slightly to glance at the clock and sighed. It was still very early in California. He closed his eyes in a feeble attempt to go back to sleep but the thoughts crowding his brain kept him awake.

He was awake at least another hour before he felt Kate stirring. He continued to hold her in a protective way but as he felt her waking he closed his eyes. He could feel all the uncertainty, the fear, the helplessness, the panic flowing through him. He didn't know how to deal with it; he was never good at that. He was always a brick wall, nothing got to him, and nothing affected him. This was too close though. This was his son.

Kate felt him next to her as she slowly came out of sleep. She stretched a little before opening her eyes to see him facing her with his closed. She took a moment to study him, and noticed the stress in his face. She reached out and stroked a hand through his hair. She wanted to be able to take all the pain from him and carry it for him. She hoped he would at least let her shoulder some of it.

"Kate, I feel helpless," Gibbs whispered with his eyes still closed. His sudden speech stunned Kate. She studied his face and waited for more, not sure how to breech the subject. He slowly opened his eyes. She saw the raw emotion explode and it struck her deep. She pulled him closer to her, his forehead resting against her chest. He seemed so small to her at that moment, so fragile. She had never thought she would have to be the strong one next to Gibbs. But here was the moment; she was going to have to be the wall for him.

They lay still for a while as she felt him shudder against her. She knew he was collapsing the walls around his heart and feeling the pain he had blocked for the past week. She also knew that no words could help him right now. He would have to deal with this internally for the moment. She would be there on the outside, his security blanket, the link to the world of sanity.

After almost an hour he pushed his head back so he could look at her. She smiled but didn't get one in return. He wet his lips and then the tears were in his eyes. Kate was a little startled at his show of emotion. She felt honored that he finally decided that he could "break down" in front of her.

"What if I lose him?"

"He's strong. He'll make…"

"You can't promise that. Jacob was strong too, Kate, he…"

"Jethro, this is different," she said softly. She started to run her hand gently through his hair. He closed his eyes again. She didn't know what else to say. It was another hour before Gibbs pushed himself away and sat up. He rubbed his face and looked around. Kate sat up and watched him. She didn't know how to react to him. He looked at the cups sitting on the night stand and grabbed for the half empty cup. He closed his eyes and dumped the cold thick liquid down. He grimaced and then tossed the cup in the garbage can.

"I could have bought you a new one," Kate said with a smile. Gibbs looked at her a moment before a grin broke out on his face. It was good to see him smile. She thought maybe he was going to be ok. He looked around the room and caught himself in the mirror. He winced then got up. He made his way into the bathroom and Kate heard the shower start up. She lay back on the bed and took a deep breath. She may have done it.

She was waiting for him to finish when her phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket. Upon checking the ID screen she saw it was NCIS calling. She frowned not wanting to answer it. The director had told her to be ready to be called back on a moment's notice. Kate didn't want to go back now, she was needed here. Finally she flipped the phone open.

"Todd," she said flatly.

"Wow, Kate, talk about coldness," Tony said cautiously into her ear. The smile spread across her face and she knew it was nothing serious. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sorry, Tony. Why are you calling?"

"McGee was worried about you and Gibbs, he thought we should check to see that everything was ok," he replied. Kate could almost see McGee's mouth dropping when Tony said it was his idea.

"Only McGee?"

"Ok, well Abby and Ducky were too," he said.

"Tony its ok to say you are worried too. But its ok because everything is going ok considering the situation and no need to worry," Kate replied trying to sound cheerful. Tony didn't bite but he also didn't push. His curiosity was killing him though.

"Kate, you'd tell us if something was wrong right?"

"Of course, Tony."

"So nothing is wrong?"

"Tony, when we know more I'm sure Gibbs will let you know," she replied, the tiredness creeping into her voice. She heard the shower shut off. "I've got to go, Tony, we'll let you know later ok?"

"Ok, Kate. Like I said McGee was worried."

"Yes, Tony, you said that. Bye now," she replied and closed her phone. She heard the door open as she slid the phone into her pocket. She turned and smiled as she saw a much more refreshed Gibbs coming out of the bathroom. He had on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He smiled to her.

"I need to talk to Jeb," Gibbs said softly. "You want to come with me?"

"I'll come with you, Jethro. Since you've been…I became part of your family." She said not wanting to mention his sulking. He just smiled at her and nodded. They left the hotel and Gibbs drove them towards Ann's house hoping that everyone was still there.

Ann was shocked to see them both and smiled as she saw the change in Gibbs. He pushed past her asking if Jeb was around. She just nodded and pointed towards the back yard. He went out to the back and Ann turned back to Kate.

"I wasn't sure if I should report you missing or be happy when you didn't tell me what happened last night."

"It just took a while for him to realize he was being a bastard," Kate replied with a smile. Ann smiled back and they both walked to the back yard.

Gibbs come out slowly and found Jeb sitting in a lawn chair watching Hunter play. The boy noticed Gibbs first and slowly came up to his grandfather, weary of the mood he had been in. Gibbs gave him a grin and Hunter grinned back and giggled. He then launched himself up and Gibbs caught him up in a hug. Jeb smiled. Once Hunter was down and playing again Gibbs pulled a chair next to Jeb. There was a little bit of silence between the two of them before Gibbs started to speak.

"Jeb, I…I want to apologize for…"

"Never say you're sorry," Jeb said quietly. That made Gibbs smile. This wasn't going to be as hard as he thought.

"I just didn't know how to deal with…"

"I'm glad Kate came into your life."

"You're not going to let me tell you are you."

"Listen, I know you didn't mean to be a bastard. I know you're a bastard by nature. I also know that you love me, and that you are scared of losing me like you did Jake. It's ok. I understand. Just don't be a bastard anymore, or I'll send Kate after you again."

"All right," Gibbs replied with a smile. He turned his head to see Kate coming out and he watched her. He was lucky he thought.

"Yeah, you are lucky," Jeb said, reading Gibbs' mind. Gibbs laughed out loud and Jeb joined him. They spent the rest of the afternoon together at Ann's house just passing the time. The tension of the situation was still there, but it was buried now as they came together to deal with this as a family.

It was late when Gibbs finally looked at Kate and asked if she wanted to go. She nodded and they said their goodbyes. Hunter was already asleep, so they left quietly for the hotel. When they got back they both dropped heavily into the bed. They were tired, but Gibbs was pretty sure that he would sleep this night.

"Thank you," Gibbs whispered to Kate as she was falling asleep. She smiled lazily and curled into him. He fell asleep thinking that things would be all right.

TBC…………


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer on chapter one.**

**AN: Thanks so much for all the reviews. They mean a lot and keep me writing.

* * *

Chapter Fourteen**

Sunday was a slow day for all. It seemed to creep along and at times they felt the clock was actually moving backwards. Jeb started to feel the anxiety of the doctor visit tomorrow and he could feel the tension and stress from the others. He didn't know how to break it, so he stayed quiet most of the day. Hunter was the exception to the somber mood.

They figured it was he didn't fully understand what was happening, but he did. He just didn't want it to beat them. He wanted them to smile and be ok with it. He just didn't want to sit and be quiet.

Finally the day ended and Monday morning came. Jeb told them he wanted to get the results by himself and he promised to come straight back and let them know the outcome. He drove to Dr. Nash's office and arrived a little early. He was anxious to find out his fate. He was nervous of how he would face up to it. He was scared he was at the end. He took a deep breath and slid into the hard plastic chairs in the waiting area.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, and in reality was only seven minutes, Jeb saw Dr. Nash come out and look around the waiting area. Jeb sat up a little straighter and caught his eye. The look he got in return did not reassure Jeb. He started to feel sick to his stomach. Dr. Nash approached him slowly and stood in front of him a moment.

"Come on back, Jeb. Your results are back." The flatness of the doctor's voice had Jeb convinced, this was going to be bad. He started to second-guess his wanting to come alone. He started to want his family near. He started to tremble as he followed the doctor through the doors.

"Have a seat Jeb."

"It's bad isn't it?" He asked after sitting down on the end of the exam table. He folded his arms defensively across his chest and waited. He felt the tears already forming in his eyes and he swallowed and blinked to keep them at bay. Dr. Nash was almost avoiding his eyes and he knew this was something big.

"The prelim tests we did came back, Jeb, and its what I feared," Dr. Nash began. With each world Jeb felt his world grow smaller and smaller. He felt it grow darker and darker. He felt the control slipping out of his grasp. "Now nothing is definite but the tests prompt me to order a brain scan. I believe there is a serious possibility that you have a tumor in your brain, Jeb."

The words held little meaning at the moment. He was numb. He was in shock. He didn't feel much of anything not even the panic that had threatened to overtake him just moments ago. He stared blankly at the doctor. His mind had halted; there was no activity in his conscious self.

Dr. Nash waited. He was used to this kind of reaction from people, especially one as young as Jeb. He knew eventually it would soak in and he would either take it in stride or break down. Time would tell.

Jeb finally felt the feeling coming back to him. He shook his head slightly in disbelief. He wasn't sure how to react. He didn't know how he felt. He may have a tumor in his head. A mass of tissue that didn't belong could be growing somewhere in his head. He was afraid. He was terrified. He looked up at Dr. Nash.

"When do you want the test?"

"As soon as possible, Jeb. This is serious. I can see if I can get one scheduled for today. Sit tight I'll be right back."

Dr. Nash left the room and Jeb sat silently staring at the wall. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel. Fear. Anger. Resentment. Numb. Weak. All of these were running around in his head. Another eternity passed while Dr. Nash was away and Jeb couldn't help but hide in his head and try to figure out how to deal with the news he had just received.

Finally Dr. Nash came back in the room. He was writing on his clipboard and then scribbled something quickly. He then tore the piece of paper off and handed it to Jeb. Jeb looked at it but nothing registered in his mind. He was still in shock.

"Its an appointment at the hospital to get your head scanned. It's for two o'clock this afternoon. I recommend taking someone with you."

"Yeah. I think I might," Jeb mumbled as he continued to stare at the piece of paper in his hands.

"I talked to a Dr. Cliff Youngblood at the hospital. He is a top neurological surgeon and he has agreed to take you on as a patient, granted they find something on the scan."

"Ok," Jeb said softly. He looked up at Dr. Nash finally with empty eyes and took a deep breath. Then Dr. Nash saw the reality of the situation hit Jeb. The emotion of the trauma slowly made its way though his thinking and he could see the raw fear in the boy's eyes.

"Go home until your appointment. Tell your family. Keep them around you, Jeb; they will be your strength. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't give me the tumor, Doc," Jeb said with a small smile. He then nodded and slid from the exam table. Dr. Nash walked him out and both were silent. Jeb thanked him for the appointment and then left for home. He would have to face the truth now; he would have to tell them what was wrong.

Jeb didn't know what to do. He drove on autopilot back to his mother's house. He hoped everyone was there; he didn't want to have to explain it more than once. He pulled into the driveway and saw the rental car sitting there. He sat in the car a moment collecting what little thoughts he had. He stared at the paper looking to see if it had the answers. It didn't.

Finally he saw Gibbs appear in the doorway. Hesitant. Not knowing if he should come out or wait for Jeb to come in. He stood shifting his weight from foot to foot. No use putting this off any longer, Jeb thought. Now or never. He got out of the car and walked slowly up to the house, his eyes downcast, studying the dirt and cracks of the driveway.

He walked into the house passed Gibbs, still silent. Gibbs stood a moment then closed the door. Jeb looked around and saw Kate, Ann, and Kylie sitting somberly in the living room. He took a deep breath and felt a strong hand come down on his shoulder. He looked up at his father and felt the tears coming. He couldn't speak. He looked at the paper, and then handed it to Gibbs without explanation.

Gibbs took the paper and looked at it. He stared at it for a long time the meaning of the tests registering in his brain. He looked up at Ann and opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He looked at Jeb.

"This…this means…"

"Dr. Nash thinks it may be a brain tumor," Jeb whispered. The air was thick. The room was silent. Such a silence that it hurt Jeb's ears. He wanted someone to scream, to wail, to cough, anything besides the ear piercing silence.

"A brain tumor?" Kylie whispered with tears running down her cheeks.

"No," Ann said sternly and then the tears ran down her cheeks as well. Kate stayed silent she didn't know what to say, or how to comfort anyone. Gibbs pulled Jeb to him and held him tight against him. She could see the boy shaking as he came to grips with his situation. Gibbs had his walls up and remained strong. Kate wasn't sure if that was good or bad, but it seemed to feed Jeb strength. The boy pulled away and wiped his face.

"The test is later today. Dr. Nash suggested I have someone drive me."

"I'll take you," Gibbs said softly. He was staring at the paper again. Jeb nodded. Then he took a deep shaky breath.

"God, how do I tell Hunter?" Jeb said, his voice shaking with the stress. He looked at Kylie, then Ann, then up at Gibbs. Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

"I'll tell him," Gibbs said softly and then he turned and left the house. Kate got up and followed him out the front door. Jeb slid into the seat next to Kylie and pulled her close. Ann scooted on the other side of him and put her arms around both of them.

Kate found Gibbs on the porch still staring at the paper. He was shaking, she would never tell anyone that, but he was shaking. She came up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his back. She felt him lean back into her embrace. They stood for a few minutes neither one talking, just standing in the embrace.

Finally Gibbs turned in her arms and looked down at her. He was still trying to hold the emotions in check, trying to be strong for Jeb. He knew he needed to be the anchor but he wasn't sure if he could. He felt the tug in his heart, the start of panic that he would lose his other son.

"We can get through this," Kate whispered up to him. He just nodded not sure what to say. He sighed and then broke the embrace with Kate. He sat down on the chair on the porch and stared at nothing.

The day crept along slowly and no one was talking. The news had shattered the spirits of everyone. Finally it was time and Jeb climbed into the car with Gibbs. Kate came out after them and slid into the back seat. Gibbs looked at her in the rearview mirror and she just gave him a look. She got no argument from him that she come along. He was actually grateful that she would be there, to help him be strong.

They arrived at the hospital and Jeb explained to the front desk he was to see Dr. Youngblood and let them look at his script for the test. They told him how to get to that part of the hospital and they made the slow journey through the twisting hallways following the blue lines on the floor.

Finally they came to a registration desk and Jeb presented his slip to the charge nurse. She read over it carefully and then pulled out a packet of papers that Jeb had to complete before his test. Jeb sat quietly in the corner chair and filled in all the required information while Kate sat silently beside him. Gibbs was pacing the floor like a caged tiger, making the charge nurse a bit nervous.

Jeb gave the nurse his paperwork and she told him that it would be a few more minutes but she would let the attendant know that he was ready. Jeb nodded and slumped back into a chair. The day was catching him and he was sure this was going to be one of the worst days in his life. He was still thinking about how Hunter would react when he heard his name called. They called him by his given name and both he and Gibbs looked up when the attendant called for Jethro.

Jeb smiled a small smile and then walked with the man through the doors. Jeb and Gibbs had decided, much to the argument of Gibbs, that Jeb go in for the scan alone. Kate had stepped in and asked Gibbs to respect Jeb's wishes. It was the end of the conversation in the car.

Gibbs resumed his pacing while Kate sat quietly in the chair watching him. The nurse was glancing up every few minutes to give a look to Gibbs. He was oblivious, and quite frankly, he didn't care. It seemed like days to Gibbs before Jeb came out with the attendant. They were told that Dr. Youngblood was reviewing the scans and would contact them when he had a diagnosis.

"Not today?" Gibbs asked suddenly.

"No, sir, not right now. It will take him time to read the scans…"

"You mean we don't even get to meet him today?" Gibbs said the anger flaring in his voice. Kate reached out and touched his arm and silenced him for the moment. The anger remained in his eyes. Jeb looked on with empty eyes from the side.

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't know when you'll get to meet him," the attendant said cautiously.

"Don't call me sir," Gibbs snapped then at Kate's urging turned and followed Jeb and Kate out of the hospital. By the time they got back to the house Hunter was home from school. Jeb sat in the car and stared at nothing. Kate was worried about him, but she saw Gibbs getting out and went to join him. Jeb stayed in the car.

Gibbs went in and found Hunter sitting in front of the TV, not really watching it. He was worried about everyone and Gibbs could tell. When he saw Gibbs and Kate he jumped up and gave the usual round of hugs to both of them. Gibbs then pulled him into his lap on the couch and stared at the boy.

"It's ok, Papa, you can tell me," Hunter said reaching up and wrapping his arms around Gibbs' neck. Tears came to Gibbs eyes and he swallowed hard to push them back. When Hunter came away from his neck and sat down again Gibbs was ready.

"Buddy, its about your uncle Jeb."

"He's sick," Hunter said softly.

"Yes, and the doctor thinks he knows what is wrong."

"What?"

"They think he has a tumor in his brain."

"Is he going to die?" Hunter whispered, the tears coming to his eyes.

"I don't know, Buddy, they are still trying to find it in his brain."

"I don't want him to die, Papa," Hunter said with tears falling from his eyes. Gibbs couldn't hold back anymore and the tears fell from his eyes too. He pulled Hunter tightly to his chest and held on. Kate was crying too as she laid a gentle hand on Gibbs shoulder. They sat for a while as Hunter cried into Gibbs' chest.

TBC...

* * *

**A/N: All right so there you go finally you get to know the diagnosis is! My compliments go out to Depressed Hermione Malfoy for being the first to figure it out (or at least the bravest for venturing a guess!). More to come soon :-) I know pretty good tear jerker at the end here. dark rolling sea**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer on first chapter.  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys. Really they mean a lot. Here is Chapter fifteen I hope you enjoy. And another strong language warning for this chapter. dark rolling sea****

* * *

Chapter Fifteen **

Jeb had told his brother and sister when they both got home. Kayden had taken the news quietly and then excused himself. He locked himself in his room for the rest of the night. Jasmine had cried and hugged her brother tight. She then sat by herself lost in thought.

Gibbs and Kate stayed at Ann's that night. Hunter fell asleep in Gibbs arms, tightly holding on. Gibbs didn't let him go. Kate watched from the side as the two grieved together. Finally Gibbs fell asleep too and Kat got up. She looked around and saw the Ann was out on the porch. She didn't know where Jeb and Kylie had gone. She went out the door quietly and sat down. Ann looked over at her. Her eyes were rimmed with red, bloodshot, and tired. Kate looked down.

"I'm losing one of my boys," Ann said softly to no one in particular. Kate could hear the frustration and anger in her words. She didn't know how to react. She didn't know what to say. She stayed silent. Ann stared off into the dark night.

They sat quietly for a while. The night was creeping into the morning. The house was silent, everyone dealing in their own way. Soon they would find out just how bad this was going to be. Soon they would hear the worst of the trauma.

Ann stayed out on the porch but Kate eventually went back in the house. Gibbs still had Hunter curled in his arms, both asleep in the chair. She stretched out on the couch and watched them for a while. Eventually sleep overtook her and she slipped into a fitful rest.

Kate woke to a gentle hand shaking her shoulder. She blinked slowly and lifted her head to see Gibbs sitting on the edge of the couch looking down at her. She sat up slowly and looked around, finally getting her bearings and remembering where she was.

He didn't say anything just stared at her and she could tell he was bothered by something. She looked around and didn't see anyone else. She came back to his face and studied his eyes. They were liquid. They were turmoil. They were fear.

"You ok?" Kate asked calmly. She felt stupid asking that question. It was such a ridiculous question. Of course he wasn't ok. His son had a brain tumor. She looked down a moment to hide the embarrassment of her question before looking up at him. She didn't really expect and answer. He was silent for a while. His eyes had lost focus as his brain rambled on. She waited patiently.

"No," he said softly, his eyes flashing on confusion before going blank again. His hand rested gently on her thigh and she draped her hand over his. He turned his so that it was palm up and entwined his fingers with hers. "What am I supposed to do, Kate?"

"I don't know, Jethro. You just have to be there for Jeb…and Hunter," Kate said after taking a moment to think about his question. He just nodded slowly and sunk deeper into the couch. They sat for a while in silence. Then they heard the door open and Gibbs looked up to see Jeb coming in looking dejected.

It was then that the phone started to ring. The entire household held a collective breath. Jeb walked slowly over to the receiver and pulled it up towards him. He finally put it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Yes, could I speak to Mr. Jethro McPherson?"

"You got him."

"Ah, Mr. McPherson, my name is Dr. Youngblood. I've read over your scans from earlier today and would like to set an appointment with you to discuss my findings."

"Can't we do that over the phone right now?"

"I'd really rather talk face to face. Would tomorrow morning be a good time, ten o'clock?"

"Tomorrow, why can't we do this today?"

"I am sorry, but I have other appointments today, plus I'm due in surgery in two hours. Tomorrow morning really would be the best time for me to meet with you."

"Fine. Yeah, tomorrow at ten. Right."

"I'm sorry you have to wait."

"Right, tomorrow, bye, Dr."

"Goodbye, Mr. McPherson."

The line was dead when Jeb dropped the receiver back into the cradle. He looked up at everyone else staring at him and felt weighted down. He closed his eyes and took a breath. Another damned day of waiting.

"Fuck. Fucking shithole," Jeb muttered as he let out his deep breath. He then looked up at everyone else who were looking at him expectantly. He sighed and then started to fidget with the belt loop of his pants.

"So?" Gibbs asked his eyebrows raised in question.

"Tomorrow morning," Jeb replied and turned away from them. The pressure and strain was hitting him full force. He needed air and the room was getting congested. He went out on the porch and let everyone standing behind him.

"Guess tomorrow morning then," Ann said and sank heavily into the chair. Gibbs nodded and then sat down on the edge of the couch. Kate remained where she was. The room felt super charged, full of static and the air had a thickness to it that made it hard to breath. Kylie sat at the kitchen table fiddling with the table cloth. The whole house was somber as if someone had already died. The waiting period for this was an eternity and it seemed that when they thought they'd come to the end of the waiting, someone else stepped in and said, _wait a minute you haven't suffered enough, how 'bout a little longer._

Jeb felt overwhelmed. He was tired of waiting. But what else could he do. Wait. It was his only option. He couldn't just storm down there and demand to be told. No doctors had their rules and people were meant to follow them, even if the doctor didn't have to feel the anxiety that the patient had to sit through. Anxiety that made seconds seem like hours, hours feel like days, and days feel like eternity. No he would wait, and suffer. Maybe it would make him stronger in the end, more apt to deal with the difficulty of treatment. If you survived that waiting period, then you sure as hell could survive the treatment period, or so he told himself. He didn't know what to do anymore. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed. It was picked up almost immediately.

"You find out yet?" R. J. asked.

"Tomorrow morning. Damn doctor won't go into detail on the phone and he said he was busy."

"It's ok, Jeb, you've made it this far, you'll make it through."

"I hope so, because this waiting is enough to kill me, never mind whatever may be growing in my skull."

"Yeah, I know this sounds retarded, but try to relax buddy. You can't blow a gasket now; you only got a couple more hours to wait out."

"Funny, blow a gasket. I think I already did, R. J."

"Come on don't lost spirit on me now. Suck it up marine, you know the deal, first in last out, everyone comes home, right?"

"Right, even if it's in a pretty box, R. J."

"Don't you even start talking like that. I'll come out there personally and kick the shit out of you."

"Hey, I know. Sorry. Just sometimes everything piles up and the weight just hits you. Then the fan kicks on and scatters everything in every direction and you can't find your way out of the dark."

"Ok, you're babbling now. Listen. Hang in there and things will come around. Lean on your family bud, sounds like you got things straightened out."

"Yeah everyone is being supportive now."

"Good. Don't worry, things will work out."

"Maybe. Thanks for being there, R. J."

"Hey, wouldn't have it any other way. What are brothers for?"

"You've said that before and I've always replied…"

"I know, you miss him. I know. And if I could, Jeb, I'd bring him back for you. I know how hard losing him was on you, but remember you can't go out on Hunter."

"Yeah, I…I can't let him go through that."

"Ok. Worry about one thing first though, Jeb, your health. Go in strong and come out even stronger."

"Thanks again, R. J."

"Hey, I'm always here."

"I know," Jeb said and then ended the call. He would wait. He would wait for the news, whether it be good or bad, he would wait. He would endure the torture and the stress, and he would prevail. He would make it to ten tomorrow morning.

TBC…………..


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
A/N: Well well, another chapter churned out. Hope you enjoy. dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Sixteen**

Kate and Gibbs went back to the hotel that afternoon. Kate looked around the room nervously. She was fidgeting with the bedspread while standing next to the bed. Her eyes were downcast. Gibbs sat down on the other side of the bed and looked up at her.

"What?" he asked cautiously.

"My week is up. I…"

"I'll talk to the Director. I'll get you more time."

"No, I can talk to him. I'm just afraid they're going to call me back now. He said to be ready, that he couldn't guarantee…"

"Kate, I'll work it out."

Kate forced a smile then looked down. She didn't know if she could leave now. If the director told her no she didn't know what she would do or how she would react. All she knew is that she was needed here, by Gibbs' side. They had come so far in the week that she couldn't just abandon the family at the critical time of need. She decided to put off the call for a now.

"No, I'll call him later today. I'm supposed to be back tomorrow."

Gibbs smiled up. He felt exhausted. The night in the chair with Hunter had done a number on his back. He stretched a little to ease the pain but it didn't help all that much. He felt his eyes get heavy. He felt the bed dip next to him and he rolled over to see Kate lying done next to him. He sighed and rolled onto his back again, putting his hands behind his head. Slowly he felt himself sinking into sleep. Then he felt Kate slide gently in next to him and lay her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him. Kate soon followed.

Gibbs woke to a quiet noise in the room. He glanced at Kate and saw she was still asleep. He checked the clock and saw they had been out for a couple hours. The noise continued and he realized it was a cell phone ringing. He reached in his pocket and slid his out. Nope not him. He looked over Kate to see where her phone was then he saw it sitting in the chair. He carefully slid from underneath her, not wanting to wake her and made his way quietly to the phone and then out of the room. He flipped it open and cringed when NCIS came up on the screen.

"Gibbs," he said calmly.

"Oh, Jethro, I was expecting Agent Todd."

"You got the right phone, Director. She's asleep."

"I was calling to tell her I can't extend her vacation time. We're swamped here and I need her back on the team. Your team has been sitting in office catching up on paperwork while I send out every other team waiting for you two to get back. I know I can't ask you to come back but she even agreed that it would be necessary at some point."

"Director, you can't order her back," Gibbs said. The desperation in his voice cut into his head like a knife. He knew now how much he needed her next to him. He closed his eyes and felt that this could be the unraveling point. This could be his undoing. They were taking his rock away. His anchor was being pulled back. The buoying was being taken away.

"Jethro, I realize you are going through a terrible ordeal. But I need Agent Todd here. I need a team that can go into the field and two agents are just not enough. Three I can send out but two I can't understand?"

"No," Gibbs' said flatly.

"Agent Gibbs, this is not a debate. I will recall Agent Todd to active duty. She is to return to Washington DC on a flight booked for her for this afternoon and she will report for work tomorrow or she will not have a job to come back to."

"And if I don't tell her?"

"Agent Gibbs, do you really think this is the only way I can communicate with Agent Todd?"

"No, sir."

Gibbs felt defeated. He felt lost. He felt sick. He felt like crying. He doesn't cry. The director went on to tell him more but he wasn't listening anymore. He was thinking about how much he needed Kate. He was thinking that he couldn't lay the guilt of choosing between her job and him. How could he make her do that when he wasn't sure what he would choose? That thought scared him even more.

Finally he hung up with the director and went back into the room. Kate sat up slowly as the door clicked shut and blinked at him. He tossed her phone back into the chair and went to the balcony doors. Kate was confused by his changed manor. He looked like hell. She sat up slowly.

"What's wrong?" she asked hesitantly. She wasn't sure what was going on but it seemed that something had happened since they fell asleep. Her guess was that a phone call had deflated Gibbs. She then had a thought. She glanced at the chair and then felt her pockets. She looked at his back and waited for a response, but she didn't get one. She got up from the bed and walked to the phone he had tossed down. Upon flipping it open she realized it was her phone not his. She quickly checked the last incoming call and noticed NCIS. Her breath caught and she felt tears come to her eyes. "The Director called," she said softly.

Gibbs just nodded. Kate felt crushed. She knew she had to go back, especially from Gibbs reaction. They needed her at NCIS. The team would be going back into action and they couldn't with two agents out. Kate stared at the phone for a long time, neither one said anything.

She couldn't make up her mind. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to leave but she didn't want to lose her job either. She walked up to Gibbs with tears in her eyes. She wet her lips and went to speak but nothing came out. She closed her mouth, then her eyes, and tried to refocus her brain. It was still a little scattered from sleep and the news.

"Jethro, what all did he say?"

"You are to leave this afternoon. He already booked a flight for you. You…"

"I can stay. I can refuse…"

"No, Kate, you…can't. Don't risk your career for me," Gibbs said softly as he turned to face her. The words hit Kate like a smack. How could he send her away at a time like this? She thought they were past this. She went to argue with him but the look that flashed across his eyes said not to argue with him. "You should go say goodbye to Jeb and Hunter."

"Jethro, how can you say this?"

"Please, Kate, don't risk your career for me, please." He hated the way he sounded. He knew she could hear the desperation in his voice, the pain that was giving away his true feelings. He looked into her eyes and saw the anger flash across and it hurt him. He looked away.

"Fine, you don't want me here? Fine. I'll catch that flight this afternoon and you can…" Kate didn't finish the tears tripped up her words and her throat had closed. She turned and left the hotel without him. Gibbs stayed in his room and let the tears flow. He didn't know what to do but he knew she couldn't risk her career for him.

Kate made her way to Ann's house and found Jeb and Hunter. Jeb knew right away something was wrong. He gave her a questioning look and Kate cleared her head. She would say her goodbyes and then make the flight to Washington that the director had booked for her.

"Jeb, I have to go back to Washington. I…the director won't give me any additional leave time. I'll keep in touch I promise," Kate said with a quiver to her voice. Jeb nodded and swallowed.

"Ok. I…thanks for coming out here, Kate," he replied.

She leaned in and hugged him tightly. She let him go and turned to Hunter. He was sitting on his knees on the couch backwards leaning heavily into the back couch cushion. He looked up at Kate with sad eyes.

"You're leaving, Kate," he asked softly. She could tell he was trying not to cry. Kate just nodded to him. He looked down at the floor for a moment then looked back at Kate. "Will you be coming back soon?"

"I don't know, Buddy," she replied.

He just nodded and swung himself around on the couch. Kate felt her heart grow heavy. She knew this was going to be the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She didn't know what else to do. Gibbs had expressed that she not risk her career for him. From his reaction she thought he had made it clear that he wanted her back in Washington. She didn't understand but she would go.

She made her flight and was in Washington by ten o'clock local time. She went to the house and immediately felt depressed. The emptiness of the house was like a black hole. She felt small and overwhelmed with the silent drowning of the house. She thought about going down to the basement to see the boat, but decided against it.

She would go to bed and try to sleep before going to work in the morning. She lay awake most of the night. Her brain was too wound up to sleep. She felt like she was betraying Jeb and Hunter and she was angry at Gibbs for not wanting her to stay.

_California_

Gibbs was awake that night. He couldn't sleep. His mind was racing with all sorts of terrible scenarios, the worst case being Jeb dying and Kate leaving him. Here he was again driving her away. He couldn't bring himself to ask her to risk her career. He couldn't bring himself to tell her how much he needed her.

He stared at the ceiling with fixed eyes. There wasn't anything else he could do. He didn't know what would come tomorrow with the news. He didn't know how long they were going to be in this predicament. How long would treatment last? Would he be able to be there for the entire duration?

He didn't know what to think anymore. He was lost and it was a new feeling for him. How could he lose control like this? How could he feel so useless? He rolled onto his side and stared out the balcony doors. Sleep would not come for him this night and he didn't even have his boat to work on.

Jeb was watching Kylie sleep. She was having a dream he could tell. Her eyes were rolling around and her muscles would spasm once in a while. He rubbed her back and held her close trying to comfort her in her sleep. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about the appointment tomorrow. His fate was set for ten o'clock in the morning.

TBC……

* * *

**A/N: ok so its ok with me to be mad at me :-) but I did warn everyone in the summury that it would be a rough ride. later...dark rolling sea.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
A/N: Here be chapter seventeen. hope you enjoy. dark rolling sea

* * *

Chapter Seventeen**

_Washington DC_

Kate arrived at NCIS the next morning tired, angry, and depressed. A lethal combination. Even though she was up she still arrived a few minutes late. As she walked into the bullpen she caught Tony's beaming smile.

"Good morning, Kate! Good to have…" Tony said all too cheerful. The look that Kate gave him silenced him in mid sentence. He sunk into his chair and looked at McGee. McGee shrugged and tried to become invisible. Kate sat at her desk and stared at nothing. She didn't feel like working. She didn't want to be there.

As the day progressed Kate was constantly watching the clock. Jeb's appointment was at ten o'clock California time, which made it one o'clock on the east coast. They snagged a case and had to go into the field. She went through the crime scene on auto pilot and Tony became worried. He made sure to double check, without her knowledge of course, everything she tagged and logged.

Kate was continually checking her watch. Tony watched her from a distance and tried to keep and eye on her. He didn't know what was wrong but something was definitely not right. He walked over to McGee and pulled him aside.

"Hey, something is up with Kate," Tony said quietly.

"No, you think?" McGee said.

"Not the time, McGee, I'm serious, something is seriously wrong."

"Maybe it has something to do with Gibbs going to California and her coming home."

"Gee, McGee, you'd think you were an investigator or something."

"Ok, ok, Tony. Maybe you should talk to her," McGee said with a shoulder shrug.

"Maybe or maybe I should have Abby talk to her," Tony replied with a smile. McGee nodded and then went back to working. They were back at the bullpen by twelve thirty and Kate immediately announced she was taking her lunch. Tony and McGee just nodded and watched her walk out.

Tony decided it was a good time to go see Abby and Ducky about Kate. He rode the elevator down and stopped off first in Abby's lab. He found her looking over the evidence they had just brought back.

"Hey, Tony, what's happening?" Abby asked with a grin.

"Well, Abbs, I'm worried about Kate."

"How come?"

"She is seriously in a bad mood today."

"What'd you do?" Abby asked in an accusatory voice.

"Hey! I didn't do anything she came in that way this morning."

"Oh. It probably has something to do with Gibbs vacation. You know he took indefinite leave?"

"Yeah I heard. You think something is wrong in California?"

"Gee, Tony, Gibbs takes indefinite leave, Kate goes out for a week and is called back to mandatory duty and is all pissy, yeah I'd say something is wrong."

"Maybe Ducky knows."

"Let's go see. Where's Kate now?"

"She took lunch."

They walked to the morgue and found Ducky. He was just cleaning up after an autopsy. Abby stood back and let Tony approach him. They filled Ducky in on their concerns for Kate and everything they knew. They then asked him if he knew anything about it.

"No, I can't say that I do. Jethro didn't tell me anything except he was going on vacation. Now I hear he has indefinite leave. And you say Caitlin is in a fowl mood and was forced to return?"

"Yeah," Tony said.

"My, my. It can't be good then. Maybe I'll try calling Jethro then."

"Thanks, Ducky," Abby said.

"Hey, Abbs, why don't you talk to Kate when she gets back from lunch, maybe she'll shed some light."

"Ok, Tony, I'll try, but no guarantees after you described her mood."

Ducky attempted to call Gibbs a couple times and only got his voicemail and eventually gave up. Tony went back up to the bullpen to help McGee on the case while Abby made her way to the lab to wait for Kate to return.

Kate sat in the park alternating between staring at nothing and staring at her watch. The time seemed to be moving backwards as she waited for the time to pass. She would call Gibbs at one thirty to see if they knew anything yet.

_California_

Jeb didn't get any sleep. He was tired and irritable that day. The time couldn't pass fast enough for him as he waited for his appointment. It was finally time to go. He asked Kylie to come with him and received a nasty look when he told Gibbs to wait at the house. Jeb just sighed and walked away without another comment. Kylie and Jeb rode in silence. They finally arrived and found Dr. Youngblood's office.

He greeted them warmly in the hall and led them into the inner room. He sat them down and asked if they wanted anything. Jeb was getting a little annoyed. He told the doctor to just get on with the news and save the pleasantries for someone else.

"Fine, I can understand that. Now, Mr. McPherson," the doctor began.

"Don't call me that please."

"Ok, Jethro is better?"

"No, call me Jeb, everyone else does."

"Ok, Jeb you can call me Cliff if you like. We have bad news but some good news mixed in with it. "

"How so?"

"I'll tell you straight, Jeb, you have brain tumor. But from the first tests and the scans it looks like a grade I or II tumor."

"Ok, Doc, that means nothing to me."

"Ok, I understand that. I want to run one more test…"

"Christ, Doc, how many more damned tests you plan on running?" Jeb said angrily. The doctor gave him an apologetic look and Jeb looked away.

"I'm sorry; it's just something that can't be avoided."

"We understand," Kylie said cutting Jeb off, "run the test if it will help."

"From the position of the tumor on the scan I'd say it was a Pilocytic Astrocytoma."

"A what?" Jeb blurted out.

"Sorry, yes a Pilocytic Astrocytoma. It's a tumor that affects mostly children and young adults. It is a build up of bipolar cells and Rosenthal fibers in the brain, also mixed with loose-textured multipolar cells with microcysts and granular bodies."

"That makes no sense, Doc," Jeb said evenly.

"It basically is a cyst in your brain. It's attached just behind your optical nerve which is what was causing the vision problems you were experiencing. It was causing large amounts of blood to flood through the tumor disrupting the optical nerve's functional ability. As I said we believe the tumor to be a grade I or II tumor."

"What does that mean?" Kylie asked.

"Tumor's are graded on a scale of one to five. One being a minor and five being a severe. The lower the grade the better option for treatment. In your case we believe that we may be able to take care of the problem with just surgery and not have to use radiation therapy or chemotherapy. Basically I go in and cut out the tumor and then we monitor it to make sure it doesn't return."

"What's the risks?" Jeb asked.

"With any surgery there is risk. Especially brain surgery. I can't tell you that it's going to be easy. It's going to be a difficult journey. Anytime we open up the brain there is chance of infection, or other problems caused by the surgery. The brain controls your bodily functions and if an area is damaged either by the tumor or the removal process it could leave permanent effects. There is also the chance of death. But like I said it comes with any surgery."

Jeb was silent as he let the words soak in. This was a lot to take in. Kylie slid her hand into his and he looked up at her. She gave him a smile and he took a deep breath.

"Can we do the surgery without this extra test?" Jeb asked.

"Yes."

"Then I don't want anymore tests. Unless absolutely necessary."

"Ok, that is fine with me. Now, I can refer you to a support group if you like. It often helps to talk with others that are either going through the same thing or that have come through something like this."

"Sorry, Doc, I got my own support group," Jeb said with a smile. The doctor only nodded.

"Ok. We'll need to get you in for pre surgery tests and a physical to make sure you're able to be put under the anesthesia. I will also need a complete medical history of yourself and your family," the doctor said as he handed Jeb a thick folder full of papers. Jeb opened it and began leafing through the pages.

"Can I bring this stuff back later?"

"Yes, that is fine. I don't expect you to stay here all day and work on it. I'm sure you have family to tell."

"Yes. You have no idea, Doc," Jeb said with a small smile.

"I hope I have been clear today, I know I've used a lot of medical terms. If you have any questions you can contact me day or night. If I'm not here at this number you can reach me through my service. They will always know how to either get you in contact with me or get a message to me to call you," Dr. Youngblood said scribbling down two numbers for Jeb. Jeb nodded and took the numbers shoving them down in his pocket. He then stood and shook the doctor's hand and picked up the folder of paperwork. Kylie joined him as they turned to leave.

"After you have the paperwork filled out call here and we'll set up the secondary meeting. At that point we can get you started on the physical and pre surgery tests and get this ball moving. The faster we can get this taken care of the better."

"I agree, Doc," Jeb said and then he and Kylie walked out. They walked to the car in silence. Jeb got in behind the wheel but didn't start it. He leaned his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes. Kylie reached over and stroked his head.

"It's going to be ok, Jeb," Kylie said softly. He just sighed. This was all too much for him. There was a mass of evil growing behind his optical nerve. It was trying to kill him. Well he would show it just how tough he was. He would kill it first. He started the car and made the drive back to Ann's house where they were waiting for him. He would have to say this more than once. He would have to let everyone know. He was not looking forward to that.

TBC……….

* * *

**AN: Thanks again for the reviews! They help the story grow ;-)...and just to let you know...don't have a clue how big this one will get. It's taken on a life of it's own. So sit back and enjoy the ride.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: Whoo hoo chapter eighteen so quickly. Thanks for the reviews guys, I'm glad your enjoying this story because I'm enjoying writing it. dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen**

_Washington_

Kate sat on the bench with a knotted up stomach. Her hands were shaking. You would have thought she was waiting on news about her own brain. She couldn't wait any longer. She pulled out her personal cell and dialed Gibbs. It rang and rang. His voicemail picked up. Damn it she thought. She redialed, and then again. Finally someone picked up.

"Kate, he's been ignoring his phone, but I saw you on caller ID," Ann said softly. Kate wondered if Gibbs even knew she was checking his caller ID.

"I...I was just wondering if there was news yet?"

"No. Jeb and Kylie haven't come…oh, they just got back. Hold on and I'll relay what Jeb says," Ann replied.

_California_

Jeb got out of the car and slowly made his way to the house. He saw Gibbs sitting on the porch looking empty, he saw his mother on the phone standing in the doorway, and he wondered why they were to be punished so much. He stopped on the bottom step and leaned against the rail and stared wet eyed up at them. Kylie lightly put a hand on his back and offered support.

"You going to stay on the phone for this, Mom?" Jeb asked with a hoarse voice.

"It's Kate, Jeb, she…" Ann didn't finish. From the way Gibbs' head rocked around and the look that come over his face Jeb guessed he hadn't know she was on the phone. "Wants to know."

Jeb nodded. It would be easier than having to call her himself he thought. He stayed at the bottom of the steps, as if the distance between him and his parents would make this easier. He then swallowed and plunged in.

"That doctor spewed a crap load of medical jargon at us. He said I had a Pylon Cy-tic Astronaut Toma thing in my head," Jeb said. Kylie couldn't help but smile at Jeb's attempt at humor. She nudged him and he looked at her over his shoulder.

"That's not what he called it. He said a Py-lo-cy-tic Astro-cy-toma," Kylie corrected gently. Gibbs' demeanor didn't change. He didn't know what it meant. Ann relayed what both said over the phone to Kate who did break a small smile at Jeb's pronunciation of the words.

"Look, the doc said it's a minor probably grade one or two tumor. And before you yell about not knowing anything, Gibbs, a grade one or two tumor can usually be cured by surgery without radiation or chemo. So I should be ok after I have an operation…"

"On your brain?" Gibbs asked incredulously.

"There are no guarantees, Gibbs, Ok? I know that. The doctor made sure to mention it. Numerous times. But it's the best option to get rid of the fucking thing ok?" Jeb said his anger boiling to the top. He glared at Gibbs with everything that was pent up inside him. He felt Kylie's hand close gently over his shoulder and his gaze immediately dropped to the ground. Ann was giving Kate play by play of what was happening.

"Jeb, Kate wants to speak to you," Ann said holding out the phone.

"Shouldn't she be at work?" Gibbs asked harshly, his anger at the situation lashing out. Everyone seemed to ignore his comment. Jeb took the phone from Ann and put it to his head.

"Yeah?"

"You ignore the bear. His may have a growl but there are no teeth behind the bite."

"Thanks, Kate, I know. He's just acting like a…"

"Don't finish that because I know he's sitting right there."

"Thanks again, Kate. But you should get back to work."

"Hang in there, Jeb. Bye."

Jeb ended the call and tossed the phone back to his mother. She closed it and slid Gibbs' phone into her pocket. He glared again. Jeb shifted his weight from foot to foot. It was out there. It was said. He heard Gibbs stand up so he looked up. The look on his face was different know. Jeb slowly walked up the steps keeping eye contact with his father.

Gibbs stood rock still. Jeb could see the emotion in his eyes as he fought the feelings swelling inside him. He came up in front of Gibbs and stopped. He locked eyes with him for a moment. He then felt compelled to say something.

"It's ok to be angry, it's ok to feel hurt, it's ok to be confused. You don't have to be the foundation, the anchor, and the rock all in one. It's ok to be scared. It's me that has the tumor. But I'll tell you what it ain't going to kill me. That little fucker is going to get the fight of its life, and then he's going to be dead."

"Don't say that word," Gibbs said with little behind it. Jeb smiled after the comment but nodded.

"Only when referring to the mass growing behind my optical nerve, deal?" This time Gibbs managed a smile. He reached out and put a hand on Jeb's shoulder, a firm but gentle grip.

"Deal," Gibbs agreed.

_Washington_

Kate hung up her cell phone and left the park. So it was a brain tumor. And Gibbs was _grumpy_ again. She sighed. She would have to go back to NCIS and finish the day. She didn't want to. She wanted to get on a plane and go back to California. But Gibbs had made it clear he didn't want here there is she was to lose her job over it. She felt like crying, but she would be strong.

She got back to the bull pen and found everyone acting a little strange. McGee was smiling a sympathetic smile a lot and ducking her. Tony was sitting quietly at his desk without making any comments. Kate sat down and immediately lost her self in thoughts. She didn't know how long she had sat there before she was startled.

"Umm, Kate?" Abby asked quietly, her left hand tugging insistently at the right cuff of her shirt. Kate jumped slightly and then took a deep breath and looked up at Abby. She forced a smile. "Oh, sorry. I…I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's ok, Abbs. What's up?"

"Well can you come down to the lab with me?"

"Abby, what is gong on? McGee is steering clear of me, Tony is being quiet, and now you want me to go to the lab. Next thing I'm going to hear is that Ducky is quiet in the morgue," Kate said a little upset. Abby cringed and shied away from her. Kate just watched.

"So is that a no?"

"WHAT IS GOING ON!" Kate said a little louder than she should have. The entire place stopped for a moment and stared before continuing. Abby sank further away from her and closer to Tony's desk. Abby glanced quickly at Tony and pleaded for help. Tony shook his head and dropped his gaze to his desk. Abby looked over at McGee but she couldn't even see him because he was hiding behind his computer monitor.

"Little help, guys?" Abby asked turning towards Tony then McGee.

"All right, enough. I…" Kate began and then she started to review her attitude from the moment she arrived this morning. She realized that she really shouldn't take it out on them. It was the director that she was pissed at…and Gibbs. But Gibbs was in California and she was here. The director on the other hand was upstairs. She glanced to the upper level and pursed her lips together. The others just watched.

"Kate, we're worried is all," Abby said gently and nudged Tony. Tony sat up straighter and looked at McGee. McGee just shrugged and ducked his head again. "You and Gibbs both go out to California, separately at that, and then he takes indefinite leave and you came back pissed and well no one will say anything to us," Abby said picking up steam as she went. She was starting to get angry that everyone was hiding stuff from her and she was getting fed up. It was then that they heard the elevator ding and the all looked over to see Ducky coming towards them.

"I see the talking to Caitlin idea did not go over as planned?" Ducky asked with a chuckle. Tony just smiled weakly and sunk deeper into his chair. Abby gave Ducky a pleading look and McGee stood up to watch.

"Ok," Kate said softly. "I guess it really isn't fair to keep you guys in the dark. I just didn't feel it was my place to tell you. And besides we didn't have all the information until now."

"What's going on, Kate?" Abby asked. Kate looked up to see four sets of eyes on her expectantly. She looked around at the crowded area and felt subconscious about speaking with everyone so close.

"Uh, how about we move this to the lab or the morgue," Kate said softly. They all agreed and the party moved down to Abby's lab. The deciding factor was that there were more comfortable chairs in the lab. The four sat quietly and waited for Kate to begin.

"Ok, when Gibbs went to California he learned that his son was sick. Jeb had an attack and they ended up taking him to the doctor."

"Attack?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. He went out running and well he collapsed and had all kinds of problems and they went looking for him and found him passed out. So anyway they took him to the doctor. That's when I went out to California to be with them. We waited another week after the doctor visit to hear the results of the tests. It was a rough week for all parties involved. Anyway, it came back that Jeb needed a scan because the doctor thought that something was wrong."

"Good lord, Caitlin, what is wrong with young Jeb?" Ducky said softly.

"He got the results of the scan today. He has a brain tumor and he needs surgery," Kate replied her voice cracking and tears streaming down her face. Abby walked over to her and wrapped an arm around her gently. She leaned into her and cried.

"Gibbs' son has a brain tumor?" Tony asked shocked. He didn't know what to think. He was a little hurt that no one had shared the news with them before now.

"Yes. I think they said a Pylotic Astrocymosis or something. I don't remember but Ann told me over the phone while I was on lunch."

"Ahh, a pilocytic astrocytoma. A cyst on the brain basically. Do you know which grade?" Ducky said confidently.

"One or two I think he said."

"Well that is good news. They can do surgery and most likely not need anything more than that to cure the problem," Ducky said thoughtfully.

They sat in the lab in silence after that comforting Kate. No one wanted to ask why she had come back. They all knew the director had ordered her back. Her actions this morning made perfect sense to Tony now.

_California_

When Jeb's siblings came home from school Jeb explained everything again to them. They were both numb to the news now that so much had already been dealt. Kayden looked at his brother thoughtfully, searching the side of his head with his eyes.

"Kade, what are you doing?" Jeb asked cautiously.

"Got any room to grow it bigger in there?" he asked with a lopsided grin. Jeb smiled at that. Jasmine looked at Kade curiously. "Cause, I think it would look fantastic on Mom's mantle."

His comment got a giggle out of Jasmine and made Jeb smile. Kayden returned the smiled and reached over and punched his brother lightly in the arm. Jeb nodded.

"Thanks, little brother," Jeb said softly and then got up. He went through it all again when Hunter came home and he comforted the six year old as he cried in his lap. Gibbs took over and Hunter clung to Gibbs with a death grip until he cried himself to sleep. The strong front he had put up in the beginning was too hard to maintain and they all knew they would have to try to keep the attitude positive for his sake. Gibbs was gloomy. He was depressed. He missed Kate. He thought about calling her more than once but decided against it. He didn't want her to risk her career.

He knew she would come out. All he had to do was call. All he had to do was say he missed her, that he needed her. But he couldn't. He couldn't really tell her he needed her because he hadn't fully admitted to himself that he did.

Jeb called R. J. and filled him in on the doctor's news and the treatment option they were going to pursue. He told him how scared he was. He also told him he was going to beat this. When R. J. asked about his family support he told him how everyone was being supported even Kate after having to go back to Washington. R. J. could hear the stress in Jeb's voice as they talked about Kate leaving and how it affected him, and more importantly his father. In the end R. J. was even more worried about his friend. Jeb reassured him it would be ok and told him he had to go. He had to fill in the mountain of medical paperwork so the doctor could cut his head open.

Jeb sat at the table with his mother and started to fill in the papers asking about his medical history and his past health. Ann went to work on the family history pages and finally had Gibbs sit down so they could fill in his side too. Hunter had crashed on the couch by then and Gibbs finally felt he could leave the boy. It was a quiet night in California as they worked on getting the first step of Jeb's recovery done.

_Washington_

Kate left NCIS feeling a little better after sharing the news with the team. They had all promised to keep the fact that they knew from Gibbs until she could tell him she had told them. They all told her to go home and get some sleep, but she spent another sleepless night thinking about her life. She was trying to prioritize her life and what came first in it. Her thoughts kept returning to Gibbs in California and the family out there. It was foremost in her thoughts; it was the number one thing in her heart.

TBC……


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer on first chapter.  
AN: All right guys...long chapter here. Did it a little differently than past chapters. Its a big Kate chapter...also some twists wink. Thanks to all that reviewed and told me how much they love this story. I'm glad I've been able to reach out...dark rolling sea...oh yeah Neviwyn go ahead and breathe again...for a little while anyway...on to the story!

* * *

Chapter Nineteen**

_Washington _

Kate went into NCIS for the second day. She was still irritable and tired. She hadn't slept in two days. She tried desperately not to take her frustrations out on the team, but they all understood now when she would snap at them. They tried their best to console her. She felt coddled. She didn't let them know that. Her mind was on California and all the reasons she should be out there.

She had an internal debate over the reasons to go and the reasons to stay. The biggest reason to stay was she LOVED her job. She loved being with the team and working the cases. Besides Gibbs had made it clear to her he didn't want her to ruin her career for him. How would he react now if she did do just that?

She was lost that day as she struggled to help with the case. Her mind was never with the team and it could cause some serious problems. Tony and McGee noticed right away and worked together to make sure nothing went wrong. They shared looks all throughout the morning wondering if they should say something, either to Kate or the director. They both believed she should be out in California. They could do the workload themselves, or even pick on a replacement for a while.

The day continued on, slowly. Kate was winding tighter and tighter with each hour as she debated wildly in her head the reasons for staying and the reasons for going. It tugged at her heart and she honestly didn't know what to do. She took her lunch a little early.

She didn't know what to do. She was conflicted over her job and her family. She was conflicted over how Gibbs felt. She knew he had expressively told her not to risk her career, if she did would she risk having him too? She couldn't bare losing NCIS and him, but it felt so wrong to stay when everyone needed her. She cried at lunch. She couldn't hold the pressure in any longer.

_Tony_

Tony sat at his desk twiddling a pencil trying to think of a way to cheer Kate up with out her biting his head off. He didn't want her to be down anymore, it was a drag on all of them. He had thoughts of going up and telling the director that she was better off on leave then here. They could either take the case themselves of they could barrow another agent, but he didn't actually do it. Instead he sat at his desk with a pencil and thought, coming up with nothing.

A tall figure stepped off the elevator and caught Tony's eye as he slowly came into the bullpen area scanning the desks. Tony stood and stared at the man curiously. He seemed to be searching for someone.

"Can I help you?" Tony asked. The man was in uniform and looked like he just stepped out of the press. There wasn't a wrinkle on him. His sandy blonde hair was cut in the typical marine cut, and his brown eyes were sharp. Tony stood behind his desk studying the man's face waiting for an answer.

The uniformed man studied Tony in return with his side slightly cocked to the side. He then shook his head no. Tony looked at him perplexed and stepped around his desk. He was about to say something more when the marine spoke up.

"No, I'm looking for Agent Kate Todd, but I guess she isn't here. Do you know where I can find her?"

"She's at lunch. Why you want Kate?"

"I'm sorry, Sir, but that is really my business and I'd like to discuss that with her."

"I'm not so sure, that…"

"It is really none of you business, Agent," the marine said suddenly and turned. "Which desk is hers? I'll wait for her there."

Tony pointed at Kate's desk and watched the marine suspiciously. He didn't like people springing surprises on him or the team. He watched the marine, who seemed oblivious about it, the entire time until Kate arrived back from lunch. They both looked up with the elevator arrived.

_Kate_

Kate stepped off the elevator with her head down. She had done her best to fix her face after she had cried for most of the hour she was gone, but her eyes were still rimmed with red. She glanced around quickly and saw a strange man sitting at her desk. She quickly glanced at Tony and saw him staring suspiciously at the man. She took a deep breath and walked up to Tony's desk.

"Hey, DiNozzo, you replace me already?" She asked trying to force a smile. The smile didn't work.

"No, but he is looking for you, Kate. What's this about?"

"Don't know but I'm sure he will tell me," Kate said turning away from Tony and walking up to her desk.

"Can I help you?" Kate asked.

"Are you Agent Kate Todd?"

"Yes," Kate said suspiciously.

"I don't mean to be rude to your friends but is there someplace we can chat away from everyone else?"

"Who are you?"

"My name is Colonel Richard Donovan, Ma'am."

"Ok, Colonel Donovan, why are you here?"

"Ma'am,"

"Call me Kate."

"I'm a friend of Jeb's," he said quietly. The statement hit Kate and she only nodded. She didn't know what this was about but she would hear him out now. She thought about where they could find some privacy and motioned for him to follow her. She led them both from the building out to her car in the parking garage and then told him to get in the passenger side as she slid into the driver seat. He got in quickly and stared out the front window for a while.

"Is there something wrong?" Kate asked holding her breath.

"Besides the tumor in his head?"

"I just…sorry I just thought maybe something had happened and…"

"Listen, Kate, if something had happened I'm sure you would be the first one in Washington to know."

"I'm not so sure about that, Gibbs is…"

"The gunny is the gunny and no one can change him. You've done a hellava job, according to Jeb, of getting the walls down, but he still has that barrier around him that keeps people out."

"So why are you here?"

"I've been in contact with Jeb daily on the phone about this. He reached out to me at the beginning because of the way Gibbs first took the news. He needed someone to lean on. I gave him as much support as I could from here. But he wouldn't let me fly out there so I followed his wishes and stayed here. He was brighter when you joined the family in California. He was more upbeat, ready to fight this thing. He wasn't going to give in. Then he told me about how you turned Gibbs around and things were going good. I talked to him the other day and asked him how things were going and you should have heard the waiver in his voice when he said you had come back and Gibbs had…"

"Become a bastard again."

"Yeah. I don't know why you agreed to come back, Jeb didn't tell me. I know it's not my place and I'm probably out of line here, but Jeb might as well be my flesh and blood brother, but he needs you out there, and so does the gunny."

Kate stared crying again. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know where to go. She was lost. She was confused. She was torn.

"The director ordered me back to active duty. He was short staffed and I drew the unlucky straw because Jethro and I are not married. And it was Jethro that talked to the director and he told me to come back. He told me not to risk my career for him. What if I go back and I lose both?"

"Kate, I don't think that that would cause you to lose the gunny. I don't know for sure but from what Jeb has told me there is something strong between you and his father and he has never seen his father happier. Do you understand what that means?"

"I don't know what to do."

"What feels right? I know what I need to do and that's be there for my little brother. He weaseled his way into my heart when we were in the corps together and I can't let him go through this alone. I realize that he has family but when you think about it they are all going through this and sometimes they can't give support. He needs an outsider so to speak with him. I just thought that if you could come out you could help with the gunny aspect."

"Gunny aspect," she said with a laugh. "That's a good way of putting it."

"I know not many people know why he is the way he is but something happened to him to harden him. He just needs someone to soften the outer shell, and so far as I can tell from Jeb you do that when you are around him. I just think that it's better for everyone if…"

"I'm there."

"I know it's a big decision. You may lose you job and I can't ask you to do that. It's not my decision. I can save mine, but for you this is risking a lot. I just thought we should speak about it and see what you thought."

"I've been struggling for two days now with this decision, Colonel Donovan."

"Please, call me R. J. Every one else does."

"Ok, R. J. I've had an internal debate going on for a while. I've been trying to figure out what means the most in my life and what I could possibly do without. You know I love working for NCIS and I love my teammates as if they were family, but I can't sit here and let my family go through this alone. I can't sit forever away and hope everything turns out ok." Kate said closing her eyes. R. J. didn't speak he waited for her to make up her mind. "I have to talk to the director."

Kate got out of the car and headed back into NCIS. She didn't wait to see if Donovan was following her. She just went. He got out of the car and hurried to catch up to her. He walked briskly behind her as she marched into NCIS blew past her teammates and went straight up to the director's office. She knocked on the door and once inside slid the door shut. Director Morrow looked up at her expectantly and Kate decided to just jump in heads first.

"Director, I'm taking leave. This isn't a request and if it isn't granted I'm prepared to hand in my resignation effective immediately. I have a family emergency and I can no longer stay here in DC while my family goes through a living hell in California."

Director Morrow just stared at her. He had not thought she would pull this on him. He was sure she would stay here. He had grossly underestimated her. He just sighed looked away.

"I can't authorize anymore leave, Agent Todd."

"Then consider this my resignation," she replied coldly and turned and slammed the door behind her. Everyone at NCIS looked up when they heard the door slam but no one looked for long. Kate came up beside R. J.

"Come on we have a plane to catch," she said softly and she fought hard to hold back her tears. Donovan nodded and walked silently with her out of NCIS. When they got to the car Kate broke down and let the tears fall. Donovan gently put an arm around her and guided her to the passenger side of her car. She quietly handed over her keys to him and he drove them both with her directions to Kate's apartment.

She quickly packed a bag while Donovan waited and then they called a cab to go to Donovan's. Once there he hurriedly packed a small bag and then logged onto his computer and found two tickets on a flight to California that left in a few hours. They paid heartedly for the tickets but neither one complained. It was worth the price.

They made it to the airport. The entire time they were silent. They didn't need to speak. They both knew what the other was feeling. They made their flight and after hour after agonizing hour in the air they finally touched down in California. Kate told Donovan that she knew where to go and she told the cabbie how to get to Ann's house. They were on their way, they were going to make it through this, and they were going to help the family survive.

_California_

_Gibbs_

Gibbs sat miserably in his hotel room. He needed a break. He needed to escape. He needed to think. It felt so wrong not to have Kate by his side. He had the urge to pick up the phone and call her more than once. He couldn't. He couldn't even bring himself to admit the reason why he wanted to call her. He was lost.

How could he come to need someone? How could he come to depend on someone so much? Where in his path did he become one with her that it felt wrong to be apart? He felt so lost and didn't know how to fix it. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. He was strong. He was independent. He was self sufficient.

He was getting older he knew that. Life was simply passing by. He had a lot for a man his age. He had the love of his life, he had a wonderful family, and he had a solid job he loved. He was even building a boat. How could so much go so wrong so fast?

He began to think about what was most important in his life and place them in order. He kept finding himself returning to Kate, Jeb, and Hunter. They were foremost in his thoughts. They were the top aspects of his life. They were everything that held him together.

It was then, alone in a hotel room, in California, that he realized for the first time: he NEEDED Kate. He took a shuddering breath and felt his heart tug. He needed her by his side. He wouldn't be able to breathe without her in his life. He didn't know when it happened, maybe on Air Force One, but somehow she had become one with his being. They were merged. He couldn't even imagine the pain of losing her. He looked at the phone and finally picked it up. It was time to tell her. He dialed her at NCIS. He got her voice mail. He frowned. He dialed Tony and he picked up. Tony explained about the marine, the slamming of doors, and Kate leaving. Gibbs felt sick. He tried her cell phone, no answer. He tried her home, answering machine. He felt defeated. He felt suffocated and afraid. What had gone on? He sat on the bed in his hotel room and thought about his next move. He needed to contact Kate.

_Jeb_

Jeb stood silently on the porch of his own home. He had left his mother's house feeling a little trapped with everyone else around. Gibbs hadn't been there, he had disappeared again. His brother was still joking about putting the tumor on the mantle and his sister was avoiding everyone. Kylie had gone off to an appointment that Jeb hadn't known about but she wasn't forthcoming with information about it.

He was scared. He felt his world coming undone. He knew that there was a strong chance of his surviving and coming out of this with no complications, but there was always that underlying fear of: _They are going to cut my skull open and poke around in my brain, then remove a mass of cells._

Fear. That was the emotion he harbored. But he knew that he was strong. He had survived the accident not so long ago and impressed the shit out of the doctors that said he wouldn't make a full recovery. He had impressed the Marine Corps when he beat men twice his size in man to man combat using his brain. He had always impressed people with his uncanny ability to survive. He would do it again. He would amaze them all.

He waited for Kylie who had told him she would come to the house after her appointment. He wasn't sure of what, but he was sure something else was going on with her. He saw her drive up after a few hours and he watched her come up to him at the house.

"Jeb, we need to talk. You need to sit down," she said softly. Jeb eyed her suspiciously. He took a seat on the railing and Kylie came up in front of him.

"What's up, Ky?"

"I have some news for you," she began as she studied his face. He was confused and she could see the hints of fear that something was wrong with her too. She smiled. "It's not bad news…just…you're going to be a father."

Jeb's jaw dropped. He wasn't prepared for that. He shook the shock from his head and wrapped his arms around Kylie. He pulled her close and tears ran down his face.

"I know it's not the best time to tell the news, but I just found out for certain today at my appointment. I'm one month along, Jeb, were going to have a baby," she said with a smile. Jeb smiled from ear to ear and hugged her close again. Yeah, he just might make it through this.

TBC…..

* * *

**Still enjoying the ride?**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer on chapter one**  
**AN: Another chapter down. Hope you enjoy. Thanks to everyone who is leaving reviews or just reading the story. Glad you're along for the ride. dark rolling sea.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

Kate went up and knocked on the door. Ann came to it almost immediately and smiled brightly when she saw Kate. Then she saw Donovan standing just behind her off to the side. Her smiled increased.

"Kate, R. J, what a surprise," she said almost in tears.

"Is Jethro here?" Kate asked. Ann shook her head and Kate sighed. She would need to go to the hotel then.

"Take my car, Kate, I'll get the keys," Ann said turning into the house. "Come on in."

Kate saw Hunter on the couch curled up watching television. He looked drained. He turned his head slightly to glimpse who had come in and she saw his face brighten when he saw her. Then he saw Donovan. He jumped from the couch and first sprang up at Kate.

"Kate!" he squealed and wrapped his little arms around her neck. She hugged him and he hung on tight. He then pealed back and grinned at Donovan. "Uncle R. J., what are you doing here?"

"Came to visit, bud."

"I missed you," he said as he leaned in Kate's arms towards Donovan. Donovan caught him up and scooped him away from Kate. Hunter then scooted down Donovan's leg and scampered back to the couch.

Ann handed Kate the keys. Kate said a quick goodbye before hurrying out to the car. Donovan and Ann watched as she drove away.

"She's a good match for the gunny," Donovan said softly.

"She certainly is. She can take his gruffness."

Kate drove to the hotel quickly. Her hands shook as she finagled the steering wheel. She pulled up in front of the building and quickly made her way to room 205. She knocked lightly on the door and waited with eyes closed. How was she going to tell him she just resigned? She didn't have any more time to think about it as the door opened and Gibbs was standing there.

She looked up at his face and worry swept over her. He was a mess. He looked like he had been crying. His face was pale, and his eyes were dull. She saw them brighten when the recognition of who was waiting in the hallway hit him. He smiled at her and took a step back. Kate came slowly into the room and waited. She waited for him to yell at her. It didn't come. She turned to face him and noticed there was something about his eyes that had changed. The way he was looking at her. She cocked her head to one side.

"Jethro, I…"

"Kate, wait," he said softly as his hands came gently up to the sides of her face. She closed her eyes and waited. "I want to tell you something, and I want you to listen until I am done."

He had stopped and Kate opened her eyes to look at him. He was looking at her expectantly, waiting for her answer. She nodded slowly and waited.

"I'm so glad you came. I've been trying to call you. I have to tell you something, I was thinking and it hit me. I need you, Kate, I NEED you in my life. I sat here thinking about what it was like, why I felt something was missing. The only thing that was missing, Kate, was you," he said, his voice just above a whisper. Kate was crying now. She knew it would be ok. She knew he would forgive her for resigning.

"I need you to," she said shakily. She wrapped her arms around his middle and leaned into his chest. Gibbs smothered her in his arms and leaned his head against the top of hers.

"And right now Jeb needs both of us," Gibbs said heavily. "How much damage did you do to your career by coming back?"

Kate pulled back from him and attempted to turn from him. He caught her and held her in place. He gave her a look that meant no arguing and Kate hung her head.

"I resigned," she said softly. She felt the pain flush through Gibbs as he took in what her words meant. He didn't know how to feel. She had risked everything to be here by his side. She stood stock still waiting for his berating on her throwing everything away. He couldn't do it. He couldn't believe that she would throw away her job for him. He knew now more than ever that this was love. This was what it was supposed to be like. He thought about how it would be if roles were reversed and he thought immediately that he would be by her side as well.

He smiled and nodded. She looked at him without knowing what he was thinking or feeling. She couldn't read him and it scared her just a little bit. He stepped closer and put his hands on her shoulders.

"It's ok. I would have done the same."

His words plowed into her like a torpedo. She felt the strength of his grip, firm but yielding, and the warmth of his nearness. She felt complete and from the smile on his face so did he. They decided to go to Ann's and on the way Kate filled Gibbs in on how Donovan had come to see her and persuaded her to take action. Gibbs gave a queer smile and Kate wondered what it meant. Then she told him that Donovan had accompanied her out to California and was waiting for them at Ann's.

"Doesn't surprise me. Wondered when that one would join the group here," Gibbs said. Kate didn't know how deep the ties with Donovan ran but it seemed that he was very much a part of the family here. She could see why. The marine had a way of carrying himself and making you trust him. He held a command about him that made you feel that he was worthy of respect.

They pulled in right behind Jeb and Kylie. Jeb grinned when he saw Kate was in the car with Gibbs. Kylie was excited too. Then Jeb turned and saw Donovan standing in the doorway and he stopped. He gave the marine a cool look but Donovan only beamed at him in return.

"Whacha doin' here, R.J.?" Jeb asked coyly. Donovan made his way down the steps as Kate and Gibbs came up behind Jeb and Kylie. Donovan stopped in front of Jeb but looked over him at Gibbs.

"Hi, Gunny, been a while."

"That is has. I hear you're a colonel now."

"Yeah. Got the promotion couple months ago."

"Good to hear."

"Ok, stop talking over me," Jeb cut in and stepped forward to embrace his friend. They both smiled.

"You're not going to hurt me are you?" Donovan asked.

Jeb laughed out loud and shook his head no. He then looked over at Kylie. She was smiling. Kate thought something was up between Jeb and Kylie. Their spirits were lifted immensely since she left. And even though she liked to believe her and Donovan's presence had everything to do with it she had a feeling something more was going on. But she didn't say anything, she waited, watching, wondering.

Finally Jeb had everyone go into the house and sit down. He and Kylie stood at the front of the room and Kate defiantly knew something was going on now. They looked at each other and smiled then Jeb turned to his family.

"We have news for you all. Kylie is pregnant," Jeb said, a grin exploding from ear to ear as he took in everyone's expressions. He was amused when he saw shock and happiness. He was amused when he saw Gibbs cock his head sideways. He saw Hunter's eyes brighten.

"We found out today," Kylie said smiling. She looked from face to face taking in everyone's reaction.

Ann stood up and embraced Kylie and then Jeb. Donovan smiled widely. Gibbs sat quietly in the chair with a smile on his face. Another grandchild. Gibbs pulled Hunter tightly to him and gave him a squeeze.

They spent some time catching up with Donovan then Jeb said he needed to contact Dr. Youngblood now that he had all the paperwork filled out. He scheduled an appointment for the next morning. It was set. He would see the doctor in the morning and they would let him know if they were going to operate.

The evening was spent together quietly. The small group enjoying the company of each other. Under lying the ease of the conversation was the fear and unease of what was going to happen in the morning. This was the pivotal point in this wild ride. He would learn if it was correctable in the morning, he would learn if it would be simply surgery or if there would be a long road of chemotherapy or radiation therapy. It was when they would finally be on the other side of the hill of this emotional roller coaster.

The emotional drain on the entire family was going to come to a head and then pass soon. They would experience the highest anxiety, followed by the joy of it being done. The time would be passing quicker now; the worst of the waiting was over. Tomorrow would be the first day of recovery.

TBC…..


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: Another chapter ready to go. Enjoy. Don't forget to review. dark rolling sea.  
Another strong langauge warning guys.

* * *

**

**  
Chapter Twenty-One**

It was late when Kate and Gibbs headed back to the hotel. Donovan decided to stay with Jeb and Kylie and they left for the night. Once back at the hotel Gibbs sat on the bed and stared at the wall. Kate could see the unease in his eyes. She could feel the tension seeping from his pores. She sat down next to him.

There were no words spoken at first. She didn't know how to say it and he didn't want to listen anyway. He was dealing with the stress in his own way and Kate didn't know how to help him carry the burden. She wanted to take part of that pain and carry it for him, making the load lighter and easier to bear.

Gibbs knew he didn't have to heave the load himself anymore, he knew he didn't have to be strong behind closed doors anymore, and he knew that he didn't have to be closed off anymore. None of that matter. He didn't know how to accomplish that. He was used to holding it in, producing the brick wall around his inner being to shelter it from the outside hardship. He was used to being the iron mask of control, never showing weakness, never showing fear, never showing pain.

But he knew deep down that Kate wouldn't judge. Kate wouldn't care if he was strong or weak. She wouldn't care if he cried. Kate wouldn't leave him for being soft. Kate wouldn't make this worse. She would sit by his side and wait. She was patient. Something he could never quite understand. He would be frustrated with dealing with himself for as long as Kate has, but it doesn't seem to faze her. He was impressed with her. He was consumed by her ability to sit back and wait for him to come to her. He didn't know how she did it, or why she did it. He never knew what she saw in him to begin with.

He just knows he loves her. But now, he can't reach out to her because the walls are still high. He has had a year to tear them down and didn't because he never needed to. The time has come and he can't find the sledge hammer to smash through the encasing that surrounds his feelings from the rest of him and the outside world.

He feels trapped, enslaved by his own monster, of his own creation. He knows he must fight to escape the confinement he has created to protect himself after three failed marriages and numerous other failed relationships. He built the protection in a time where he couldn't afford to lose another person so close, or to even let someone get close enough to hurt him. He used these barriers to keep all at an arms length, to keep from finding himself caring to deeply, loving too much, hurting to bad when they betrayed him.

From the first time he met Kate he knew she wouldn't hurt him like that. He felt something in her that made him believe there was hope for him yet. And the more time he spent with her the more she found the hidden keys to unlock the steel doors, to find her way through the labyrinth of his defenses. Coming to a head with the monster gatekeeper around his heart that takes no prisoners, but like any strong warrior, Kate was not afraid.

He marveled at her ability to attack the monster from the front and hang on for dear life as it viciously fought her away. He learned early on in their relationship that she wasn't going to back down. The more gruff he threw her way, the longer she would wait to talk to him. He would know she was coming, he just never knew when.

It seemed that even though his heart wanted to talk to her about everything, the monster holding the keys to his defenses would lock him down in a prison of self reflection and loathing. And now she sat next to him, quietly, patiently, waiting for him to make the first contact, allowing him to battle the monster first in order to weaken it for her. He knew things shouldn't be so hard, but after a lifetime of pain and hurting, failed relationships, and betrayals, he had become who he was.

Gibbs waged a battle against his insecurities, needing to smash them, not having the strength on his own. He hadn't been able to put a voice to his worst fear, other than admitting loving and losing Kate was his nightmare a year ago. He wasn't strong enough to lay them out there and let someone else wrap them in a blanket.

Kate sat patiently and gently put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He felt the strength come from her and knew he would break the barriers. He would be able to look at her and let her know just how scared he was. She would accept his human barriers; he was not a god on a pedestal in her eyes. He was Gibbs. That's all she needed. Gibbs finally looked at her.

"How do you endure something like this?" he whispered. Kate felt the tears burn her eyes as she took a deep breath.

"As best you can. This is the worst thing a parent can go through," she replied softly. He nodded. "All you can do is support Jeb and pray that all goes well."

"When I first found out I was a father…it was a shock. I didn't know how I felt about the fact that I had a pair of boys looking up at me expecting greatness. Little did they know that I was looking up at them, not the other way around. They were so strong in their struggle through a tormented life that I was proud of them.

They became a big part of my life even if I did hide it from every other soul in my life. It wasn't that I didn't want them in the main focus of my life, they were. I don't know why I hid them from view all those years, never letting anyone, besides Ducky, know. It was part of the barriers I built to protect. I think I was protecting myself and them from the horror of my miserable attempt at life. I didn't know how to let them in. I didn't know how to beat the walls. It was something that I did subconsciously.

I don't know how to explain it, Kate, I don't know why I am the way I am except that it is a burden of pain and betrayal that has buried my heart in a thick layer of steel that a gremlin watches guard over. How do I defeat that? How do I discard so many years of instinctive defensive scarring?"

Kate didn't know how to respond to that. She knew he needed to talk and she was going to let him. She wasn't going to interrupt him and let the moment pass within him. He knew she was there, she didn't have to remind him.

"Pain is a funny thing, it never goes away. You can get past it but deep down that pain is still there. It carries with you wherever you go, a piece always reminding you of an end that could happen. You never get used to pain, you never escape it either, it haunts your heart and mind like a nagging ghost as you try to plow ahead through life."

Kate again waited patiently. She had never heard him speak like this and quite frankly she was a little worried. She knew how much stress this was putting on him and the added burden of her risking everything to come out here was weighing on his mind as well. She didn't know where his monologue was going and she was a little bit afraid of the destination.

"Fighting it is a little useless. Fighting love is useless too. You can try to ignore it and hope it goes away but it won't. Not if it's truly love. Love for a son is the truest love I'd experienced until Hunter came along and increased the love ten fold for both son and grandson. And now another grandchild. Who will care for them if Jeb doesn't come through? How will they grow up never really knowing their father, and Hunter already losing both parents and now his uncle may be gone too. I don't know how to help him."

"The only thing you can do, Jethro, is to be there by their sides no matter what happens, no matter what the pain is." Gibbs nodded and laid back on the bed. Kate waited a minute before she continued. "There is nothing that can make me leave you, you know that right?"

Gibbs sat up again and stared at Kate. "I'm sorry you had to quit NCIS to be here, I'm sorry…"

"Jethro, don't apologize. It's not your fault, I made the choice."

Gibbs nodded again and leaned back on his elbows. He watched Kate and even though he vowed never to marry again that familiar feeling was stirring in his gut. Only this time it felt a little bit different than the first three. Maybe that was all practice, he thought to himself. Anything is possible. He felt the urge to say something, but couldn't bring himself to do it. The words wouldn't come out. His mind was still weary of the words, after three attempts.

"What?" Kate asked turning on her side to face him. He smiled but didn't say anything. He didn't want to ruin the moment. He was content. Kate smiled back and shrugged. She would take what she could get.

Jeb stood quietly in his living room. They had already laid Hunter in his bed and he was deep asleep. Donovan stood in the hallway, staring at the floor. Kylie had already turned in, saying she was tired.

Jeb knew Donovan wanted to say something but was hesitant. He waited him out. He knew his friend well enough now that eventually he would speak his piece. Jeb walked over to the recliner and flopped heavily into the cushion. Donovan looked up and sighed. He walked over and leaned stiffly against the back of the couch.

"You good?" Donovan asked in a quiet voice.

"As good as I can be."

"I'm worried about you."

"I know."

"Things are going to start moving fast. You ready?"

"No. I'm not ready to have my head sliced open and meat removed, I'm not ready to have another baby around, and I'm not ready to grow up. Shit, R. J. What the hell happened to me?"

"You're getting old," Donovan said with a grin.

"Shut up," Jeb said with a smile. "Twenty-five is not old."

"Ok. Look just…"

"Yeah, I'm fucking scared ok? I'm ragged inside trying to figure out how to beat this fucking thing. I hate this, R. J. I fucking hate it. I'm so messed up that I can't think straight anymore. And Kylie…how the hell is she supposed to deal with this. Christ. I don't know anymore. I don't know what to think. I'm paralyzed with fear and I'm stuck on a glass window that's shattering and there's nothing on the other side. How do I get off of it?"

Donovan saw the raw fear finally explode in Jeb's eyes. He saw the tears start to fall from his eyes. He saw his friend finally meet that point of no return. He was excepting he had no control over his fate. He was learning that he had to put full faith in the doctor that was going to operate. Donovan made his way around the couch and sat down facing Jeb.

"Let it out, Brother, let it out. No need keeping that shit in. Just makes for more tumors in there."

"Not funny."

"Yeah, ok bad joke."

"Speaking of jokes, Kayden said I should grow it and put in on the mantle at Mom's."

"Funny kid."

"Yeah. But I think he is making jokes to deal with the hard facts. You know neither one of them told me how they felt. I know Jasie is all scared because she cries a lot, but Kayden is so closed off. Scares me how he's taking this. Or how he will react if…"

"Don't finish that."

"Right."

"Things will be ok. I know it. Just gotta go with the flow and hang on for dear life."

TBC……………………………………


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: Enjoy Chapter twenty two. Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming, I love hearing what my readers think. Its always interesting to hear what you get out of the words. dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Two**

Jeb went in for the testing that morning with Kylie and Donovan as support. Gibbs paced around Ann's house like a caged tiger the entire time they were gone. Kate sat on the couch watching him, while Ann sat in the recliner. Hunter was watching television, announcing earlier that he was not going to go to school that day.

They waited hours for them to return and Gibbs grew more and more impatient. He wanted this to be over. He wanted this to be behind them. He wanted his son safe. Kate traced him with her eyes.

"Sit down, Jethro," she said softly. Gibbs just looked at her and continued to pace. Hunter was lying on his stomach with his upper body propped up on his elbows. He turned so he could watch Gibbs and he sighed. All three adults looked at him.

"Settle down, Papa, you're making me nervous," Hunter said sternly. Gibbs smiled. He then came up beside the boy and lowered himself to the ground. He sat next to Hunter and looked at the television.

"What are you watching?"

"Cartoons. It's the cartoon station. They have all the good shows on," Hunter said returning to his original position and reengaging his attention to the television. Gibbs smiled and let his attention be tuned into the mindless action unfolding on the screen before him.

Time passed and finally they heard a car pull into the driveway. Gibbs slowly got to his feet, with the help of the couch, and made his way to the door. He met Jeb and the other two as they came in. Jeb smiled and inched past him while Gibbs held the door for Kylie and Donovan. Donovan looked at Gibbs with a concerned look as he passed.

"So?" Ann asked her son when he didn't offer any explanation.

"I passed all the tests and they say that I can be put under the knife to remove the mass growing in my brain. Dr. Youngblood was a little worried about my prior accident and the damage I suffered in that but he is going to speak further with Dr. Nash to assure that it's not a problem. They want to schedule me for surgery as soon as possible, and by the end of the week is a possibility."

"That's good news," Gibbs said with a flat voice. Donovan glanced up at him briefly before averting his eyes again. Gibbs caught the gesture but let if slide for the moment. He would need to speak with the colonel before too long.

"Yeah it is. They said from what they can see it's completely removable by surgery and I shouldn't need any prolonged chemo or radiation therapy after surgery. Of course they'll have to monitor my progress in case of regression but they believe that they can clean it all up in one cut."

"Dr. Youngblood is going to do the surgery?" Ann asked.

"Yes. He said he will handle this personally as a favor to Dr. Nash."

Ann just nodded and then stared at her son. He felt the weight of her eyes and turned away. He knew this was still going to be difficult. This was far from over. He glanced at Kylie and saw her hiding the pain she was feeling. He looked at Donovan and saw he was trying to avoid bringing attention to himself. He wondered if they knew something he didn't. He didn't think the doctor had talked to either of them without him present but you never know with doctors.

Jeb threw a smile Hunter's way and the boy got up from the floor and walked up to him. He wrapped his arms around his uncle's hips and squeezed. Jeb bent down and Hunter moved his arms up around Jeb's neck. Jeb pulled him close and held on tight.

"It's going to be all right, Buddy," Jeb said quietly in Hunter's ear.

"They are going to cut your head open though," Hunter said in a harsh whisper. Jeb felt the boy's tears sliding down his neck and hugged him even tighter.

"Yeah, they are, but they're trained to do stuff like this, Buddy. They know what they are doing and how to fix things. I'm not worried."

"You're lying," Hunter said quietly and pulled back. Jeb reluctantly let him go. Hunter stood still, studying his uncle. He then took a step back from him. "You're lying to me. You are scared. You are worried."

"Yeah, I am," Jeb said with a cracked voice. The tears escaped his eyes and he brushed at them hurriedly. Hunter frowned and pursed his lips. He didn't know how to comfort his uncle.

"It's ok to be scared sometimes. Kate told me that," Hunter said softly to his uncle. Kate felt the tears hit her when she heard Hunter say that. She remembered telling him that when they were at her apartment a year ago just before they were taken hostage.

"That's why you have family," Gibbs said quietly as he walked up behind the two. He squatted down next to Jeb and looked his son in the eye. They held the contact for a moment before Jeb nodded and let the tears fall. He leaned into his father and Gibbs pulled him closer. Hunter tried hard to hold the fear in but it was over powering him. He looked up at his grandmother and started to shudder with the first wave of tears. She reached out for him and pulled him into her lap in the recliner.

"We'll get through this," Ann said. "This family is strong enough."

Kate felt the power of Ann's words. She knew that Kylie, Donovan, and herself were included in the family. This was her place to stay. She knew that now. They had accepted her with little effort, and she had become one with them, there was no turning away now. She looked up at Kylie and Donovan to see their reaction to the situation and knew they both felt as welcome as she did. Donovan had the strangled look of a brother in mourning and Kylie was desperate to hang onto the father of her child.

An hour later Gibbs found Donovan alone on the front porch. He quietly closed the door and walked up to the railing and stood next to the colonel. Even out of uniform Donovan carried the prestige of a marine officer. Gibbs leaned on the rail and waited a moment before speaking.

"Something on your mind, marine?" Gibbs asked.

"Worried s'all."

"About?"

"Jeb. You know he said Dr. Youngblood was worried about his past accident?"

"Yeah."

"From what I gathered he was more than worried. We know that Jeb is still not fully recovered from the accident and the doctor knows that there are some parts of Jeb that are weakened. He said that even though Jeb still runs like he does and he is in good health that the fact of being put under such heavy anesthesia and having surgery on his brain could…"

"It's a risk, R. J, but what else can he do?"

"I know. I'm just worried about losing a brother."

"More than a marine brother."

"Yes, sir. I've know Jeb going on eight years now and I can't imagine a world without him. We served together; I was there for the recovery. He was there when I went through my bad spell and…" Donovan didn't finish.

"Everyone is feeling this, R. J. You became one of the family. Once Jeb was separated from Colton and then Jake choosing the Army instead, that left him stranded with no one. He picked you or you picked him. Maybe a higher power picked the two of you, but it was meant to be. I've seen how he turns to you when he needs someone. I know that he can't turn to me. I don't know that I'd be able to help him the way you do.

"It's one of the things where if he needs a shoulder yours is there no matter what the situation, no matter what the time, no matter what you are doing."

"He's my brother. He…I don't know if you know my history, gunny, but I'm an only child. I didn't have a brother growing up. I came from a broken home life with drunken parents and an abusive father. My uncle pulled my out of hell when I was fifteen or else I would have ended up dead by sixteen. I was trouble. I didn't care. No one else cared either. My uncle knew he had to get me out of there so he got custody of me and tried to straighten me out. It didn't work so when I was about to turn eighteen I got into trouble with the law. My uncle made a deal with the court to send me to the marines to straighten me out. It worked. I got on the straight and narrow and never left. I got an education and became an officer.

"I didn't have a friend in the world beside my uncle when I first went into the core. Then after a few years here comes this tiny scrawny little kid that wasn't the normal cocky little shits that usually come through boot camp. Jeb was different. He was quiet and sure of himself. He never made a mistake and was the top of his class. I first requested him on his ability as a marine but after having him in my unit for a few weeks the friendship was bonded.

"He was of a different breed. Not the normal jarhead private that you get most times. He was cool, confident, and sure. He wasn't over cocky, and he wasn't a talker. He knew what needed to be done and what had to be done. He made sure it was. One night I was feeling the burden of my past when my mother passed away and sure enough Jeb materialized that night out of no where and asked if I needed to talk.

"I hadn't intended on ever bringing my past with me after I joined the core but here this seventeen year old kid pulled it out of me with no more effort than he would slicing bread. We formed something that I never had when I was a kid that night. I never knew what it was like to have a brother to confide in. To share the burden and pain with. He shouldered more than half that night and I was grateful for it. And now here he is needing me to return it."

Gibbs thought about what Donovan was saying. The marine finally fell silent as he stared off into the afternoon sunshine. Gibbs thought about how it would have been so easy for Jeb to take on that role, needing to fill the hole left by Jake not being by his side constantly. He thought about his own path and not having the brother to confide in as Donovan had been. Finally he spoke.

"You're doing just fine, son. Jeb knows why you are here. He knows what you stand for. He knows how much you can carry; he knows how much he can give you. He has distributed the grief and pain to all of us I think and he is stronger for it. Just stay close and he'll know where you stand."

No more words were needed. They both stood silently for a long time as they waited. Waited for the beginning, the end, for tomorrow. There was nothing worse than waiting. There was nothing else to do.

Neither knew how much time had passed before they heard the door slip open and someone join them on the porch. Gibbs felt Kate wrap her arms around his waist from behind and lean into him. Gibbs smiled as he felt her warmth envelope him.

TBC…………………………..


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer is on first chapter.  
AN: Sorry about the delay guys, had a bit of writer's block this week. Managed to get this chapter out today and I hope you enjoy. Leave me a note. Thank you to everyone who is reading this story and for those that have left reviews. It means a lot. dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Three**

It was late when they got back to the hotel. Gibbs lay on his back on the bed with his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling. Kate was standing at the balcony doors watching the nightlife fly by. Neither one spoke. They both knew the under lying risk of the operation that Jeb was to undergo. They both knew there was that possibility that he wouldn't make it. It bothered Gibbs that Donovan had put more into Dr. Youngblood's worries than Jeb did.

Kate turned finally and looked down at him. He had his eyes glued to the tiles above but she could tell he wasn't in the room with her. That was all right with her. She knew he was dealing with this better now than he had been. She felt confident that he was going to get through this. Finally Gibbs broke the thick silence in the room.

"I'm worried about what Donovan said about the surgeon's concerns."

"I'm sure it's ok."

"Just that Jeb isn't as strong as he makes himself out to be. I see the change in him since the accident. He compensates extremely well but its still there. He's weaker…"

"I'm sure that the doctors won't put him under unless they are sure it's ok."

"But you see they have too. The tumor will kill him if they don't. It'll just be more gradual than the sudden in the surgery."

"I don't think we have a choice in the matter. I think that it's a matter of faith and believing," Kate replied, her fingers absently toying with the cross she wore. Gibbs looked up at her then his eyes came to rest on the cross in her hands. He stared at it trying to understand the blind faith. He closed his eyes.

"Blind faith. Never understood it."

"That's the power of it, Jethro. If you can believe blindly think of what you could do if it showed itself."

"It sure would make it easier to believe in."

"It's all around if you look," she said quietly and then joined him on the bed. He looked at her skeptically and then shook his head again.

"Nothing is certain. It could be anything. It could be nothing. There is no tangible proof. There is no evidence that is undeniable."

"Time will tell. I will believe enough for the both of us," she said softly as she felt sleep overcoming her exhausted body.

Kate was soon asleep while Gibbs lay wide awake cradling her in his arms. He would not sleep this night and figured he wouldn't get much sleep until after the operation. The last few days floated through his head at random intervals as he tried to come to grips.

He felt mixed emotions about the news of another grandchild. He was happy that Jeb and Kylie were going to have a family, but he was worried about Jeb not surviving and another of his grandchildren growing up fatherless. He knew the child would have a strong family atmosphere but there was the chance that the child would never know his father. That pained Gibbs.

He didn't know how to feel about the doctor's apparent anxiety about Jeb's previous accident, the chance that he was not strong enough to undergo the surgery that he needed. He knew his son was strong, but just how much damage was Jeb hiding from him. He thought about calling Dr. Nash in the morning to talk about it but decided that that would be an invasion of privacy. The thought stuck with him though and he figured he may call anyway.

He thought about Kate. He thought about their past year together and what it has meant to him. The feeling of completeness he gets when she is around. The fear of losing her. The companionship she offers him. She is his best friend, his lover, she is his other half. He thinks about the thoughts of marriage that he had recently and the fact that he had vowed never to marry again.

How did Kate feel about that? His fourth attempt he thought as he looked at her. Wasn't it supposed to be third times a charm? He sighed and looked at the clock. It was going to be a long night at this rate. His brain was still spinning and it looked like no sleep in sight.

He thought about how much Kate had sacrificed to be by his side at this trying moment, to be a part of his family in their time of need. He thought about her resigning from NCIS. It was because of him. He knew that. He felt guilty because of it. But he also felt a tinge of pride that she would leave everything for him. He thought about if the roles had been reversed. If it had been one of her brothers, or a member of their families. Would he have reacted in the same manner?

Yes he thought. If she had been distraught he would have done anything to be by her side, to shoulder the burden of her pain, ease the torment of her heart. She had no idea how much she helped just by being next to him. She had no idea how much of the pain she shouldered, how much burden and torment she made go away.

He would tell her he thought. He would let her know what she meant to him and how he felt. His thoughts wandered again. He thought about his life in Washington and what he had there. He thought about what his life would be like in California. He decided that he wasn't ready to retire. He wasn't ready to give up NCIS. He just hoped he could get Kate her job back.

He thought about the rest of his team, how they must be worried about what was going on out here. He had not told them. He did not know if Kate had said anything to them, but he doubted she said too much. That was her way. She felt it wasn't her place to tell his secrets and he appreciated that. It was a relief to him that she waited for him to open up.

He knew he owed them an explanation for his absence. He knew they deserved to know what was going on. He considered them family just the same. He would call them tomorrow he thought. He felt guilty for keeping this from them for so long.

The night crept on as Kate slept and Gibbs pondered. He saw no rest in sight and twice almost gave up on lying in the bed, but with no boat to work on and the risk of waking Kate he stayed put both times. His mind was running fast and he couldn't slow it down. He realized something else; he had almost stopped drinking coffee. Maybe that was the problem with his edginess, his irritability. Then again he was that way with coffee too so maybe it was just him.

He had a craving right then for coffee but it being three in the morning and Kate sleeping soundly next to him he didn't dare get up. He wouldn't know where to get good coffee here at this time of night anyway. He ran his memories of his sons through his head from the moment he met them until now. He relived the life he spent with them deep inside his own head and reopened the wound of losing Jake. He felt the first of the tears fall and he silently re-mourned the loss of his son. He then mourned the thought of losing the other.

He thought of Hunter and all the difficulties the child had faced in his life. He thought about how losing Jeb would affect the little guy and realized it would not be good. He feared that if Hunter lost Jeb the boy would be weary of forming attachments to people. He feared Hunter would no longer want to be close to anyone, fearing that they would die.

He knew he would need to talk to Hunter soon about everything that was happening. He would need to know what the boy thought and felt about this ordeal. He would try his best to explain the workings of life to the boy and help him to understand the pain of loss. Gibbs thought about his own inability to form meaningful relationships after his first divorce. Minus Ducky he had none that meant anything to him; that is until he met Kate. Aside from his boys and later grandson there were no other meaningful relationships in sight.

He knew now he must not let his grandson fall into the same trap that he did. To feel nothing is not to survive. To feel pain is to survive. Scars build character. Emotional scars were a part of life. It was something to deal with head on. He was up to that. He would take charge.

The night dragged on and no sleep came for him. He was ok though. He would make it. He had done this before. Of course he was younger then, a lot younger, but that didn't mean he couldn't still go without. He would push himself to the limit and then some. He was ready for the fight; he was ready to take charge.

TBC…….


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: Whoo hoo. I finally got my butt moving and wrote chapter 24! Hope you enjoy, its a little light but it's all I could muster. Still working on getting it to go where I want! Hopefully it will pick up more from here on out. Enjoy! dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Four**

Gibbs was still awake when the sun came up. He gently removed himself from the bed and went out on the balcony to watch it rise. His mind was still scrambling about with a million different thoughts. He turned and leaned against the railing on the balcony and closed his eyes. Everything had changed so much in the last two weeks.

He heard noise coming from inside the room. He slid the doors open and stepped through them, seeing Kate coming out of the bathroom. She smiled at him, but he could see the stress in her face. He knew he must look atrocious.

He felt her eyes study him and he felt self conscious suddenly. He didn't know why. He looked away. She continued to watch him as he felt his emotions jam and collide. He knew he wanted to tell her everything he had thought about last night, but when the time came, he just couldn't form the words. He didn't know how to tell her.

She stepped closer to him and he felt himself grow nervous. It was new for him, he didn't know nervous. He concentrated on breathing. In…release…in…release…slow and steady. His mind floated back to his thoughts last night and the previous days when he realized how much he needed Kate. Why couldn't he just tell her? He didn't know.

Finally she was standing in front of him still studying his face. She reached up and rubbed a thumb under his eye. He looked at her. He knew she could tell he hadn't slept. He could see she was worried about him. He wished he could spill his heart to her, let her know everything that went through his mind while she was asleep last night.

"You didn't sleep last night," she said quietly. Gibbs only nodded. He couldn't find his voice. He knew he just needed to start. He just needed to break through that last wall. He needed to let her in, take the chance.

"No. Had a lot on my mind."

"Care to share?"

"I…" he couldn't finish. He wanted to say it but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. He decided to take the safer subject instead. "I was just thinking about Jeb, Hunter, and work. I was thinking how Jeb was going to be a father but might not get to enjoy it. I thought about how much this would affect Hunter. I thought about life in Washington. I thought…"

"You did a lot of thinking," she replied. He took a deep breath and looked up at her. It was a defining moment in his life. Here and now he could make the choice. He searched her eyes for a moment and she stood still letting him. There was no judging, there was no fear, and there was nothing but love staring at back at him. He smiled.

"Kate, let's get married," he said in a whisper. As soon as it escaped, the panic hit him. He hadn't thought it would come out. He didn't know what she'd say. This was not the place or the time to think about this.

His words knocked Kate back for a moment. Did he really just say what I think he said, her brain screamed. She was in shock. She hadn't expected that from him. She had heard him before they were together vow that he would NEVER marry again. Three failures were enough for him he had said. She saw the panic reach his eyes and she knew she needed to say something fast. She needed to let him know her silence was in no way a rejection. She just couldn't find her voice. She smiled and tears formed in her eyes. He held his breath. She fought her brain for it to function. Finally she found her voice.

"Jethro," she said in a whisper. "Yes," she said a little more boldly. She then nodded because she couldn't think of anything else to say. Gibbs let out the breath he was holding and stepped into Kate and embraced her. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. He kissed the top of her head.

Jeb had woken early that morning and gone out on the porch to think. He heard movement in the house and shortly Donovan joined him on the porch. They were in silence for a few moments, Jeb sitting in the chair and Donovan leaning on the railing. Donovan finally turned around and faced Jeb.

"Something on your mind, R. J.?"

"You."

"How so?"

"Worried. I might lose you. I don't think I'm ready for that."

"I'm a marine, Colonel. I won't go down without a hellava fight."

"I know that, but this enemy might just…"

"It's a chance, R.J. I know that, you know that, everyone knows that."

"Remember right after we first met, you were this skinny little quiet kid that no one really knew anything about. You and Kylie's brother…Colton…yeah the two of you were mysteries in basic. You slid through Pendleton without notice and no one really knew what you were capable of. Then they assigned you to my unit. Everyone thought that with your bodyguard gone that they could pick on you.

"And you let it happen. You just let them pick on you constantly. I never understood how you could just sit there and take the constant berating that they gave you. But you took it in stride and it never affected you. Then came the hand to hand combat sessions. I remember the first time you drew an opponent. What was his name….big kid, Chris German wasn't it? (Jeb nodded.) You were so confident going in. I feared I'd be taking you to the infirmary afterwards. And he was just cocky as hell, being two times bigger than you and stronger. But you showed him and the rest that muscle doesn't always win. I'm still not sure what the hell you did to knock him down, but it was the quickest win I had ever recorded in those sessions.

"This…this is different. You can't see your opponent, Jeb. This one isn't seeing the weakness and exploiting it. This you have to put into someone else's hands. And again I find myself amazed at your ability to take it in stride."

"Can I let you in on a secret?" Jeb said with a smile brewing. Donovan could see he was recalling a memory.

"Of course."

"That day, when I went up against German? I was fucking terrified. My god was I scared shitless. I mean shit that guy was what six three maybe more, and a good two hundred twenty pounds. You know he played linebacker in high school. I wasn't sure if I could beat him, but I knew that I had one thing going for me. I was smarter than him. You thought I was as confident as could be but inside I was really shitting my pants."

"Couldn't tell," Donovan said with a smile.

"Same now. I'm scared out of my mind, R. J. I don't know if I can beat this. But I have too. I'm going to be a father in eight months. I've got to take care of Hunter. I've got to be here for him. I can't let him lose…"

The tears stopped him from finishing. Donovan only nodded. There was nothing more to be said. They would try their best and fight the fight they could, but ultimately they both knew it was no longer in their hands.

Gibbs broke the contact between them and pulled back. She looked up at him and smiled. He nodded. He then looked at his watch and sighed. Kate put a hand to his face and forced him to look at her.

"What?"

"I…I need to call Washington."

"Why, what is it?" Kate was concerned now.

"No, nothing, Kate, it's I owe…I need to talk to the team." Kate nodded. She knew this was coming. She wanted to let him know she had already talked to them a little.

"They know a little, Jethro. When I was back I…I told them what was wrong with Jeb."

"Ok," he said quietly as he dialed Ducky. He waited for Ducky to pick up. "Ducky, it's Jethro. Can you gather the team in the morgue for me?...Call me back when you get them together….thanks, Ducky."

Gibbs hung up the line and waited. The room was quiet while they waited for the phone to ring. It was an agonizing wait for them. Finally the phone chirped and Gibbs flipped it open. It was Ducky calling back.

"Ok, Jethro, we are all here. I have you on speaker phone so everyone can hear," Ducky said.

"I wanted to call and let you guys know what was going on. I'm sorry I didn't let you know sooner, but things have been….crazy out here," Gibbs said.

"It's ok, bossman," Abby said cheerily.

"Thanks, Abbs. Listen. I don't know when I'll be back but I wanted to let you know that the reason I took leave was my son has a brain tumor. We just found out and well he also just found out that he will need surgery and soon. They are looking for the end of the week. I know that Kate already told you the details of the tumor, but I wanted you to hear it from me. Also the doctor thinks that only surgery is needed and that he won't need prolonged chemo or radiation," Gibbs continued.

"If you need any thing, Boss, we're here," Tony said sincerely.

"Thank you," Gibbs said. He fielded a few minor questions from them and then disconnected the call. He tossed the phone down and drew in a deep breath.

"Feel better?" Kate asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"How come you left out this morning's new?" Kate asked with a smile.

"I'd like to tell the other part of my family first," Gibbs said with a smile.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: Here is chapter twenty five. Hope it is up to par for you :-). It really wrote itself which was a nice switch from the last couple chapters. Thanks to all who are reading and double thanks to those who reviewed. Alas enjoy chapter 25! -- dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Five**

Gibbs and Kate made their way towards Ann's house. Gibbs stopped off first to get coffee. He bought three cups. He handed one to Kate, and had one of the others downed before they were at Ann's. He then slowly sipped on the third cup he had bought.

Once they were inside Gibbs decided to wait until everyone was together before he told the news. He let Kate know that he felt it was better that way and she agreed. They would wait for Jeb and Kylie to join them before they spilled the news.

It was another hour before everyone showed up. Jeb had said that Hunter decided to go to school that morning and it really shocked Gibbs a little bit. He knew his grandson was having trouble with the notion of going to school while all of this was on his mind, but he figured it was just time that the boy needed to get away.

They all went out for breakfast at Gibbs insistence, and his pocket book. As they were finishing their meal he glanced up at Kate and smiled. She nodded and Gibbs cleared his throat. Everyone looked at him expectantly and again he felt the nervousness hit him. His palms were sweaty and his pulse was quickening. He smiled and took a breath.

"We have something we'd like to share," Gibbs said. He looked around at everyone then wet his lips before continuing. "Kate and I are getting married."

Everyone at the table stopped what they were doing. There was a lot of disbelief and shock. Gibbs waited impatiently for someone to say something. The panic was surging again and he looked from face to face. He looked at Kate and he swallowed. He felt like he was in front of a fire squad. Finally Jeb broke into a huge grin.

"Bout damn time, old man," he said with a laugh. Everyone else was smiling now too. The initial shock had worn off and they were all happy now. Gibbs breathed in the relief and looked at his son with a mock glare.

"Who you calling old?" Gibbs asked gruffly. Jeb only laughed.

"Wow, I thought you vowed never to marry again," Ann said lightly with a smile.

"That's what I thought too," Kate said softly and took Gibbs' hand in hers.

"Sometimes, chances come along and change your mind," Gibbs said looking at Kate. They finished the meal and left the restaurant. Donovan came up to Gibbs as they were leaving.

"Congrats, Gunny," he said extending his hand. Gibbs took it and they shared a firm handshake.

"Thanks, R. J. So when are you going to meet the girl of your dreams?"

"Ah, don't know, but my mother wishes it would be soon."

"Don't rush it. Wait till it's worth it."

"Experience?"

"Three failures, son. None of them felt like this one."

"Well I hope this one is forever, sir."

"You and me both," Gibbs said with a smile as he watched Kate. She turned to look at him then and gave him a smile.

The rest of the week passed quickly for them. Everyone was feeling the anxiety of what was to come. Gibbs was watching Hunter closely as the boy seemed to be closing himself off from everyone. He was worried. Kylie was keeping Jeb going, and Jeb was working hard to maintain his positive attitude. Ann was showing her worry, but Gibbs knew she was strong. Of course they all had Donovan and Kate to lean on too and that helped more than either of them could ever know.

The doctor had scheduled Jeb for surgery on Friday morning and it was now Thursday night. The family stayed in at Ann's for the night. They were all restless. Jeb and Kylie sat close on the couch while watching television, Ann sitting in the chair watching her son. Donovan was pacing in the background, his nerves showing through his polished exterior. Hunter stayed on the floor in front of the television for most of the night, avoiding talking to anyone. There was such a drastic change in him lately from the strong rock he was at the beginning to the ghost he was now.

Gibbs couldn't take the tension in the room anymore so he went out on the porch to enjoy the cool night air. Kate knew he needed time to think alone so she stayed in the living room with the rest. After a while she saw Hunter get up. No one else seemed to notice. He looked around the room quickly and she saw he wore a frown. He then looked out the window and slowly went to the door. He quickly left the house pulling the door shut softly.

Hunter looked around and saw his grandfather sitting in a chair staring up at the sky. He took a deep breath and slowly walked up to him. Gibbs looked down at Hunter and smiled. Hunter looked up at the sky and blinked away his tears. Gibbs saw the fear and pain in Hunter's eyes and he scooped the boy into his lap. He held him tight against his chest as Hunter leaned into him and cried. Gibbs ran a hand softly through Hunter's hair as he cried, and rubbed his back. He didn't say anything.

Finally the boy settled and turned his head so his ear was resting against Gibbs' chest. He looked up at the sky and then wiped at his nose with his sleeve. Gibbs didn't want to break the silence between them; also he didn't know what to say to the boy.

"Papa?" Hunter asked softly still staring up at the sky.

"Yeah, buddy?" Gibbs said in a whisper as if raising his voice would shatter the fragile environment that surrounded them.

"If uncle Jeb dies who will I live with?"

"Uncle Jeb is going to be fine," Gibbs said biting back the tears he felt forming.

"You can't make that promise. My dad should have been fine too."

"What happened to you dad was an accident."

"It's the same thing, Papa, really it is. If uncle Jeb dies who will I live with?"

"Most likely your grandmother."

"How come? Why not you?"

"Oh, buddy, Kate and I are never home. We work so much."

"You could stop, you could not work so much."

"Don't you worry. Uncle Jeb will be fine and it won't matter because you'll live with him and Aunt Kylie and the new baby."

"I'm really scared, Papa."

"I know, buddy, I'm scared too. I'm so scared of losing your uncle like I did your dad. I know how much this can be scary but sometimes you just have to be tough and know that in the end it will all be ok."

"But you can't know that."

"But you can hope."

"But you still can't know."

"How'd you get to be so smart?"

"Funny, Papa. I miss you and Kate. I wish you could live here."

"I know. But our jobs are in Washington."

"I know. When I get bigger I want to be like you, Papa. I want to get the bad guys."

"I know you do."

"Can I be an agent?"

"When you get old enough you sure can."

"Do I have to be a marine first?"

"No. Buddy, you can just be an agent it you want."

"But you were a marine first. And Uncle Jeb he was a marine, and Uncle R. J. is a marine too."

"Right."

"Maybe I should be a marine too."

"Maybe."

"Marines catch the bad guys too."

"Yes they do."

"Will you teach me how to be an agent, Papa?"

"When this is all over you come visit me in Washington when you have a break from school, and I'll teach you how to be agent."

"Thanks, Papa."

"Anything for you, Buddy."

They were silent after that. Hunter curled tighter into Gibbs' hold and he was content to cling tightly to his grandson. They stayed like that for a while, both staring up into the starry sky, wondering what would happen in the morning. They both felt the fear of losing a loved one and both new it would be a long hard day.

Inside Jeb and Kylie had fallen asleep on the couch and Donovan had finally stopped pacing. He was sitting at the table in the kitchen fidgeting with the table cloth. He was far from his normal self, the control and calm exterior being unraveled with the coming uncertainty. Ann had fallen asleep in the recliner so Kate switched the television off and then quietly looked out the window onto the porch. She saw Gibbs holding Hunter tightly as they watched the stars and felt that she shouldn't intrude on the moment.

Instead she walked into the kitchen and sat down across the table from Donovan. She watched him tug at the table cloth for a while, trying to get a feel for his emotions. Finally he looked up and offered a half smile. She saw it was forced and strained. She reached across and stilled his hand with hers. He looked down at it and sighed.

"Want to talk about it?"

"It's funny. How I can dress up and charge into a firefight without even a moments hesitation or thought but when it comes to something like this I'm frazzled."

"It's normal. The firefight is a brief explosion of events. Your adrenaline is firing through your veins, pumping your body full of energy and strength. You don't have time to think, you only act and react to what is going on around you. When it is something like this you have time to think, to contemplate, to realize you have no control."

"In command it's inevitable. You are going to lose men under you. It's still hard but you know the risk going in. You cope with it and move on long before the man is even killed. But here now, like this? How can you ever cope with something like this? I feel so unraveled. So strung thin."

"This is a different kind of loss, R. J. Here there is no rhyme or reason to why it chose Jeb. There is no explanation why it happened to this family."

"You're right. In battle every man signed on for it. Every one of the soldiers knows the risk of death going in. You accept that when you sign up for basic. You know the risk when you strap that rifle to your back and carry your pack off into the sight of the enemy."

"And now you can't even see your enemy. You can't confront it and ask it why. You don't know its reason for attacking. Its not prejudice, or seeking power. It's not about money or freedom. Its only life and death."

"Is there ever an answer, Ma'am?"

"No, I don't think there is. There is only the journey. It is about being strong and surviving. There is no destination or treasure at the end. There is no reward, or goal to be accomplished, other than survival."

"It just doesn't make sense."

"And it never will. We just have to endure. Make the best of the situation and strive to accomplish what we can. We have to be the wall that holds up the roof that covers the heads of the unsuspecting. There is nothing else we can do."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything you have done. For me, for Jeb, for the gunny, for this family. Just being here. Thank you."

"You are welcome."

The two sat in silence after that. It was another couple hours before Kate heard Gibbs come back into the house. He was carrying a sleeping Hunter. He took him back into one of the bedrooms and gently laid him on the bed. He bent down and gently kissed his grandson on the forehead and brushed his hair back.

"Good night, buddy. Everything will be ok," he whispered and then quietly made his way from the room. He smiled wearily at Kate as he came back into the kitchen area and sat down next to Donovan. Kate looked at Gibbs and noticed the haggardness in his face. She glanced at Donovan and noticed he didn't look much better.

"Maybe you two should get some sleep," Kate said softly. They both shook their heads together and continued to study the table cloth. Kate yawned and then sighed.

"Go on back, Kate, there's a bed in the other room you can use," Gibbs said softly. She nodded and made her way into the back of the house. She stopped in the doorway of the room Hunter was in and watched him sleep for a while. She then decided that she would sleep in this room tonight. She laid down on the bed gently and curled up on the other side of the bed. She was out almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

TBC…


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: Here you be Chapter twenty six. I was a little busy this weekend so this was delayed in writing but here you go. Hope its up to par. Thank you to everyone who is reading and of course huge thanks to those of you who voice your opinons! dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Six**

Gibbs was still awake even after Donovan found a place to crash for the night. He sat at the table and tried to clear his mind. He finally gave up and went in to check on Hunter. He found Kate in the same bed, with Hunter curled into her side. He stood in the doorway leaning against the jamb watching.

He stood there for a while before he saw Kate stir. She picked her head up slightly and gazed at him still half asleep. He smiled at her and she yawned. She glanced down at Hunter then at the clock. It was four in the morning. She knew Gibbs had gotten little sleep in the last two weeks.

"Come lie down," Kate mumbled to Gibbs. He shook his head. "That wasn't a request."

"Giving me orders now?" Gibbs replied with a smile. She only nodded sleepily. She then patted the bed gently on the other side of Hunter. Gibbs took a deep breath and then nodded. He climbed into the bed as softly as he could so not to disturb Hunter and then snuggled up to Kate with Hunter between them. He still didn't sleep but it helped him to relax as he watched the two of them sleep.

Before he knew it he heard an alarm going off in the other part of the house. Jeb had set his cell phone alarm. Gibbs gently removed himself from the bed and walked out into the living room. Jeb was sitting up staring at the floor.

"Time to get ready," Gibbs said quietly. Jeb looked up at him and only nodded. Gibbs could see the fear in his eyes. No one else was awake yet and Gibbs went and squatted down in front of Jeb. "Things will be ok. Today is the day we fix your head."

"Good luck," Jeb said with a crooked smile. Gibbs returned the smile and pulled his son to him. Jeb returned the gesture. They finally broke apart. "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't say this enough, but I do love you."

"I know. And I love you too, son," Gibbs replied as he bit back the tears.

Jeb nodded, and then looked around, "Time to wake these people up."

"Yeah. You take this room; I'll get the back rooms."

"Deal."

After everyone was awake they made their way to the hospital. The doctor explained the procedure one more time for everyone and then they started to prep Jeb for surgery. He was going under the anesthesia when Ann and Hunter saw him last.

"Hang tough, Buddy, I'll see you in a few hours," Jeb said with a smile and squeezed Hunter's shoulder. The boy only nodded. Jeb looked up at his mother, "I love you, mom, and I promise it will all be ok in a few hours."

"I love you too, Jeb," Ann replied while the tears slid down her cheeks. They were asked to leave then and joined the others in the waiting room. The longest period of their life was about to begin as the stood in the waiting room. Gibbs was pacing again and suddenly looked up.

"I'm going for coffee, anyone else want one?" Gibbs said to the room. Donovan and Kate both agreed, but Ann said she was fine. He nodded and headed for the cafeteria. He knew it wouldn't be the best coffee but it would do the job for now. He purchased four cups and had the first one drained before he reached the waiting room. He handed one of the cups to Kate and then another one to Donovan and kept the fourth one for himself.

They were all silent for a while. Ann was sitting attempting to read a magazine that was provided. Donovan was sitting staring at the floor. Kate was keeping an eye on Hunter, who was drawing with some crayons that were provided. Gibbs was pacing the area behind the seats. Kate kept looking up at him and seeing the fatigue and stress in him and worrying. She knew he couldn't hold out much longer before his body simply gave into exhaustion.

Hunter had finished his drawing and was simply staring at it when Kate returned her attention to him. She tried to peer around him to see what he had drawn but he was blocking her view. He continued to stare at it with a determined look on his face. She slid from her chair and kneeled down next to him.

"What's the matter?" Kate asked.

"It's missing something," Hunter replied. Kate then took the time to study his drawing. He had drawn the scene from last year when Gibbs had saved her and Hunter after being kidnapped. Kate looked at the drawing and didn't see anything else that could be added. She glanced up at Gibbs and caught his attention. He gave her a questioning look. She only glanced back down at Hunter's drawing. It got Gibb's curiosity and he walked over and stood above them.

"What are you drawing, buddy?"

"It's missing something, Papa, but I don't know what." Gibbs looked closely at the drawing and saw the scene it depicted. He didn't know what was missing either but it unnerved him a bit that Hunter was drawing this. He squatted down next to his grandson and draped an arm over the boy's shoulders.

"I think it's pretty good," Gibbs said reassuringly.

"I know," Hunter said quietly and then he drew another badge on himself. He was the only one, aside from the bad guy, who didn't have a badge. When he was finished he looked up at Gibbs. Gibbs wet his lips and then smiled. Hunter smiled and then stared at his drawing again. Gibbs looked over at Kate and shook his head. Kate just smiled in return.

They both got up and moved to the chairs, leaving Hunter alone to work on another drawing. Gibbs sat down heavily and sipped some more of the coffee. Kate slipped her hand into his and leaned her head against his shoulder.

The first hour crept by. This was going to be a long wait Gibbs thought. Donovan was still sitting in the chair staring at the floor. He hadn't said anything since saying he wanted coffee. Ann was sitting with Hunter now and they were both drawing. Gibbs was happy that Hunter was distracted.

Gibbs stood up with his back starting to ache from sitting in the plastic chair for so long. Kate let their hands slip apart and Gibbs went back to pacing. Kate watched him as he moved back and forth. She then glanced over at Donovan. She got up and walked over to him. She dropped a hand on his shoulder and then took a seat next to him. He looked up at her and forced a smile.

"You doing ok?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. Just thinking. I was remembering the first time I met Jake. The boys decided to pull a trick on me. I know you never met Jake, and I don't know if you've seen pictures but man those two, talk about identical. You couldn't tell them apart. And this was before the accident obviously so there were no visible scars or anything to tell them apart. Anyway. They came up to me in uniform and of course I immediately thought, shit if they weren't in uniforms from different branches I'd never tell them apart.

"So of course thinking the one in the marine green was Jeb I started talking to him. And the bastards played along for a minute. But then Jeb answered me and he was wearing the Army Rangers uniform. They both had stupid grins on their faces and I couldn't help but laugh. They pulled that stunt on so many people."

"I can see Jeb doing that."

"And Jake was cut of the same cloth."

"What's on your mind?"

"Just thinking about what the doctor said about his past injuries."

"It's a risk."

"Yeah. He was more worried than he let on though I think."

"All we can do is wait. And pray," Kate added softly and she put her hand on top of his. He looked at her and then his eyes drifted to her cross. He smiled then fished inside his own shirt pulling out a small Celtic cross of his own.

"I've been since I heard the news," he said with a smile.

Kate nodded and they sat for a moment in silence. Gibbs was still pacing and they both seemed to look up at him at the same time. Donovan seemed to contemplate something and the looked over at Kate.

"What?" she asked.

"I'll be back, Kate," he replied before getting up and walking over to Gibbs. Gibbs stopped his pacing when he came up to Donovan and looked the younger man in the eyes.

"Yes?"

"Hey, gunny, you look a little tired. Maybe you should sit for a while."

"I sat. Now my back hurts. I'll walk thanks."

"Ok. I know you're worried. I'm worried too, but Kate's right. All we can do is wait, and pray."

"Colonel…"

"I know you don't believe in this stuff, Gunny, I know you think it's a waste of time, but both Kate and I believe. I'll pray for you too, Gunny," he said softly then went over and sat down again. Kate got up and moved closer to Gibbs.

"How long has he been in there?" Gibbs asked. Kate glanced at her watch.

"Almost two hours," Kate said as she stood next to him. He looked at her and nodded.

"Longest two hours of my life," he said under his breath but Kate still heard him. She wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you for being here," he whispered.

Kate looked up at him and felt the tears come to her eyes, "I wouldn't be anywhere else, Jethro, ever."

He nodded and then took a deep breath. He was starting to feel unnerved and he didn't like it. This was worse than he thought it would be. No word on any progress. It was heart wringing painful and he didn't like it. He didn't like not being in control, although he was learning to not be so controlling with Kate in his life. He didn't like being in the dark. But time would tell. Time would soon be over.

_In The Operating Room_

"Keep an eye on that heart monitor; I don't like it flocculating like that. Let me know if it continues," Dr. Youngblood said. He was working as quickly and concisely as he could.

He had most of the tumor removed already and he was working on cleaning up the area around the eye. It took painstaking patience and control so not to damage the optical nerve. He continued to work as fast as he could without compromising his carefulness.

"Doctor, his heart is still flocculating."

"I'm almost done; try to keep it in rhythm," he replied as he cleaned up the last of the tumor. "All right that's done. Time to close."

As they went to work closing up the wound they had created to remove the mass, he heard the monitor start to scream. Dr. Youngblood glanced up quickly at the monitor to see that the patient's heart had spiked up to 120 beats a minute.

"Doctor, we have a problem," the tech screeched at him.

"I can see that," Youngblood replied through clenched teeth as he watched the monitor squeal again as the heart rate dropped off significantly almost at once. Then all hell broke lose as the patient's heart stopped.

"Doctor!"

"Get the paddles," he yelled.

The monitor showed no heart activity as Dr. Youngblood charged the paddles. He waited as every second seemed like an hour as the alarm screamed. Finally he heard the ding and put the paddles to the chest of his patient.

"Clear!"

TBC…

* * *

**YES! you can hate me! I promise it will not be long before the next chapter is posted! I promise for real this time because I know in the past i've said things like this and not followed through...but this is too cruel not to follow through on. and yeah I'm cool if you're angry :-) dark rolling sea.**

PS...hope you're still enjoying the ride 


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: Told you it wouldn't be too long! Here is the next chapter...enjoy. dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Seven**

Hunter stood bolt upright in the middle of his drawing and stared intently at the door. It got everyone in the room's attention. They all stared at the little boy as he clenched his fists and turned his head sideways. He took a ragged breath and then turned slowly and looked at Gibbs.

"Papa?" Hunter asked in a whisper. Gibbs was in front of his grandson in an instant. He kneeled down, ignoring the pain the motion brought.

"What? What is it, Buddy?"

"Uncle Jeb," Hunter said softly.

"What about him?" Gibbs asked a little panicked.

"I don't know," Hunter said in a strained voice, tears coming down his face.

Gibbs wrapped his grandson up in his arms and cradled him trying to shush him. The boy continued to cry and strained to see the door. Gibbs didn't know what to do, but he took a seat in the plastic chairs and held his grandson. Donovan started to pace by the door drawing Kate's attention away from Hunter. Ann had moved next to Gibbs and was rubbing the small boy's back trying to calm him down.

Kylie sucked in a breath and put a hand over her mouth. This reaction from Hunter completely unnerved her. She started to tremble as the thoughts of what could be happening flashed through her mind. What if he did die? What would she do?

Donovan stopped pacing and stared at the door leading back to the surgery rooms. He watched intently for any sign of movement. He was worried sick and his color had drained from his face. He didn't know what Hunter had felt but after Hunter's actions he began to have a bad feeling. He felt someone come up beside him and looked over to see Kate.

"You ok?" Kate asked quietly.

"Yeah, nerves," Donovan replied.

"You are really pale. Maybe you should sit down," she replied looking over at the chairs. He shook his head.

"I can't sit now," he said. "Fuck," he whispered under his breath as he looked at the floor.

"Now's the time to be strong, R. J.," Kate said with a gentle hand on his elbow. He looked at her and she saw the tears brimming in his eyes. He nodded and took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. His fingers found the cross and he walked away from Kate. He went over to Kylie and sat down putting an arm around her. She leaned into him and cried. He did his best to console her. She had a feeling too. She watched as the two grandparents calmed Hunter down. He still wouldn't tell them what he felt, saw, heard, or whatever it was that set him off.

Gibbs looked up at her with concern in his eyes. She could tell this was devastating him now, because he was terrified something had happened. Hunter finally wiggled enough that Gibbs had to let him down and the boy dropped to his feet on the ground. He immediately turned away from them and sat down at his little chair and picked up a crayon. He stared at the drawing he had been working on and pushed the paper away. He took a clean sheet and began drawing again. Gibbs got up and went over to the corner window. It looked out at the other part of the hospital and gave mostly a view of a roof from a lower part but it was something to look at if there wasn't anything else around.

He leaned heavily into the window sill and fought back his emotions. He didn't know what was wrong but Hunter had felt something. He felt Kate come up behind him and wrap her arms around his waist. He dropped a hand down to hers.

"You ok?" she whispered.

"I don't know, Kate," he said in a ragged voice. Kate leaned into him more. He had one arm up supporting his head against the window. "Something got to Hunter."

"I know."

"What if he dies, Kate?" Gibbs said and Kate wasn't sure but she thought he was crying. She closed her eyes.

"It was a chance from the beginning."

"I'm not ready to lose another child."

"No parent is ever ready to lose a child I think, Jethro. It's not something you can plan for and you pray it never happens."

"I already had it happen. It's not fair," Gibbs said, his voice a barely audible whisper now.

"Nothing is ever fair, Jethro. Look at what we see everyday."

"It's not supposed to happen to twice."

"It's not something we can control."

"It's not something that happens twice."

"I know."

They were both silent after that, Kate just continued to hold onto him and he continued to stare out the window. This was the worst moment of Gibbs life. He rated this over hearing the news of Jake's accident. The not knowing, the waiting was enough to cause one's heart to stop. The fear of losing his only remaining son was tearing him up.

He wished that the doctor would come out soon. He wished there was news of how the operation was going. He didn't like being in the dark. This entire process had them in the dark and it was tearing him up inside. The operation should be over soon. So long as everything went ok. The doctor should be coming out soon. His stomach was in a knot and his heart was hammering away. His head was starting to ache. He didn't know how much longer he could last.

_In The Operating Room_

"Got a normal rhythm, doctor," the tech said as Dr. Youngblood nodded and replaced the paddles. They continued to close the head wound and when they were finished Dr. Youngblood left the operating room. He took a deep breath and pealed his gloves off. He then pulled the apron off that he wore and the cap on his head. The surgical mask hung loosely around his neck.

_In The Waiting Room_

Ann saw Dr. Youngblood coming down the hallway first. She stood, drawing the attention of Kylie and Donovan. They both looked up to see the doctor come in and at the sound of the door, Gibbs and Kate turned around, breaking the bond between them.

Kate slipped her hand into Gibbs and intertwined their fingers while they walked over to join the group. Gibbs was bursting inside while they waited for the doctor to begin. The doctor looked each one in the eye before he began.

"There was some difficulty during the surgery," Doctor Youngblood said gravely. Gibbs felt his heart sink and his stomach turn. Kate felt his weight come down a little more heavily on her and glanced up at him. Donovan closed his eyes and Kylie scooted closer to him. Ann glanced at Hunter. "Jeb's heart did stop during the closing procedure but we were able to restart it and he is in recovery now."

When the words hit Gibbs it was a roller coaster of emotion. When he heard heart stop he felt like he was about to collapse. He thought it was the end and his son was gone. When he heard restarted it and in recovery his heart came back up and but he still felt his stomach turn. Kate felt elated when she heard that they had managed to restart Jeb's heart.

She looked over at Kylie and saw the tears streaming down her face but there was a smile that Jeb had come back. Donovan had his eyes closed and Kate thought that he might have been praying at that moment. Ann was crying and hugging Hunter. They all knew it wasn't over yet, but Jeb had come through the surgery alive and was in the recovery room.

"He hasn't regained consciousness yet and won't for probably a while. We have him monitored. We successfully removed the entire tumor and time will tell but hopefully it will not come back. All in all I think it went well," the doctor continued. Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief and nodded.

The doctor left and Ann was still holding tightly onto Hunter. She explained to the boy what had happened and Hunter only nodded slightly. He then asked if he could see his uncle. They told him he'd have to wait. The boy slid down his grandmother's leg and went back to drawing. Donovan still had an arm around Kylie but she was smiling now. She broke Donovan's grip and went over to Ann. The two embraced and then she went up to both Gibbs then Kate.

Time would tell but so far it was going their way. The worst part, they all hoped, was now in the past and they would be able to start the road to recovery on a high note. It was far from over, and they all had that idea in mind, but they knew that Jeb was strong and he would fight until the end.

TBC…

* * *

**AN: All right there is going to be one more chapter on this story. Yes, it must come to an end! I will try to get it written as quickly as possible. Hope you are enjoying. dark rolling sea.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer on chapter one.  
AN: Alas it comes to an end. It was a really fun roller coaster ride to write guys and I truly hope that it was a great one to read! This is the last chapter of this one...enjoy...dark rolling sea.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Eight**

_8 Months Later…_

Kate and Gibbs had come back to Washington. Somehow, still unknown to Kate, Gibbs got her job back for her. She was still working with him for the time being. Gibbs had come back a week later than Kate, spending some more time with his family, and the recovering Jeb before making his way back to work.

When she got back to Washington she had learned he had somehow gotten her job back. She didn't know how to thank him. He said to forget about it. They still hadn't set a date for the wedding. Gibbs was dragging his feet in Kate's opinion.

Jeb and Kylie had elected to go small and had a quaint wedding at the court house with a few guests including the family and of course Donovan. Jeb was recovering well and Kylie was coming along in her pregnancy without any complications.

Everyday Kate would drop hints to Gibbs about their own wedding. She knew it was a huge deal for him and that his proposal was pretty much an accident. It was kind of nice that way though because she knew how deep he really did feel for something so guarded to slip out without his permission.

He hesitantly would put the subject off. Not wanting to commit. She let it drop most times, not wanting to make him angry. She would usually turn the subject to something safer, Jeb's recovering for instance, or the new baby coming. Gibbs felt safer talking about those subjects.

Jeb had been checked and rechecked by doctors. He had no signs of the tumor in his brain and no signs in the rest of his body either. He had not needed anything other than the surgery and within a few weeks no one could even tell he had suffered from a brain tumor.

His hair had grown and it covered the scar nicely. He had recovered well from his heart stopping but he wasn't running six miles every day…yet. He was pushing himself within the allowed limits to get his body back to his standards and he was happy with his own progress.

Gibbs called every day like clockwork to get updates on him and Hunter. Hunter was coping with the situation well. He was back at school and making up the lost time. His teachers were amazed at how much the boy was absorbing so quickly. Gibbs beamed. He knew his grandson was smart.

Kylie and Jeb found out they were having a boy. Hunter was excited about the prospect of having a baby "brother". He wouldn't hear of the idea that the baby was actually his cousin. He said that Uncle Jeb and Aunt Kylie were like parents to him so the baby was his "brother". It astonished everyone at how he came up with ideas.

Jeb and Kylie discussed adopting Hunter and making their family official. They had long talks all through her pregnancy about the subject. Jeb finally approached Ann on the subject and she thought it would be a wonderful idea, but she thought that they might want to ask Hunter. Jeb grinned and nodded. He had thought of the same idea.

Jeb then tossed the idea out to Gibbs and he and Kate discussed it before Gibbs really let Jeb know what he felt. They both decided it would be good for Hunter. They also agreed with Ann that he should ask Hunter first. Jeb knew that was coming.

It was almost a week later when Jeb and Kylie sat down with Hunter. They told him what they wanted to do and waited on his reaction. He was silent for a while staring at both of them. They waited patiently for his reply.

"So then I'd be your son, not your nephew?" Hunter asked slowly.

"Yeah," Jeb replied.

"And the baby would really be my brother?"

"Yep," Kylie said.

Hunter thought on it some more then broke into a grin. He nodded his approval and Jeb smiled back at him. They went through the paperwork and after four months Hunter was officially adopted by Jeb and Kylie.

They debated back and forth on a name for the new baby. Neither one could decide. Kylie adamantly said no to another Jethro. Jeb laughed. He agreed with her and asked her if she ever remembered him going by that name. She asked if he ever told his parents that and he gave her a look like she was crazy. Of course not he told her. She laughed at him.

It was almost time for the baby and they still didn't have a name picked out. They would throw names at each other all day long. Neither one could agree. They would bounce names off Ann and Gibbs and Kate but nothing seemed to stick. Kylie finally threw up her hands and said fine it will be Baby Boy McPherson its entire life. Jeb grinned.

Kylie went into labor and Jeb rushed her to the hospital. He was more nervous than Kylie was. She found it amusing. Hunter stayed with Ann through the delivery and Kylie's stay. She delivered a healthy baby boy. He was seven pounds nine ounces. They still didn't have a name for him.

They were about to leave the hospital after the forty eight hour test was done and Jeb looked at Kylie. He was smiling, and then his gaze shifted to the baby. She looked at him a moment then prompted him.

"What?"

"How bout Noah Simon McPherson?"

"Noah Simon," Kylie said out loud testing how the name sound. She smiled. She nodded, "I like it."

"Me too," Jeb said. And then the baby had a name.

Gibbs and Kate made another trip to California to see the new baby and Gibbs held him almost the entire time they were there. Kate watched him closely as he interacted with the baby. She was deciding the right time to tell him about the new addition to their family that was coming. She figured now wasn't the time and she would wait. Ann noticed Kate watching and approached her.

"He doesn't know yet does he?" she asked quietly. Kate looked up at her a little surprised then smiled.

"No," she said softly.

"You should tell him, I think he'll be ecstatic. Remember he missed his boys being babies."

"I know, I just don't think right now is the right time," Kate said. Ann nodded and walked away. She would wait, but she would tell him soon.

Their trip ended and they were on the flight home when Kate looked at Gibbs from her seat on the airplane. Gibbs was staring out the window at the ground passing by beneath them. He felt Kate's gaze on him and averted his attention to her.

"So much has happened in the last year and a half," Kate said softly. Gibbs nodded and continued to stare at her. "I know you don't like discussing this situation but I'd like to get married, Jethro."

She felt Gibbs stiffen as the tension returned. He looked like a trapped animal and Kate looked away. She was a little hurt be his apprehension after asking her to marry him. She was a little upset that he wouldn't agree on a date. Gibbs saw her emotions dive and it pained him. He knew he was being the bastard on the wedding issue but he had to admit he was scared. He was terrified. All the others had been good until the marriage and he didn't want that with Kate.

"I know," he said quietly. He reached out and brushed his thumb along her jaw. She closed her eyes.

"When?" she asked softly.

"Soon."

"That's not an answer."

"Start planning it," he said quietly. "Pick a date and get it all together. Whatever you want."

She looked up at him astonished. He nodded and leaned in for a quick kiss. His attention went back to the window and Kate shook the shock from her head. She reached over and gently pulled his face back to her.

"You're serious?"

"Yes, Kate, I'm serious. I'm ready," Gibbs said with a smile. It felt good to admit that. Kate smiled. Gibbs turned his head back to the window once again. Kate stared at the seat in front of her.

"Good, so then are you ready to be a father again?" Kate said.

"I already am a…" Gibbs began before it struck him. She was smiling when she looked back up at him. He had a look of astonishment on his face. She grinned even more as his mouth moved but nothing came out. He was speechless. He looked at her and finally he found his voice. "What?"

It was more of a hoarse, cracked whisper. Kate laughed a little and ran a hand along his face. She nodded then spoke, "are you ready to be a father again?"

Gibbs was trying to process the rapid emotions that were rampaging through his head. He was elated higher than he had ever been before. He couldn't believe what she had just told him. He looked at her and smiled. His grin was contagious and Kate burst into one as well. He leaned down and kissed her.

"Was that a yes?" Kate asked when the kiss ended.

"Yeah," he said. "How far along?"

"Not quite a month. I found out just before we left for California."

"So when do you want to have the wedding?"

"As soon as possible," Kate said blushing slightly. Gibbs nodded, he understood. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her as close to him as the seats would allow. Kate pulled back from him and moved the arm rest up then snuggled back in. Gibbs couldn't wipe the grin off his face. Kate was happy.

They would sit down once they were back in Washington and iron out the wedding plans. He knew now that this was going to be different. He knew he was going to be a part of this child's life from the beginning and it was a new feeling for him. He had never felt more complete in his life than in that moment on the plane with Kate and his unborn child.

The End.


	29. Author's Notes

**Author's Notes**

Hey gang, so I thought I'd share some thoughts with you guys on this one! First off the story spawned from a real life drama that I had to go through when I was younger. I actually thought (as well did the doctor and my family) I had a brain tumor when I was seventeen years old.

I had an attack similar to the one I described Jeb as having when he was running (only mine happened at hockey practice and no one really noticed…kind of scary). I was sent to the doctor after telling my mom and the prolonging symptoms (like the headaches and the vision stuff and the nausea, oh and the tremor in my left arm).

I was informed that blood needed to be drawn and tests run but to be prepared because it could be cancer, brain tumor, nervous system disorder, yada yada yada. Pretty much it could be any bad thing that could happen and just like in the story I had to wait a week to find out.

Mine turned out to be a virus in my brain that took two weeks of doing next to nothing besides school and sleeping to clear up. I was fine. I decided to take the character a little further and actually live out what could have happened. You all said I nailed the emotions that the people were going through and I think that I had a pretty good idea of how people would react.

Thanks to all who read this story! It really does mean a lot and those of you that reviewed I thank you greatly. It's always nice to know which parts touch someone else. And to hear their thoughts on it. Thank you all really.

I noticed a lot in the reviews that people thought I nailed the characters from the show. I have to say I want to apologize because I kind of screwed up on Gibbs and the coffee. I kept forgetting he needed coffee so there are parts when he went a long time with none. But who knows when under intense stress sometimes you forget your everyday habits.

I also want to apologize about forgetting Jeb's younger siblings for the most part. I didn't really put them in as much as I should have I think. There were times when they disappeared and at the end they are no where to be found. I think I just didn't have room for them. Oh well. Sorry bout that.

I also want to apologize to anyone who noticed the continuality breech in chapter fifteen. I screwed up my timeline. I didn't catch it until after I actually had another chapter posted but I wanted to let you know that I did catch it and sorry it happened. I know it's not a major deal but its something as a writer that I try desperately not to do!

I think that was all I wanted to express. I was thinking of maybe a third in the series…maybe if you guys ask real nice. Just a thought…maybe a wedding…another baby…hmmm, meeting Kate's family for the wedding….just some more thoughts! Let me know what you think.

dark rolling sea.


End file.
